Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

867 replies

Alondra · 31/10/2022 11:55

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

Then you and the other posters shouldn't complain about "offensive" comments towards working mums. 🤷🏻‍♀️

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 17:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:17

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:14

Did you not describe yourself as extremely introverted unable to handle work, 'any kind' of pressure or basic socialising because it's too much for you? Is that the person who no one would describe as meek 😂

Being introverted and not enjoying a high pressure work environment doesn't make someone meek, lol.

I'm the first person to kick off if necessary and have been described by several as aggressive and hot headed, particularly when I was younger. HILARIOUS that you seem to think I'm some smiling doll eyed girl who won't speak up. It's very much the opposite.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 17:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

This seems...selfish. You want the rest of us to change our way of doing things to make it better for the minority of women who live to work.

Everyone should be judged on their merits not their gender. But if the majority of women want to do x, you can't complain just because you think it makes it harder for you to do y.

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:14

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:12

OP, please tell us again that you must be a housewife because you need to be well rested for your husband and answer the door to Amazon. That had me lolling for ages in the last thread.

Lol. No wonder op doesn’t like women!

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:14

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:12

I hope this career you are so attached to isn't psychoanalysis because like most on here you're absolutely awful at it. 🤣 How was my mum lazy for working part time and doing all the domestic duties in the house? Give your head a wobble.

Also my husband would laugh at anyone describing me as meek or submissive. As would anyone who knows me.

Did you not describe yourself as extremely introverted unable to handle work, 'any kind' of pressure or basic socialising because it's too much for you? Is that the person who no one would describe as meek 😂

LexMitior · 31/10/2022 17:13

@Autumndays123 - so what? It's not for you or indeed me. Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to wonder as to the respect of others. I think that's the tragedy.

If you are secure in your choice, you don't need others to approve

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:13

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2022 17:01

Not done to be nasty at all. If you say those who don't earn a wage aren't functional adults, then that includes SAHPs. I don't earn a wage. I haven't for 7. 5 years and probabky won't for several more. I didn't cease to be a functional adult the day I quit my job.

I think it’s one thing to take a few years out with young kids. It’s quite another to spend your life with no intention of working at all and for your ambition to be being a « housewife » as op claims. That is opting out of life and not being a functional adult - she wanted a daddy for life.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:12

Topgub · 31/10/2022 17:11

@AMorningstar

What I have said is that people shouldn't treat staying home like its the inferior choice.

Why not?

If that's what they think?

Interesting that both you and @cagliari feel the same about your vies being challenged and disagreed with

Such horror that anyone could possibly disagree with your lifestyle choices.

Screams sheltered life to me.

Are you okay with someone treating working as inferior, if that's what they think?

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:12

OP, please tell us again that you must be a housewife because you need to be well rested for your husband and answer the door to Amazon. That had me lolling for ages in the last thread.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:12

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:09

I can't believe it didn't occur to me before. It all makes sense now. You're the girl in school that can't wait to leave so she can find a man just like daddy to pay for everything whilst she does FA with her time. Her mother was usually equally as lazy and I imagine it goes back generations. Every school had one. Makes total sense.

It makes me feel quite sick that an adult man seeks out a partner to be submissive and meek and so he can stick his chest out and 'provide' whilst she stays at home being well rested for the after-tea sex on tap. Just gross. So little self respect.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the type of man who finds that kind of partner attractive. Those kind of men creep me out. Why you'd want a partner who is unable to manage an adult life and just sits around doe eyed relaxing and twirling her hair is beyond me. Something fundamentally wrong there.

I hope this career you are so attached to isn't psychoanalysis because like most on here you're absolutely awful at it. 🤣 How was my mum lazy for working part time and doing all the domestic duties in the house? Give your head a wobble.

Also my husband would laugh at anyone describing me as meek or submissive. As would anyone who knows me.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 17:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 17:11

@AMorningstar

What I have said is that people shouldn't treat staying home like its the inferior choice.

Why not?

If that's what they think?

