To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

No more sexist than saying housewives will get left, which was said multiple times to me and you said nothing about that. I said it because people ALWAYS say this to SAHMs but it's actually often more about them.

I don't fear him leaving. I actually find it weird how many women make plans in case they divorce, in case he cheats - why marry him if you don't trust him? I wouldnt be married to a man I didn't trust 100%.

You're very shallow aren't you OP. In your previous thread I cut you some slack because I figured you just weren't very bright and had the mindset/thinking skills of a 14 year old. On second thought I think you're just nasty and think you're better than everyone because daddy and husband run around for you so you can ensure you're well rested. With the lack of work, lack of really having anything about you and your husband picking up all the night feeds and 50% of the chores, I imagine you're more rested than the dead

Can people stop reporting threads. If you don't like it, don't read it. Nobody holds a gun to your head and makes you read every thread. Use the scroll function.

Not really. I was repeatedly attacked and insulted for my choice. If I'm insulted, I'll do the same back. Or we could all be reasonable people and have a discussion.

@AMorningstar your views are absolutely absurd!

I work, I am a mum, I exercise, I look smarter and better presented on the days that I work than the days that I don't and my husband still wants a shag!

You are projecting a hell of a lot on others here and this is why the other thread became what it did.

And before you try and accuse me of being jealous or bitter I ain't, I work through choice.

A scruffy exhausted mess?

The only 'housewife' (two children school age so not a SAHM) is in permanent lounge wear or horrible high street branded sports wear (but doesn't do sport). By contrast the working parents are better presented, unless you're imagining them at an actual coalface or similar?

Indeed, so you might as well do what suits you and screw what anyone else thinks. Some people are far more concerned about what they view as other people's shortcomings than their own.

The problem as I see it is this. You make a decision that you believe is in the best interests of your family, yourself, and your own distinct circumstances. If those circumstances happened to be different, they might affect the outcome of those choices, or they might not. You're happy with your decision. You're quite comfortable with your own family setup as you've chosen it.

Then, someone else (maybe in similar circumstances, maybe different) makes the opposite choice. Suddenly all hell breaks loose as those on 'opposing' (why?) ends of the decision-spectrum for some reason interpret a different choice to their own as a personal affront.

And then, we get thread after thread, online discussion after online discussion, IRL conversation after conversation, playground spats and friends falling out, all on the topic of WAHM -v- SAHM, EBF -v- FF, puree vs. BLW.

They're the same discussions people were having 10 years ago. 20 years ago. Back to the 1980s. Probably a sight longer than this. That should show that these 'debates' are a treadmill to precisely nowhere. They are as lacking in productivity/solutions as they were then, and they'll remain so as long as the structural inequality remains in place. That's the area where women could (and often have) more productively channel their ire.

In the meantime we've still got a massive pay gap between the sexes, fewer opportunities at senior level open to women, and an assumption from some quarters that Wifework will naturally be picked up by women. Whilst women are chewing the fat about what other mothers feed their kids, our rights are going backwards and have taken the greatest kicking of a generation. Incels are ten-a-penny and women are frequently harassed and somewhat less but far too frequently killed by men just for going about our everyday business. Organizations like Women's Place UK, grassroots fighters and crowd funders, are tackling this assault on our rights and structural inequality on a daily basis.

That's where the energy and focus need to be. I couldn't give a shit whether, or if, other women work or what they feed their kids.

It doesn't. He sees me looking messy plenty of times, the point I was making is that you have more time to invest in yourself and your partner this way. Lol implying he'd leave me if I looked a mess one day, I had HG in my pregnancies and threw up on his shoes because of it, he's still here.

Yeah, I'm the asshole for firing back after people have been repeatedly rude about me and my husband and demanding I justify our preferences to them.

Less time for yourself and your relationship.

Why do you think we are chained to the sink? Do you think we can't leave the house lol?

If anyone is chained I'd say it's people who have to work out of necessity. Not people choosing to work or choosing to stay home

@AMorningstar

Again, thats a you problem.

It's not relevant to my relationship or life.

