Anyone leave their horrible DH when their kids were little?

Oh I misread that you do have access to money. Try and stockpile as much as you can.

Presumably the CB is in your name?

What happens to your earning s and the child benefit- where does that money go?

I’m glad you went out. Hope it goes well with the solicitor. If your husband is already looking for rooms, perhaps he’ll be less resistant than you fear.

Talk to someone you can trust. Make sure you have a decent pot of cash in an account he doesn’t have access to. Good luck, you can do this.

You don't love him and he treats you like a skivvy and is abusive towards you.

Get recommendations of solicitors that get good outcomes for those in a similar situations to you and book an appointment asap.

You can do this and you and the DC will be so much happier

I agree with everything @billy1966 has said on this thread. OP, you are in an abusive relationship. Please talk to your family and friends about what is happening to you. Is there somewhere =safe that you and the children can go?

I do understand your worries about custody and I had the same fears myself- in the end my ex only wanted EOW and he's still a shit but at least DC have a home which is safe and in which they are not abused or forced to watch their mother abused. I understand the urge to stay to protect them from being alone with him, but the fact is you can't protect them by staying- you are there and he is still being abusive. (To be clear, this is entirely on him.)

Please go to your dinner tonight. Talk to your friends and be honest about how bad it is. Let them help you see the way forward. Or if you genuinely don't think you can safely leave him with DC, that's your cue to get all of you out and to safety.

His behaviour is on HIM.

You are responsible for you.

But logging his behaviour is the brave thing to do.

You and your children deserve better than this and you do not have to accept it.

The first step is to tell your friends and family the truth.

Ask for support.
Get legal advice.

Don't hesitate to say you are scared of how angry he gets with you and the children.

How you try and deescalate out of fear.

Play up your fear of him.

Getting a recommendation for a decent solicitor.
Calling Women's aid for advice.
Telling your GP.
Asking the solicitor is an occupation order a possibility.

Of course you are fearful, but this is only going to get worse.

Are your parents nearby and supportive?

Let those who care for you help.
I think calling the police the next time he starts on you would be a good idea.
Get him removed from the house.

Keep posting.
We are here for you.

I left, best thing i ever did. And my dc agree (much older now). I was so worried about him having access and his awful negative hateful influence but all its done has push dc away from him. I used to catastrophise when dc were younger that they'd hate me for leaving and blame me etc but the reality couldn't be further from the truth.
Children always know, believe in yourself and the calm peaceful life that it is waiting for you

yes, I left my abusive ex when my children were 5 and 1, youngest is now 18 and at uni, eldest also moved out and works full time.
It has been rough and wonderful at the same time- rough working long hours and not seeing them much when they were young, been at financial breaking point many times (including now), almost ended up homeless at one point, but we have also had some amazing times just the three of us too. They barely see their dad now, their choice as I never shielded him from showing them what a useless parent he was, no need to criticise him to the kids- they could see for themselves how selfish he was. Twenty years of being financially strapped for cash. but now they are both adults I’m really trying to focus on my career.

He's abusing you and the children.

Your son is having to intervene.

This is shocking.

It needs logging.

Get legal advice.

You need to see can you get an occupation order, to get him out.

Please talk to your GP.

Tell your friends and family the truth.

He is abusing you and the children.

If he moves into a house share he won't be able to do 5050. In some ways it would be easier for you if he did leave.

I will never trust mine either. Perhaps yours will do like mine and shack up with an (apparently) lovely woman who will (from what I hear from my son) end up doing most of the childcare.

Go to dinner. Tell your friends. Once you tell someone it will be real. Ask for their friendship and support. Come home early. The sooner you start, the sooner it will be over.

You may well be surprised at how much time with his kids he wants post divorce. Many of us on here thought our exes would go for shared residency and then they didn't - my ex practically disappeared overnight.

Adding to what @SudocremOnEverything he will have to pay for childcare on the days that he has the children! If he has very little money I doubt he'll want to do that. And also, how is he going to get custody of your children if he can't afford to take you to court.

I am talking from experience when I say this, but these men use children as a controlling mechanism. If you were writing how much he adored his children and did everything for them I could understand but it doesn't sound like he does.

My ex left me when my daughter was ten months old. He moved an hour away and went on and on about shared custody! He can't even afford to pay half her nursery fees, so when I told him that he'd have to pay for that he wasn't so keen! He loves having our LG until she isn't on top form. For example, she's been off nursery Ill all week. He couldn't even look after her for a whole day without bringing her back early and claiming he felt ill. I was so intimidated by him at first by his 'I have rights too' bollocks! (He doesn't feel that way when I ask him to pay for his daughter's nursery or look after when she's ill)! I realised he was a bully and just refused to give in to him. Children need at least one stable parent and it sounds like you're that.

Do yourself a favour and get out of the toxic situation. Agree to share custody over the weekend but they need stability in the week. Don't let him bully you into agreeing things you don't want to do

My EXH tried the bad mum bit in our child arrangements court case. Said I should have given up my career to raise our son. Even our elderly male judge said that was nonsense.

Don't let fear drive your decisions. It is going to be difficult, of course it is. But keep your eyes on the prize. Your own space, physically and mentally. The opportunity to raise your kids how you want and in an environment you create, at least some of the time. You can't put a price on that. You can do this.

Why is 50:50 unfair or a bad Mum - you both work??

If he says you are a bad Mum then just say "no we will be equal parents as it should be"

He may threaten 50% but in reality he won't want it.

When he starts spouting off about it be very agreeable "yes 50:50 would work brilliant, I'll need time to get my social life back and take up hobbies etc. week on week off is what is often suggested"

He will back track when it comes down to it.