Debate over children in public places

Does she stay quiet when you ask? What do you do if and when she doesn't?

Yeah exactly this.

What going on there? More understanding perhaps. The dc already diagnosed would always have been, you'd probably not have seen them though as they wouldn't have been in a mainstream school. Some of the others, in the past, might have just been labelled naughty, disruptive, strange. We know better now. There might also be some socioeconomic factors too - I doubt you have those numbers at the posh private school up the road.

Sometimes things can’t be helped, OP. A child might be loud one day but quiet the next. My DD cried and shouted loudly on the bus the other day because she was fed up after being stood in the heavy rain for ages. The following day she was her happy little self again and just sat quietly next to me. It depends on how tolerant you are whether you let children around you bother you or not and to be honest it’s your problem. Do you think I enjoyed it when she was crying? What do you suggest I should have done on top of cuddling her and trying to talk to her/distract her?

Totally agree. We should not all have to 'put up with' other peoples' poor parenting and the children's bad behaviour. There is a difference between a baby crying because it is hungry/wet/unwell (totally normal) and an older child throwing crisps on the floor and racing up and down a train aisle screaming while their feckless parents sit on their phones.

Best will in the world OP you have one child

I have 3 including twins. Things unfortunately do get chaotic and messy despite my best efforts - I'm a single parent now so unless I want to keep them locked away at home I do need to venture into public with them occasionally

I didn't know it before I had a baby that babies knew more than I thought they did and so do children.

If they're old enough to understand that they shouldn't make a noise on public places, most of them will act reasonably and most of them do. Whether you agree or not, I personally don't have much experience that I felt annoyed by children's noise.

It's not that parents fail to discipline their child to hear a noise or it's not children's fault either. It's because the babies or toddlers are too young to undestand, they make a noise and it's uncontrollable.

Kids misbehave sometimes, what fucks me off is parents smiling indulgently as though the shitty behaviour is cute.

@Theroad Sorry I meant *neurodiverse (excuse my dyslexia)

I can’t vote because I think both you and your friend are partly right.

Parents should be teaching their children to behave appropriately in public… but they’re not robots and most children will occasionally get overwhelmed/overexcited/overtired and cause a disturbance. It’s normal and I hate the people who tut loudly when they see a toddler tantrum. Children are part of society and have to have the opportunities to learn.

@Theroad And also I don't know why you're so 'concerned' about the existence of neurotypicals? We're not diseased.

‘My friend is by no means chavvy but when it comes to children she thinks they can do what they like really’

Well, don’t you sound delightful.

Exactly- you only win if you have perfectly behaved children, which, this may come as a shock to the OP, is near on fully down to LUCK, not parenting.

YABU. Both sides are too rigid.

@Theroad No because 'neurotypical' still means neurotypical and 'neurodiverse' still means neurodivese, no matter how many of us there is.

Of course people also judge parents for letting their children have screens at tables in restaurants or on public transport (with headphones so not disturbing anyone) etc too. Can't win really.

These conversations are always just unhelpful and judgemental. You can't possibly know everyone's circumstances and I'm fairly sure that most all parents do their best to not let their children act up in public. No one enjoys that.
but it's people who think parents should "control their children better" that make people feel like shit.
my dc is autistic but you wouldn't know to look at him.
I frequently end up in years when my child is "acting up" in public because I just can't cope with the added pressure of people staring and tutting and judging when I'm already trying everything I can.

I don't mind as long as parents are making some effort to manage their children's behaviour. It's when they are sitting messing with their phone while their children disrupt others that it becomes annoying - in fairness, I have only seen that once or twice on public transport.

Kids are learning though? So while learning they will do those things!

Your options are too extreme.

You try to control your children, but children aren’t robots and can be unpredictable.
I generally take the view that 99% of parents are doing their best, so if I see a parent struggling and I am able to in the moment I usually offer a hand or a supportive word- it’s hard. We don’t need to make it harder for each other.

tbh it's a pity more people don't take more children to more places. If they had there wouldn't be hordes of adults who have no idea how to behave in restaurants, theatres and so on

@liveforsummer LOL. I think it’s pretty common but it did take me by surprise when DC2 turned into the toddler from hell!

I also agree with people’s comments that children are not the worst offenders. I have a friend who is cabin crew for a major airline and she always says give her a plane load of kids any day. It’s the adults that cause her the real problems. I have been subjected to a few drunken idiots on planes over the years and I would agree with her. I do not feel threatened by a two year old having a tantrum but I have felt threatened by adults on planes (and other forms of public transport).

Most' children aren't necessarily NT. I work in a primary 1 class and already 5 of the dc have a diagnosis age 4 and 5. 2 more have referrals around 4 more are on the radar not to mention the ones that show later who are currently masking. That's a pretty large chunk of the class and that's not including physical or emotional reasons for loudness or seemingly unruly behaviour

That's very strange. What's going on there? Over pathologisation? I'd be concerned at those numbers. At that rate if over half the kids end up with some form of diagnosis will the meaning of "neurotypical" have to change?

Absolutely agree with this.

It's not a situation anyone can win really. If your children sit silently and still people are going to judge that they're not being allowed to act like children. If they're loud and playing around they're too much and need to stop.

There is no happy medium, somone will always judge the way you raise your children and they way they act in in public.