Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

867 replies

Alondra · 31/10/2022 11:55

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Wildeheart · 31/10/2022 12:56

I’ve reported this new thread. It is deliberately goady and very clearly designed to pit working women and SAHM against each other under the guise of asking an innocent question.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:51

@SpookabooAtTheZoo

No. There are multiple accusations of jealousy on this short thread already. It's ridiculous as well as being rubbish.

Is there any actual need fothat personal remark?

Also, have you heard of irony?

SpookabooAtTheZoo · 31/10/2022 12:49

Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:45

Oh jeeze

I csnt cope with the nonsense jealousy accusations again

🥱🤦‍♀️

Is that aimed at me?

Are you getting help for taking things personally that weren't about you specifically?

Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:45

Oh jeeze

I csnt cope with the nonsense jealousy accusations again

🥱🤦‍♀️

cofeetablebook · 31/10/2022 12:44

Ty @Topgub

Farmageddon · 31/10/2022 12:43

OP, if you love your life so much why are you spending all day yesterday and today on MN? You really needed another thread about this?

I'm guessing you are just trying to bug people.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:43

@cofeetablebook

Op started a thread saying no one should be allowed to be nasty about housewives

Women should respect and support each other.

She then spent the thread being nasty about women who worked and eventually said she didn't even like women

🤷‍♀️

SpookabooAtTheZoo · 31/10/2022 12:42

I really think a lot of it is jealousy from people trapped by their circumstances. Some SAHMs are jealous of women who have the agency to work, and some women who work are jealous of women who have the agency to be a SAHM.

I'm currently an accidental SAHM because we moved from a country where I had full time childcare for free while I worked, to the UK where I can't afford even half the hours I'd need to fund to be able to work. I had a job lined up but had to turn it down.

I think people's anger comes from people feeling trapped in their own circumstances and thinking other people have agency to do something different, not seeing that those people either have limited choices themselves, or have chosen the thing voluntarily that doesn't work for the jealous person.

What we need isn't to tear people apart for their choices or the things they have done out of necessity, but to support a system that enables EVERY woman to have the agency and choices so she can feel fulfilled and happy, regardless of whether that is as a SAHM or a working woman or a bit of both.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:42

@Alondra

Why the need for the insults?

It's far too subjective.

You think people critiquing the choice are nasty.

They think they're just sharing their view, as asked.

If the op didn't want people to share their views on her choice, she shouldn't have started a thread asking them to.

Very few choices in this life are immune from criticism and judgement.

There's nothing special or scared about being unemployed.

It's not above judgement

Cuppasoupmonster · 31/10/2022 12:40

And yes I agree there’s a snide inference that being a SAHM is ‘letting the side down’

cofeetablebook · 31/10/2022 12:40

I didn't read the last thread. Can anybody offer a synopsis?

Cuppasoupmonster · 31/10/2022 12:40

YANBU it’s jealousy. I wish I had the money to stay at home, and the option to return to my career afterwards but I don’t.

We’re not ‘having it all’ these days we’re ‘doing it all’. And we’re not any happier for it.

sst1234 · 31/10/2022 12:38

Part 2. What took you so long. How long before this one descends into chaos.

Original poster
Alondra · 31/10/2022 12:30

Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:12

I'm not sure what any of that has to do with chosing to be a housewife or why you've quoted me.

Govts absolutely should be doing more about the cost of living and to support women.

Off the top of my head, they should be tackling high housing costs and fuel and food costs

They should be tackling the wage crisis and wealth inequality

They should be providing heavily subsidised childcare and much better education services.

None of these are likely to happen while the top 1 % control all the wealth and power. And certainly not (in this country) while people keep voting tory.

But all that is irrelevant to 1 woman choosing to be a housewife and then getting pissed off not everyone thinks its amazing

But all that is irrelevant to 1 woman choosing to be a housewife and then getting pissed off not everyone thinks its amazing.

I agree with your post except the above bit. A woman should be able to choose what's best for her and her family without getting insulted for her choice. If she thinks her choice is amazing who are we to tell her the opposite except to remind her what could happen if she is not financially independent?

Women have the right to choose what's best for themselves and their children without having to justify their decision to paternalistic, passive aggressive, nasty and condescending post from other women.

OP posts:
Topgub · 31/10/2022 12:12

I'm not sure what any of that has to do with chosing to be a housewife or why you've quoted me.

Govts absolutely should be doing more about the cost of living and to support women.

Off the top of my head, they should be tackling high housing costs and fuel and food costs

They should be tackling the wage crisis and wealth inequality

They should be providing heavily subsidised childcare and much better education services.

None of these are likely to happen while the top 1 % control all the wealth and power. And certainly not (in this country) while people keep voting tory.

But all that is irrelevant to 1 woman choosing to be a housewife and then getting pissed off not everyone thinks its amazing

Essexgalhere · 31/10/2022 12:11

I think that there is nastiness towards stay at home mothers but I also think there is just as much nastiness towards working mothers. I think a lot of people like to have their opinions on what they view is right and what is wrong - either way there is going to be someone judging you for whatever choice you decide to make.

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 11:59

Imma grab my popcorn 🍿