Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

If only they'd talked to someone...

81 replies

HouseWithAView · 26/10/2022 18:33

AIBU in thinking that people don't listen?

So often, when someone goes missing or attempts to/succeeds in ending their live, you hear people say 'that's so sad, if only they'd talked to someone about how they were feeling'. However, in many cases the person who was struggling has spoken about their troubles and been told, 'it's not that bad', 'don't be daft', 'I went through similar and I'm fine', etc. Constantly minimising and dismissing.

Granted, most folks family and friends aren't trained counsellors or psychologists but they don't need to be trained to listen and empathise. Sometimes that's all people need, to be heard and acknowledged.

OP posts:
Onlyforcake · 26/10/2022 18:45

Absolutely people are not interested. I've reached out in the past to be told I'm lucky etc, or my pregnancy losses couldn't be helped blah blah. When I have then acted on my feelings I've been heavily berated for my stupidity. I honestly think you should only contact professionals if you are struggling. So very few humans have a genuine care for others.

Ponoka7 · 26/10/2022 18:43

Itsvalentino · 26/10/2022 18:36

My personal favourite is ‘stop worrying’ oh how simple, why didn’t I think of that?!

I agree with you. Most people don’t want to hear about your problems and woes. I guess it’s because they have their own problems to deal with.

I'm struggling so bad at the moment, I cannot cope with my life the way things are, I’ve told people and they tell me to stop worrying and relax, and then they forget about the conversation and move on.

What do you want them to do? What else can they do? Are you saying that to a doctor?

TinaTeaspoons · 26/10/2022 18:43

Agree with you OP.
Most people just don't care.

Ponoka7 · 26/10/2022 18:42

As many people who commit suicide don't talk to other people, or quite simply there wasn't any answers to the depths of their mental struggles. People pounce on those who would say that sometimes people can't be helped outside the MH system, so they've got to say something.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 26/10/2022 18:39

You only have to see threads on here to know that people can't be arsed with other people's problems.

The overt virtue signalling is almost always done by the least sincere

Itsvalentino · 26/10/2022 18:36

My personal favourite is ‘stop worrying’ oh how simple, why didn’t I think of that?!

I agree with you. Most people don’t want to hear about your problems and woes. I guess it’s because they have their own problems to deal with.

I'm struggling so bad at the moment, I cannot cope with my life the way things are, I’ve told people and they tell me to stop worrying and relax, and then they forget about the conversation and move on.

Swipe left for the next trending thread