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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

867 replies

Alondra · 31/10/2022 11:55

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

OP posts:
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FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 18:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

IhateHermioneGranger · 31/10/2022 18:20

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:57

Comedy gold is someone who's obsessed with trying to force others to live a life they don't want to, when they don't need to, purely out of bitterness. It's oddly sad.

Or someone as smug and naive as yourself about yourself and your relationship.

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 18:18

I'm amazed that morningstar has been able to post continuously for the last 24 hours with young children. Are you not making those delicious home cooked meals? Picking them up from school? Talking to them at all?

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:15

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:14

@AMorningstar

Have literally never said otherwise

If you get that others find it valuable, what's your problem exactly

All this "societal inequalities" talk seems to translate to "I'm a woman who wants to work, and housewives make it harder for me personally, therefore I don't like them"

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:15

@AMorningstar

Coming from you thats quote the compliment

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:14

@AMorningstar

Have literally never said otherwise

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:14

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:13

@cagliari

Considering you know fuck all about me or my mentality that's quite the statement

To be honest I find your posts bizarre as well. Aggressive, rude and a complete inability to understand different peoples priorities in life.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:13

@cagliari

Considering you know fuck all about me or my mentality that's quite the statement

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 18:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:13

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:10

@AMorningstar

I dont see any value in it

🤷‍♀️

If women want to be one and promote inequality then obviously I'll view that negatively and obviously I think it would be better if less women made that choice where able.

That doesn't mean I think women who want to be sahms should be forced not to be.

But you can understand that others do, right? You understand that others find value in it even if you don't?

Scottishskifun · 31/10/2022 18:12

I agree sahp should have their pensions and NI paid into by their OH to ensure security be that man or woman who stays at home.

As for the codswallop about better relationships for being a sahm/housewife because you have time to look pretty or time for your relationship sorry hut that just shows your own insecurities.
Not many women enter marriage going you know what I don't fully trust him hut what the heck. You never know what life curveballs will throw at you from serious illness to affairs to getting knocked down. It's always a good idea to have a fallback plan of how you support your family in those circumstances.

cagliari · 31/10/2022 18:11

To be honest TopGub, your whole outlook on life is so alien to me I wouldn't know where to even begin. I've never genuinely never met anyone with your mentality which is why I engage with you at all, I guess.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:10

@AMorningstar

I dont see any value in it

🤷‍♀️

If women want to be one and promote inequality then obviously I'll view that negatively and obviously I think it would be better if less women made that choice where able.

That doesn't mean I think women who want to be sahms should be forced not to be.

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 18:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

Eindaira · 31/10/2022 18:07

It's also seemingly impossible for sahms/housewives to justify their choice without putting down wms.

I can agree with this. I think if you are happier working, that's great, and if you have the option not to work and you find yourself happier that way, also great. I don't think anything else really needs taking into account.

As I said, when the kids were young, childcare was crippling and it essentially wiped out one wage, so we tried doing shifts around each other. We both hated it, yes we saved money on childcare, but we hated not seeing each other the majority of the time.

DH has always found pride and motivation in his work, he has that drive, I never really found that. I earned less due to sector I was in anyway. Also with the shifts, it seemed we really struggled with keeping the house to a standard we wanted and life admin always seemed rushed and stressful. That's not to say other people can't manage, but we were always feeling too tired or stressed to really relax and enjoy any time as a family for us.

I'll be the first to admit I don't deal well with too much "going on" in my head and it just seemed never-ending at the time.

My DH has ADHD and while his area of work doesn't get in the way, he does struggle with life admin and kids and housework on top of his work. I felt the other way, that work was too much for me on top. We found a way that allowed us both to get things done optimally and feel happy.

I don't look down on anyone who does things differently because I'm not them, I can't know what is best for them.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:05

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:04

@AMorningstar

Sorry, its clear I want to stop people what?

Quote one post where I've said I want to stop people doing anything?

If you don't want to stop people being SAHM, why so negative about it? Do you want to see less people being SAHM?

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:05

@FlamencoDance

Sorry. You just can't compete with me

🤣

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:04

@AMorningstar

Sorry, its clear I want to stop people what?

Quote one post where I've said I want to stop people doing anything?

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:04

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 18:01

No one is trying to make you work. You sound like you would be pretty useless in most jobs anyway. We're simply refusing to congratulate you over opting out of being a functional well rounded self-sufficient adult. And you're kicking a fuss over that.

Imagine thinking your way of doing something is the only way to be a well rounded individual. The arrogance is astounding.

Then again, narrowmindedness is to be expected from someone who denigrates an entire form of media as "neckbeardy"

FlamencoDance · 31/10/2022 18:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster’s request.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:03

@cagliari

Ah.

So now we're getting to the crux of it.

You dislike me posting so much because you don't know how to shut me up.

You cant counter or disprove what I say.

And that really bugs you.

🤣

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:03

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:02

@AMorningstar

If you dont think people then why do you keep saying people are trying to force you to live a different life?

I have no interest in what you do with your life.

Because its clear you want to stop people. You can't, but you want to

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 18:02

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 18:00

What assumption? You said you plan to cook food, do chores, answer the door to Amazon, tradespeople and be well rested. That's hardly a long list. Although by your standards of laziness I imagine it sounds like an exhausting day

No, I gave a list of examples of various advantages to having someone home past school age. I never once said that's what I do all day. Also hilarious you think someone who lifts 4x per week is lazy. You'll have to try harder if you want to offend me, you're doing a rubbish job.

I hope your job doesn't involve reading comprehension!

Topgub · 31/10/2022 18:02

@AMorningstar

If you dont think people then why do you keep saying people are trying to force you to live a different life?

I have no interest in what you do with your life.

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 18:01

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 17:57

Comedy gold is someone who's obsessed with trying to force others to live a life they don't want to, when they don't need to, purely out of bitterness. It's oddly sad.

No one is trying to make you work. You sound like you would be pretty useless in most jobs anyway. We're simply refusing to congratulate you over opting out of being a functional well rounded self-sufficient adult. And you're kicking a fuss over that.

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