Debate over children in public places

@Lozzybear do you have my children? I could have written this world for word 😅

Same here. Kids are the least offensive!

'Most' children aren't necessarily NT. I work in a primary 1 class and already 5 of the dc have a diagnosis age 4 and 5. 2 more have referrals around 4 more are on the radar not to mention the ones that show later who are currently masking. That's a pretty large chunk of the class and that's not including physical or emotional reasons for loudness or seemingly unruly behaviour

How do children learn how to behave in public without going in public places?
Should they only be allowed in them if they don't get it wrong sometimes?
What if one person's idea of a reasonably well-behaved child (e.g. talking at a normal volume) is another person's incessant chattering?

So you’ve got one child OP and that makes you an expert. Well let me tell you, I’ve got two and they are both completely different. One has never had a tantrum. The other was a complete nightmare as a toddler and the tantrums continued passed the toddler stage. He is much better now at 9 but there was no magic fix. One of the key differences between my two DCs was language skills. One could talk fluently by two the other took much longer before he could hold a decent conversation and make himself understood. Stop judging OP. All children are not alike.

Somewhere in the middle of course. Some noise and mess is inevitable and some is excessive.

well it's both isn't it? If you are out and about among people, and also depending on when and where, you are going to have to handle Other People And Their Noise And Behaviour.

Also, if you are out and about among people, and also depending on when and where, you should behave appropriately (eg. Don't stand up waving a football scarf at that bit in Turandot and don't expect a load of people in football shirts at a football stadium not to bellow along to that bit from Turandot and so on)

I always think that we should teach our Children from a very young age that they shouldn’t disturb or take away enjoyment from other people. It’s respect

What a goady post.

It's a bit of both. You have to take children to those places in order to teach them how to behave in those places.

You know your own kids best, I have a nearly 6yo who is generally very "well behaved" but often wears ear defenders so as a result talks slightly louder, and can get overwhelmed and come across as rude when overstimulated. (Generally I find that adults are worse behaved than children!)

Since my DC has been around 2 and a half, I do make them get off the bus if they're moaning, screaming or generally being annoying. We either walk home or sit and wait for the next bus (London, so usually 10-15 minutes max). It's very effective - I've only had to actually get off the bus with DC twice, the threat is usually enough to stop the behaviour.

That said, I agree with you about drunk people - I find drunk groups singing loudly on public transport much more annoying and intimidating than children acting out.

In London rush hour, commuters often do seem to expect absolute quiet on trains/tubes, so children making ordinary child noise (playing I spy, speaking a bit loudly) do seem to attract quite a lot of disapproval, which I ignore.

YANBU but will no doubt be flamed by people who don't think their precious DC should ever be told to dial it down, and/or the "what about special needs" brigade.

I think anyone sensible knows that babies cry, toddlers have tantrums, and some disabilities aren't visible. However, most children are neurotypical and by the time they are old enough for school, they should be able to sit nicely and moderate their voices in public. It is our job to help them with that (this also means bothering to talk to/engage with them rather than ignoring them).

People should be accepting of noise, chatter or crying from small children in public or on public transport. Obviously parents should curtail running/climbing etc as can be dangerous or distracting. Same with feet on seats or kicking the seat in front etc. But otherwise, all perfectly normal.

What's much more annoying and deserving of complaint is the constant swearing from many adults on public transport. Either in conversation or on the phone. It's really frustrating and puts me and many other families off.

like some people - not just families - seem to think a train journey actually should involve as many picnic items as possible, playing music out loud etc. Of course people shouldn't do that.

Why do you care what people are eating on a train? Unless it's very unpleasantly smelly but picnic items tend not to be

I think we hold parents to higher standards than the rest of the general public.
I tell my children to behave but it you can stop a 2 year old lying on the floor having a melt down please let me know.

@EmmaH2022 not a fan of indoor voices then?

It's quite common to see them having noisy laughs and behaviour that is fine for home but not for outside.

And yet you specifically said noisy laughs outside are not acceptable.

One, age 6. Never had a meltdown but has been loud in public, I just ask her not to and make sure she knows why.

Is she neurotypical, has she suffered trans which affects her behaviour, does she have full hearing that allows her to hear and regulate the volume of her voice, does she have no disabilities that affect noice. Did she never have tantrums as a toddler? What wound happening if she became upset or say got stung by a bee. Would she suppress noise because she was in public?

Other things I hate on public transport include people eating stinky food, manspreading, BO, people watching videos or playing music on their phones - give me a noisy kid over any of those.

Everyone should make an effort to ensure their actions don't negatively impact on other transport users. But sometimes shit happens. A toddler has a tantrum. A child is sick. An ND person has a meltdown. So there has to be understanding.

In my book people shouldn't..
Watching Peppa Pig, listening to music, watching a film, playing a game etc without headphones is pretty antisocial. Whatever age.
Leaving behind rubbish
Having loud conversations
Eating very smelly food
Playing musical instruments

Trying to stop a crying baby/toddler, walking a kid up and down (without squealing), playing games quietly, having a picnic etc is just normal behaviour

luxx not a fan of indoor voices then?

re picnics - you can eat discreetly on a train or you can make a mission of spreading stuff all over the table that you are actually meant to share with strangers IYSWIM.

Both. You teach your kids not to be inconsiderate and loud, but sometimes there are off days when even well brought up kids go off the rails. It doesn't help to have strangers tutting all over the place.

Public transport is public, kids are people, you expect to encounter people in all their variable levels of tolerability on public transport.

Some noise is to be expected. Most children are loud and excitable and it's not fair that we place adult expectations on them all the time. It's as much their world as ours.

However; it depends on the extent of disruption. I have one child who has never been any trouble in public. She is beautifully behaved and reasonable and I could take her anywhere from birth and know things would run smoothly. My second child has a very different temperament. She's naturally loud - to the extent I had her hearing tested as I assumed something must be amiss. I think I was so used to her sister that I forgot quiet children are the anomaly not the norm! She's always chatting and laughing and full of life. Which some may find annoying.

I'm not on public transport much but I would correct her if she started screeching or if she was whinging loudly about something but other than that I'd probably leave her be. Mess is a no no though.

Does your friend have particularly unruly children? My sister has feral kids and she makes excuses for them all the time so I can imagine her completely agreeing with your friend.

I don’t think you live in the normal world. The vast majority of people don’t class picnic food items on trains or children laughing to be unacceptable.