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Original poster

What to do with male neighbour

334 replies

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 12:58

I'm 30 l live alone in a small terraced house. I've been living here for one year. Next door to me lives a man in his late 50s. We have nothing in common. We would say hello the odd time but thats it. The houses don't open right onto the street. We have a very small front garden, walls and gate each.

My front garden is very small, it's not something you would sit in. So I am only ever in it to mow my small lawn, paint the small walls etc.

Any time that I am EVER in my front garden, my male neighbour will come over right to my walk, to talk to me.

Last time I was mowing my lawn, he came out of his house, came over to my walk and started talking to me about something.

Today, I was painting my small wall in my front garden. He came over right to my walk and said "hey! I'm expecting a package. Will you take it in. They said they'd leave it with a neighbour".

I didn't want to but I said yes even though I didnt want to, as I was nervous and trying to get him to go away. He will probably be over to me later looking for it, which causes more stress for me.

I'm starting to be nervous every time I go out in my front garden, I kind of dash in and out as I know he will be straight over. He is creeping me out. I literally cannot go in my garden and do one simple thing without him coming straight over. It's giving me anxiety. If I saw my female neighbour across the road doing gardening, I wouldn't go straight over , lean over her wall and start talking to her. I know I would be intruding on her privacy. He does it every single time. It's really giving me anxiety. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
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Bewilderedallthetine · 20/07/2024 04:28

So worrying us woman have to put up with this ... hope OP comes back after so long with an update. Hopefully he will have moved.

MaryEllenWaldron · 20/07/2024 02:37

CloudybutMild · 10/11/2022 13:22

He’s doing what normal neighbours do, he likely doesn’t know that you are so unfriendly so don’t want to talk.

Are you a man? Because that's a very unlikely thing for a woman to think, let alone say. Every woman has experienced this unwanted attention from men who don't care that the woman doesn't want to talk to them, and it's not normal for a neighbour (male or female) to make a beeline for you every time you put your head out the door. Horrible for her. I would consider moving house in that position.

beeloubee · 20/07/2024 02:25

Yeah that would be annoying and creepy.

Tell him next time, I'm busy at the moment can't talk.

ILikeBakeryStuff · 19/07/2024 21:01

Old post - never mind!

chaosmaker · 19/07/2024 20:27

Did you manage to move out after? Or did he move? It's been a while and I'd be interested to know :))

I'm aware this is a zombie for those who post zombie.....

KettrickenSmiled · 16/11/2022 10:01

Glad he's an ex @Miss03852 !

Miss03852 · 16/11/2022 09:55

KettrickenSmiled · 16/11/2022 09:31

He would also wait all evening for my boyfriend to get home from work and pounce on him the minute he did and make him hang out with him. Some of these people are awful.

And your b/f played along with it. Why on earth did he "hang out" with a thug who scared his g/f?

He’s an ex for a reason, he was pathetic and wouldn’t stand up to him, he was scared of him aswell. He wouldn’t even go in our front or back garden till neighbour left his house, because he’d jump on him as soon as he went outside.

Moobae · 16/11/2022 09:52

Had the same issues. Old male neighbours who live alone always seem to take an interest in me. I’m a HA tenant.

I don’t understand why they can’t leave women alone. Hi and bye is enough they don’t need to know your life story. Any neighbour male or female.

I suggest headphones as well or on the phone. When he tries speak to you point to your headphones or say I’m on the phone

KettrickenSmiled · 16/11/2022 09:31

He would also wait all evening for my boyfriend to get home from work and pounce on him the minute he did and make him hang out with him. Some of these people are awful.

And your b/f played along with it. Why on earth did he "hang out" with a thug who scared his g/f?

billy1966 · 16/11/2022 09:27

@Onesipmore "Christ knows how you react to to real problems rather than perceived ones.".

Nothing factual about this statement at all.

Just unnecessarily unpleasant and belittling to a woman posting about her personal safety.

Miss03852 · 16/11/2022 08:31

As I said, when he thought that I wasnt friendly enough in the past to him one time, he "punished" me by playing loud music all evening for the next two weeks. He is awful.

Oh my god do you have my old neighbour OP?! My neighbour- the one I just talked about above - did exactly the same thing! I’m so sorry you have to deal with this weirdo OP. My neighbour became obsessed with whether I “liked” him or not (obviously I didn’t) and would go to my ex boyfriend and idiot ex boyfriend didn’t deny I disliked him which made him so angry and resentful towards me. He was like this weird stalker. He’d constantly try and start arguments with me after that. He was in his mid thirties and I was nineteen. He would also wait all evening for my boyfriend to get home from work and pounce on him the minute he did and make him hang out with him. Some of these people are awful.

Miss03852 · 16/11/2022 08:23

*who’ve voted

Miss03852 · 16/11/2022 08:23

I can’t believe the amount of people you’ve voted saying you’re BU. Oh my god this woman is not a charity worker. If he’s lonely there might be a reason he’s alone. I had a nightmare neighbour like this who was lonely and also turned out to be a complete thug, got in my face once and started screaming at me, had told my boyfriend once he couldn’t keep a relationship because of his temper. Sometimes people are alone for a reason and even if that’s not the case it’s not the OP’s responsibility to be a support system for this strange man.

Miss03852 · 16/11/2022 08:20

CloudybutMild · 10/11/2022 13:22

He’s doing what normal neighbours do, he likely doesn’t know that you are so unfriendly so don’t want to talk.

They aren’t friends! He has no boundaries, why would she want to talk to this stranger every time she leaves her house?!