Interesting that both you and @cagliari feel the same about your vies being challenged and disagreed with

Such horror that anyone could possibly disagree with your lifestyle choices.

Screams sheltered life to me.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:09

vodkaredbullgirl · 31/10/2022 17:08

Has this thread turned into AMorningstar show.

Not my fault people are intent on creating drama and being insulting to me. I'm not going to stay silent when people are being rude.

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:09

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:02

You seem really bitter that I think both partners being able to be less stressed and less exhausted is conducive to a healthy relationship.

My grandmother was a housewife and SAHM, my mum worked very part time (2 days per week) and did all the domestic duties while my dad handled finances and bills. Is there a problem with this?

I can't believe it didn't occur to me before. It all makes sense now. You're the girl in school that can't wait to leave so she can find a man just like daddy to pay for everything whilst she does FA with her time. Her mother was usually equally as lazy and I imagine it goes back generations. Every school had one. Makes total sense.

It makes me feel quite sick that an adult man seeks out a partner to be submissive and meek and so he can stick his chest out and 'provide' whilst she stays at home being well rested for the after-tea sex on tap. Just gross. So little self respect.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the type of man who finds that kind of partner attractive. Those kind of men creep me out. Why you'd want a partner who is unable to manage an adult life and just sits around doe eyed relaxing and twirling her hair is beyond me. Something fundamentally wrong there.

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:09

cagliari · 31/10/2022 17:03

If you were actually a SAHM, can you not see how all this eouid come across though, FlamencoDance.

The way SAHMs get debated on here snd the way threads take off, you
would think they were doing something criminal! Being a SAHM is nothing remarkable at all. It's just looking after your own kids. Why all this fuss ?

I think you should stop attacking people for posting on whatever threads they like. Sorry if you want your life choices validated but that’s not mumsnet.

its not about sahm either - housewife is what op always wanted to be. That is so regressive and sexist of course it inspires replies. That’s the purpose I think - to be goady.

vodkaredbullgirl · 31/10/2022 17:08

Has this thread turned into AMorningstar show.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

What if though, it's what most women want? Why is it sexist if most choose it. I get that you wouldn't, and that's fine but plenty of women would.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:06

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:05

I think you should be sorry you haven’t been « exposed to shit relationships » (if that’s true which is unlikely). It might have taught you something useful. Naïveté is not a helpful thing.

I'm not naive and you repeating it ad infinitum won't make it so, no matter how much you wish it. I'm sorry women being in happy marriages makes you feel inadequate.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 17:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:05

LexMitior · 31/10/2022 17:02

It comes to the same thing. You are asking for them to believe something they don't agree with. Be confident in your choices, they are yours. No one else can say they are good or better. They are yours. If you are asking for people not to comment, then it will never stop. It used to be that women who did work were disapproved of. That kind of judgment is over. The flip side is that being at home is not too special either.

Enjoy your life.

I don't cate whether they agree with it or not. People should be rude about other peoples lives. Why is that so hard

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:05

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:05

Half of marriages ending in divorce is a bit of a half truth- that includes statistics from second and third marriages, which are significantly more likely to fail. First marriages not so much.

Oh well you’re the expert!

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:05

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 16:54

Ignorance. My mother married at 19 and my parents have been married for 40 years. My grandmother married at 18 and was happily married until my grandfather died in his 80s. I'm sorry that you have been exposed to shit relationships but that's not the norm nor the standard for everyone.

I think you should be sorry you haven’t been « exposed to shit relationships » (if that’s true which is unlikely). It might have taught you something useful. Naïveté is not a helpful thing.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:05

MsPincher · 31/10/2022 17:01

Absolutely. But what would us old codgers know. Teenagers are the experts on life. No way you’d get divorced if you didn’t believe in it just because half of marriages end that way (more when people marry young). Anyway if there was any doubt the fact she has time to get dolled up because she’s unemployed will ensure lifelong marital bliss.

Half of marriages ending in divorce is a bit of a half truth- that includes statistics from second and third marriages, which are significantly more likely to fail. First marriages not so much.

Swipe left for the next trending thread