To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

@Topgub my point was that I wouldn't comment to my working mates if they were arranging a drink on a Friday night. If I couldn't go I wouldn't, no need for me to snarky although i am sure there would be some SAHD who would take the opportunity to make their point too, but I felt the comments I received when I tried to arrange one were resentful digs.
My wider point is that men & women are both the same, and to the ones who are: f*ck em

@AMorningstar

Then why are you so scared of different view points?

Any time it's been suggested that the sahm role is damaging to society you start bleating on about being sacrificed and being barred from doing it.

As a non delicate flower who can make her own decisions it shouldn't matter to you.

No one can stop you doing what you want.

Sexism and patriarchy are a myth. Its just a complete coincidence you whole heartedly conform to gender dynamics.

💯

If being a SAHM mum is a negative, then don't do it? If it makes you feel dependent then don't do it! Society is made up of many women who all maybe want different things. Women who actively choose to be SAHMs are 'society.' They are as real and as valid as anybody else and their voice matters too.

It's like saying that because a large number of people find their paid jobs boring or stressful, then paid working is a bad thing per se. You would never say that people who enjoy their jobs are perpetuating a system that makes the majority miserable, would you? Why then say that SAHM who are happy are perpetuating others being miserable?

I think if people feel disempowered as a SAHM mum, then they likely won't be the SAHM for long! The truth is, most SAHMs are really not all about doom in the gloom the way people try to paint them on here. If people tell you they are happy, just listen without prejudice. Listen and hear them. It's all ok. Society reflects us all and so it should be varied. Unless you want a Marxist, totalitarian regime where everyone works exactly the same and no choice allowed within families and that's it. I don't want that.

Gender dynamics are a cop out. People are individuals and that's what matters here. Deferring to your "group" as an excuse is cowards behaviour. Hold men and women to the same standard, women are not delicate flowers who can't make our own decisions.

@Daddybegood

All parents are full time and if you never get a break how are you managing a drink on a Friday night?

It’s misogynistic because you are completely passing over the structural gender dynamics at play. Statistically men are significantly more likely to have affairs than women: there are a whole range of structural gender inequalities that play into these dynamics (and I don’t ehave the time because I’m on my way to work lol). Often women are left most vulnerable after these affairs because women are more likely to be structurally and financially dependent on their partners (irony?). You are playing into a narrative that justifies male cheating behaviour and blames it on women- because these women who get cheated on are so insufferable and don’t know how to keep a man (including because they are too busy at work instead of devoting time to sex, cooking and personal grooming). The are nothing like you, the perfect domestic (/sex) goddess, living in marital bliss.

To those who think this resentment towards SAHM or WM is just a female issue, men are just the same.
With a surprisingly high number of my friends, I found I literally couldn't say or organise anything without snidey comments.
Arranging a drink on a Friday evening - A. its alright for you "not having worked all week", "it's alright for you" "I care about my kids" and want to spend quality time with them at weekends
These was genuinely said to me.
Ofcourse I have many other working mates who hold no such resentment, we just laugh that the grass is always greener.
Anyone who has been a full time mum or dad especially to v.little ones (I have 3) knows it's bloody hard work, can be v.boring and you never get a break.
My solution to those who are resentful either way - f*ck em, don't even answer the phone to em

@AMorningstar

I have no interest in humouring you.

You have your answer

Humour me. Do you think women like me should be sacrificed for the greater good, yes or no

@AMorningstar

I'm not dodging anything.

My comment was clear and I answered your question

If you don't understand it then maybe reread?

You're dodging it. Say it with your chest.

@AMorningstar

I answered your question

So you do think women like me should be sacrificed for "the greater good" then?

No, you're not right. Idk what you want me to say, I can't prove my identity to you and I don't care to play these ridiculous games. I could post a photo of my cesarean scar, or a picture of me and my husband together, but to be honest I don't see why I should have to and feel no need to justify myself to you. If you want to disbelieve me, be my guest. It doesn't change my reality and the fact that I've got a wonderful husband and family. However much that upsets you.🤷🏻‍♀️

@AMorningstar

My comment was clear.

@Topgub that's why I say things like "you're trying to stop people being SAHM". "a few individuals having a nice life isn't worth it" makes it sound like you want to sacrifice people like me and the other poster somehow. Maybe that's not what you meant, but I thought I'd point it out given you asked why I thought you were trying to stop people earlier.

@zeven

People duscuss the negatives because they have such a big impact on society.

Yes, I'm sure individual middle class sahms can have lovely lives. I dont think anyone has denied that.

But the negatives remain. Dependency and promoting inequality/sexism dont go away because you as an individual have started a yoga class

A few individuals having a nice life aren't worth the negative impacts imo and I see no benefits

Not sure why some poster is posting pictures like a 14 year-old.

You're being almost endearingly generous. The old as the hills WOHM vs. SAHM debate' in general is hardly nuanced. But the level of sophistry on this particular thread barely surpasses that of most nine-year-olds, let alone your average worldly teenager.

That's aside from the obvious trolling (in the sense of trying to illicit emotional responses from people, rather than the MN 'creative writing' definition) which augurs strongly of a representative of surrendered wives or red pill. An extremely bored one, at that.

You expect this nonsense to be taken in any way seriously? If so, the joke's on you.

Why are some of you so interested in my kinks? "Bet they're into Dom/sub" is that supposed to be an insult or what? Hardly the crime of the century.

I think it's pretty obvious from the last 36 hours what OP's kink is.

I had my first child at 31 and have not worked since. I am now almost age 50. Wow. With the benefit of retrospective personal experience, I can honestly say the last 20 years of being SAH mum have been the very best years in my life. Not a day has gone by when I haven't felt so lucky to be able to make that choice. It's been fantastic and now what else can I tell you. My husband and I are definitely both happier and healthier for it.

Now at almost 50, I have retrained as a yoga teacher. I think I'm fitter than I was in my 20s. I run the classes for all the ages and abilities and
I love it. Next year, I will be running yoga retreats here and abroad. Its a way way of life now for me and I just gradually moved into this. What I want to say is, being a SAHM mum ( as long as you can afford this of course) means you can be constantly exploring new things. Your life (and your family's life) is what you make it on each day. And it's never too late to try new things - at 40, 50, 60 whenever. Everyone should be doing this anyway, paid job or no! My husband does what he wants (the nature of his work means he can be selective) and so do I. I don't know why people are so doom in the gloom about the SAHM mums. It's as if people on this MN chats are only prepared to discuss the potential negatives - they can't bring themselves to consider the many positives and that women may actively choose to live like this, with their eyes open and seeing. If people could spend time with the many many SAHMs I know and their families, they might become more flexible in their attitudes and I hope they will one day so they might understand that women have to do what they want to do as well. If it is the SAHM mum life, fine. We are as important as men, but may also be a bit different and that's good and we should celebrate it. This is how I see life anyway. Good luck to you all.

Shitty men

Whys that misogynistic, I don't feel sorry for shirty men who's wives cheat on them because they're bad husbands either. People who don't respect their relationships deserve everything they get