Onesipmore · 16/11/2022 08:12

@billy1966 It isn't unpleasant.Its factual. If OP has serious concerns about her welfare she should alert another neighbour (I believe there is one opposite if not the the other side) Someone who can keep an eye out for her.
There are always threads on MN about when moving , should people knock on the neighbours door as a pretext to sussing them out - this might be an idea.
Watching a program regards a single woman being murdered by a neighbour just seems a ridiculous plan to me, when OP already feels uptight about that topic.
Re the parcel damned if he does damned if he doesn't.
On the upside now whether has turned OP shouldn't have to see him that much, hence problem reduces.

billy1966 · 16/11/2022 07:56

What an unnecessarily unpleasant post to a woman who is nervous about her personal safety.

OP, continue to listen to your gut.

Onesipmore · 15/11/2022 22:23

When you move maybe go and knock on your neighbours doors to assess them and therefore avoid this problem. He asks you to take a parcel and you are agitated, he doesn't need you to take the parcel and he is a liar. Perhaps his plans changed you know? You made a pint of saying how small your front garden is - I can't imagine you spending much time there. However I may be wrong. You are incredibly distrustful. I really sincerely hope you confided in your friend and asked her to immediately turn that shit off. Christ knows how you react to to real problems rather than perceived ones.

Original poster
Deemarie11 · 15/11/2022 21:09

Onesipmore · 15/11/2022 20:30

Equally not every single male neighbour is a murderer or rapist...
Did you take the parcel in, or did the issue not arise?
Im also guessing now its almost winter that you won't be in your very little garden so the situation of him coming and engaging in conversation won't arise.
I wonder if something has happened in the past to make you so suspicious of people. I hope your voiced your concerns to your friend and told her that you didn't wish to watch a programme like that bearing in mind how you are feeling.
Look at it this way, all then guy is 'guilty' of is making brief conversation with you on a few occasions when you are outside and he is also very tall....

Yeah I know that not every male neighbour is a rapist or murderer, I'm just challenging what people often say on here which is "that we should be friendly to our neighbours just because they are our neighbours".

When in fact we should take time to see what kind of people they are like. And if they are nasty, pervy, horrible, we absolutely do not have to go anywhere near them.

Its not just that he made brief conversation with me. He comes over every time I'm in my garden doing somethinf. He also lies about things to me.

For example he came over and asked me to take a parcel in for him because he was going out for the day and wouldn't be in his house that day. That was a lie. He drove away. He drove back to his house a half hour later and he was in his house all day. There was no need for me to take a parcel in. Weird!

Anyway I'm hoping to get out of here next year

OP posts:
Onesipmore · 15/11/2022 20:30

Equally not every single male neighbour is a murderer or rapist...
Did you take the parcel in, or did the issue not arise?
Im also guessing now its almost winter that you won't be in your very little garden so the situation of him coming and engaging in conversation won't arise.
I wonder if something has happened in the past to make you so suspicious of people. I hope your voiced your concerns to your friend and told her that you didn't wish to watch a programme like that bearing in mind how you are feeling.
Look at it this way, all then guy is 'guilty' of is making brief conversation with you on a few occasions when you are outside and he is also very tall....

Original poster
Deemarie11 · 15/11/2022 20:18

I was in a friend's house and she very randomly put a documentary on. It was called "the next door killer".

It was about a man who murdered a young female neighbour in every place that he moved to, before he was caught.

I will never ever understand people who say that we should be friendly to our neighbours, no matter what their personality is like. Rapist's and murderers all live next to someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deemarie11 · 13/11/2022 15:29

StClare101 · 12/11/2022 03:21

That’s a stretch! He would have been “punishing” the whole street! Just wear headphones, say you are busy and crack on.

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No one else lives near him, only me.

He is in an end of terrace house. There is a green field to one side of him.

My house is right beside him.

The house on the other side of me is empty. There are no tenants in it. Some one owns in but they are not letting it out for whatever reason.

So if he plays loud music, only I hear it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deemarie11 · 12/11/2022 12:13

ChristmasisRuined · 12/11/2022 01:41

Ahhh so this veiled fat shaming. Got it.

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Actually you're wrong!

When I said large, I meant tall, not fat.

He is very tall.

OP posts:
StClare101 · 12/11/2022 03:21

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 14:22

And I'll never presume why people think that all neighbours are nice because they are neighbours. They are random people that live on a street with you. Some are good people, some are not.

I would never ever choose to talk to this man in any scenario if he wasnt my neighbour. We have nothing in common. I dont like him

As I said, when he thought that I wasnt friendly enough in the past to him one time, he "punished" me by playing loud music all evening for the next two weeks. He is awful.

Show quote history

That’s a stretch! He would have been “punishing” the whole street! Just wear headphones, say you are busy and crack on.

stuntbubbles · 12/11/2022 02:02

Ahhh so this veiled fat shaming. Got it
Behave yourself.

ChristmasisRuined · 12/11/2022 01:41

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 13:37

Yeah I normally look to make sure that he is not there before I dash out into my garden. However this time, I was just trying to paint the wall, and it was raining and I had to do it when the rain stopped. When the rain stopped, I went out, he went out to his car, then came over leaned on my wall and started talking about his parcel.

I am upset because he is a very large man and he intimidates me, and I said yes to taking the parcel in because I was too scared in that moment to say no, and now I'm stressed thinking of him actually coming over to my house this evening looking for the parcel.

I don't like him. If he wasn't my neighbour I'd have nothing to do with him. I tend to keep it to a polite hello on the street. The thought of him coming over to my house tonight is making me anxious. I know he is technically looking for his parcel, but I also know that he is not, I know by him that it is an excuse for him to come over to my house to talk to me and try to invite himself in

Ahhh so this veiled fat shaming. Got it.

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