@AMorningstar why would having a job equate to a scruffy exhausted mess?

He can do that because someone is doing the domestic stuff during the day, hence our evenings are our own. When both partners work you have to cram everything in including boring stuff, and when you're already tired from work it just sucks

Yes all women are jealous of you. As we are women , en masse, we don’t want to work, we don’t want careers or financial independence, we desperately wish to just cook and clean instead.

You are right, next time you’re hoovering or washing his boxers, just think how seething in jealousy all other women are, we really want to be you. We want the 50s back. We all want men who can cover the bills so we can just do domestic chores.

men aren’t jealous of you though, they like to work and be the breadwinner, it’s just us little women who prefer to spend our days cooking and cleaning for our children and men. You nailed it. We know our place.

chained to the kitchen sink. Barefoot and pregnant. You rock.

@RandomMusings7

And how the ops oH manages to work, do 50/50 housework and childcare outside of work and shape his eyebrows. And have plenty of time for sex. While being as fresh as a daisy.

But working women are scruffy exhausted messes who no one wants to shag.

It's a conundrum sure

Do tell us more about how you can't read the context of the previous comment I was replying to.

She said not everyone wants to spend their time on their appearances. I said okay then. I have never, ever, said everyone should share the exact priorities that I do. What I've said is women shouldn't be insulted for being SAHMs or housewives.

I like the posts from the last thread that sought to create distance between a the different types of SAHP. Some are more vulnerable than others and some might have had a fabulous career before making the choice to remain home for their kids. I think this is where the term 'housewife' complicates matters, as they might not have children to consider.

In the same breath, not all parents who work do so out of necessity. And it's certainly not true that the majority who work identify themselves based on their job.

If other people want to spend their relationship being a scruffy exhausted mess that's up to them.

Do tell us more about how working women fail their men... 🙄🙄

Women - and men - have the right to choose whether or not to be in the workplace. This is regardless of whether or not they have children, and assuming that they don't expect taxpayers to fund their lifestyle. However, most people surely accept that referring to a woman as a "housewife" is reductive of her abilities & choices. It smacks of 1950s attitudes that label a female as a second class citizen and implies that one can have a "career" doing unpaid housework. No woman of my age (over 50) would use "housewife" to denote their status - it belongs to previous generations.

Who is a scruffy exhausted mess?

My kids don't need night feeds anymore, they're not babies. He did them when they were little. He shares the chores when not at work e.g the weekend. This isn't difficult to keep up with.

There's no problem here. If other people want to spend their relationship being a scruffy exhausted mess that's up to them. Hilarious when these same women caution me to be wary of being left though lol.

The original OP said that people saying that housewives/SAHM are financially vulnerable was being mean. It’s not. It’s the truth. I’m overweight, I’m at a higher risk for health conditions as a result of my weight. It hurts hearing it because it’s beaten into me as a reason that should be something simple but it’s the truth. Something hurting you when it is a fact is not being mean.

Now, if SAHMs can recognise that financial vulnerability and own it. So if they choose to be a SAHM there should be a discussion with their partner. They should both agree to protect the SAHP through marriage or put the legal framework in place that marriage provides. The working spouse should agree to make pension contributions for the SAHP. The SAHP should be given ample opportunity to ensure skills and employability aren’t lost whether that is through training, volunteering or freelance. I also think that the SAHP should have a fuck off fund that is solely accessible to them. They are then not tied into a relationship which could be abusive by the simple fact of not having access to funds. I also think that with SAHPs there just still be oversight from both parents as to the finances, who the bills are with and accounts should be in both names. I’ve seen a number of working parents be widowed before 40 and they have no idea who the gas and electric is with, when the bills are paid, when the swimming lessons are. It’s an extra level of stress in already stressful situation.

Now if we approach SAHPs in this matter, that working parents need to provide these protections for the SAHP then we can start to value the role of raising children. We stop women leaving the workforce just because they earn less and their job is seemingly less important. We stop women being financially dependent on men and them inevitably getting the short shift over and over again. Being a SAHP becomes an actual choice rather than just falling into it because it’s easier.