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AIBU?

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Original poster

Debate over children in public places

114 replies

mavismorpoth · 18/10/2022 11:13

Friend said when you take public transport you have to expect you will hear things like screeching children, see mess, and shouting etc.

I said you have a duty as a parent to ensure your children learn how to act in public and not make mess or screech or shout where it's controllable.

We disagreed.

IABU - if you take public transport you put up and shut up because children and families can be loud and messy

IANBU - as a parent it's a duty to keep our children under a semblance of control in public and not make excessive noise or mess

OP posts:
Mommabear20 · 18/10/2022 11:26

Erm both 🤷‍♀️

I say this as a parent to two toddlers, but if I see a child having a meltdown, because they're too hot, tired, hungry etc then that's absolutely fine up to a certain age when they are able to communicate their feelings better.
But if it's just a lack of input from a parent, or they're screaming because they want this that or the other, then no, that's just plain annoying.

EmmaH2022 · 18/10/2022 11:22

I see your point OP

like some people - not just families - seem to think a train journey actually should involve as many picnic items as possible, playing music out loud etc. Of course people shouldn't do that.

similarly, letting toddlers run up and down carriages etc, shriek, is a problem. I can see why you've presented the two extremes, there's definitely people who fall at either end.

it's quite rare to see a child having a meltdown. It's quite common to see them having noisy laughs and behaviour that is fine for home but not for outside.

RoseslnTheHospital · 18/10/2022 11:22

I'm not voting as your two choices are not opposed to each other. Yes, obviously parents should teach their children about appropriate behaviour in public spaces. Yet at the same time, children are not always going to comply with their parents despite the parents best efforts. So sometimes you will experience excessive noise or mess caused by children in a public place. Just as sometimes adults make excessive noise or leave a mess in a public place.

Chikapu · 18/10/2022 11:19

Sometimes shit happens and it's noisy, messy and unavoidable.

whiteroseredrose · 18/10/2022 11:19

A bit of both.

A parent should do their best to reach DC how to behave in public. DC crying eg in cinemas should be removed.

However children exist, we were all DC once, and they don't always get it right. You can't expect them to behave as mini adults all the time.

PumpkinDart · 18/10/2022 11:18

The reality is somewhere in the middle. Yes generally we should all behave on public transport but children can be over tired, over excited, overwhelmed, over stimulated and generally just pissed off so being trapped on public transport sometimes could be an issue. I'm mother of a ND child and transitions are a huge problem for us so just the act of getting on public transport would have the whole edge.

However it's not just a free pass for children to run riot.

Original poster
mavismorpoth · 18/10/2022 11:18

Theroad · 18/10/2022 11:14

Do you have DC OP? If so how old are they?

One, age 6. Never had a meltdown but has been loud in public, I just ask her not to and make sure she knows why.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 18/10/2022 11:17

Well, it’s both, isn’t it?

minimalwaterdamagee · 18/10/2022 11:17

I agree with you.

luxxlisbon · 18/10/2022 11:17

So what do you do if your toddler is having a tantrum on the bus? Do you have to get off and walk home as punishment because you couldn’t ‘control your child’.

Of course your just have to deal with some noise etc in public places and it won’t always be caused by children. Many times it’s drunk or dickish adults.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 18/10/2022 11:15

Your options are too absolute. The first two points you both made are correct. Concessions need to be made on one side and effort on the other.

Sirzy · 18/10/2022 11:14

Surely the reality is somewhere in the middle?

parents of course should control their children and not let them leave mess around but to expect to never hear children when your out isn’t going to happen!

HouseBook · 18/10/2022 11:14

How do you know the difference, as a by stander, between shouting etc that is controllable and shouting etc that isn't?

Theroad · 18/10/2022 11:14

Do you have DC OP? If so how old are they?