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AIBU?

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To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

867 replies

Alondra · 31/10/2022 11:55

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

OP posts:
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TartanGirl1 · 31/10/2022 16:05

cagliari · 31/10/2022 15:59

Its just a simple question Topgub - try to break it down? Let's start with, have you ever met a SAHM? Is there a particular SAHM you don't like? Did a SAHM ever ram you with a buggy in Tesco? Did someone at work leave to be a SAHM and this annoyed you? Was your mother a SAHM and you didn't like her?

Try to remember when it all started. Nobody is like this for nothing.

Oh my god this comment is fucking hilarious!

I have seen you on a number of SAHM threads that you first comment is always looking for @Topgub or "calling out" Topgub, it is kinda obsessive.

And I have seen them explain many many times about the issue in society of the role of SAHM and also say so many times that it is not about the individual.

If you have that much of an issue with Topgub maybe you shouldn't engage rather than stalk them.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 16:05

Tandora · 31/10/2022 16:02

Yes it is precisely these presumptions that make you sound immature and naive. I do think that once you have a little more life experience behind you , you may come back to these comments and cringe. That’s not to say you will end up getting divorced, but I think you’ll come to understand a little more about life’s complexity and diversity , and realise you’re perhaps not quite as unique, special and different to others as you think you are.

You know very little about myself or my husband so your armchair analysis of us is completely meaningless but thanks for the attempt.

I think it just upsets some people to know others enjoy their marriages. Maybe it hits a nerve idk

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 16:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 16:04

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 16:02

Its weird you HAVE to believe other women will have a bad time in relationships because its absolutely incomprehensible to you that some marriages are happy. Quite sad actually.

That is absolutely not what I have said. Try again...

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 16:02

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 16:00

You got married and had kids very young. The brain isn't even fully cooked until 25. Yet you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that, unlike other women, you've made a superior, more informed choice of partner and that your relationship is infallible because you agree you don't believe in divorce.

This simplistic black-and-white view of relationships and human nature will come back to bite you in the ass sooner or later.

Btw, I take it the answer is no on the insurance 😐

Its weird you HAVE to believe other women will have a bad time in relationships because its absolutely incomprehensible to you that some marriages are happy. Quite sad actually.

ReneBumsWombats · 31/10/2022 16:02

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/10/2022 15:57

Fucking hell. I'm devastated I missed it 😂

It's awful and it's playing to all the worst and cheapest points, but my God I can't deny its success. It seems it's actually spawned two more threads now, not just one.

In the previous thread I (somewhat facetiously) said that I hoped it was giving OP satisfaction for whatever was being sought. Joke's on me, I guess, because it most definitely has, with absolute runaway success.

Tandora · 31/10/2022 16:02

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:56

Our relationship is different to many relationships for a myriad of reasons not solely because of our ideological beliefs around divorce

Again to clarify, neither of us have any beef with divorced people and believe people can live how they wish. Its just not something we would do

Yes it is precisely these presumptions that make you sound immature and naive. I do think that once you have a little more life experience behind you , you may come back to these comments and cringe. That’s not to say you will end up getting divorced, but I think you’ll come to understand a little more about life’s complexity and diversity , and realise you’re perhaps not quite as unique, special and different to others as you think you are.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 16:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 16:00

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:56

Our relationship is different to many relationships for a myriad of reasons not solely because of our ideological beliefs around divorce

Again to clarify, neither of us have any beef with divorced people and believe people can live how they wish. Its just not something we would do

You got married and had kids very young. The brain isn't even fully cooked until 25. Yet you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that, unlike other women, you've made a superior, more informed choice of partner and that your relationship is infallible because you agree you don't believe in divorce.

This simplistic black-and-white view of relationships and human nature will come back to bite you in the ass sooner or later.

Btw, I take it the answer is no on the insurance 😐

NameChangeLifeChange · 31/10/2022 16:00

I think the obsessed with SAHM comes from our natural instinct to justify our own right choices and reassure ourselves that we have made the 'right' choice. Arguably working is more socially accepted, you don't need to justify yourself and you have objective measures (e.g. income, seniority at work, satisfaction from work) that is quantifiable and reassures your internal self that you are doing the 'right' thing.

As a SAHM you don't have that so much. You're consumers/customers/service users (i.e. kids!) don't often give feedback. Other peoples kids who work often behave and succeed in a similar way so there's not really a tangible benefit. Your partner might be grateful and enjoy you being a SAHM/housewife but we don't tend to place huge amounts on importance on the opinions of those close to use, especially when they have a vested interest (e.g. their food all cooked, house cleaned etc.)

So we seek validation from others and mn is used for this. We seek people telling us its the right thing, its noticeably better for children, that we are WORKING in some way and contributing.

That's my opinion. I am a working mother and get a lot from parenthood and adore my kids but objectively I get more for myself from work. I have no judgement of SAHP although when things so fall apart, as they do for SAHP or WOHP they often suffer significantly more and it would worry me for my DC if they ever decided to stay home.

cagliari · 31/10/2022 15:59

Its just a simple question Topgub - try to break it down? Let's start with, have you ever met a SAHM? Is there a particular SAHM you don't like? Did a SAHM ever ram you with a buggy in Tesco? Did someone at work leave to be a SAHM and this annoyed you? Was your mother a SAHM and you didn't like her?

Try to remember when it all started. Nobody is like this for nothing.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/10/2022 15:57

ReneBumsWombats · 31/10/2022 15:38

Like I said in the previous thread, credit where it's due. A sequel has been spawned. From the thread by the porn loving kinkster who is against divorce and casual sex and likes telling us how women are all cows but men, oh, men are all buddy buddies who get on so well.

I don't like it at all, but I can't say I'm not impressed.

Fucking hell. I'm devastated I missed it 😂

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

I never said I'd have enough to last my entire life. Obviously I'd have to work if he became disabled. But he isn't. So unless that happens, I don't need to.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 15:56

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:54

Topgub has now made a thread about this one. I called it a few posts back

No I havent.

I made a thread about jealousy this morning.

Inspired by the previous one.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:56

Tandora · 31/10/2022 15:51

You misunderstand. What is naive and immature is presuming your relationship as somehow different to others (that fail) and infallible because you don’t “believe in” infidelity and divorce.

Our relationship is different to many relationships for a myriad of reasons not solely because of our ideological beliefs around divorce

Again to clarify, neither of us have any beef with divorced people and believe people can live how they wish. Its just not something we would do

cagliari · 31/10/2022 15:55

Yes! What is the thread called?

Topgub · 31/10/2022 15:55

@cagliari

If I wanted psychoanalysis I certainly wouldn't be getting it from some weirdo on mn

🤣🤣

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:54

cagliari · 31/10/2022 15:52

Not sure why some poster is posting pictures like a 14 year-old.

Anyway.., here it is. Topgub, you are obsessed by SAHMs.End of. It's so very very strange to me that yes... I am obsessed about why you are so obsessed. it's fascinating,

Can you try to answer why you are so obsessed with SAHMs, rather than deflecting? There is always an underlying reason. Btw, I used to be a psychotherapist so have come across my fair share of people with particular fixations.

Topgub has now made a thread about this one. I called it a few posts back

cagliari · 31/10/2022 15:52

Not sure why some poster is posting pictures like a 14 year-old.

Anyway.., here it is. Topgub, you are obsessed by SAHMs.End of. It's so very very strange to me that yes... I am obsessed about why you are so obsessed. it's fascinating,

Can you try to answer why you are so obsessed with SAHMs, rather than deflecting? There is always an underlying reason. Btw, I used to be a psychotherapist so have come across my fair share of people with particular fixations.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 15:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

Tandora · 31/10/2022 15:51

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:44

We like each others personalities and values too. In fact one of my favourite things about my husband is that he's funny and we have a laugh together doing literally anything, whether it's going out all dressed up or wearing jogging bottoms and playing on the PS5 together. However it's normal to want to look attractive for your partner, for men and for women. It doesn't mean you only value them for their looks.

Yeah everyone who doesn't plan for divorce is naive and immature, only on MN where every other thread is about an ex husband or infidelity. Miserable fuckers.

You misunderstand. What is naive and immature is presuming your relationship as somehow different to others (that fail) and infallible because you don’t “believe in” infidelity and divorce.

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 15:50

You still haven't answered my question on whether your husband has life and disability insurance @AMorningstar

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

Having savings behind you in case one of you becomes unable to work for whatever reason is not the same as planning for divorce.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 15:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

We like each others personalities and values too. In fact one of my favourite things about my husband is that he's funny and we have a laugh together doing literally anything, whether it's going out all dressed up or wearing jogging bottoms and playing on the PS5 together. However it's normal to want to look attractive for your partner, for men and for women. It doesn't mean you only value them for their looks.

Yeah everyone who doesn't plan for divorce is naive and immature, only on MN where every other thread is about an ex husband or infidelity. Miserable fuckers.