No effort on my birthday

Why do you say you don’t want the same back?
If you’re bothered enough to give 2 expensive presents, a card and an expensive meal out, why wouldn’t you also want that?

Honestly I’d be sympathetic if this was your first birthday that he didn’t bother with. Or if he never bothered so you’d stopped. But for god’s sake stop being such a wet lettuce! Why are you wasting all that money on him when he doesn’t care?

I've taught my daughter that she doesn't have to sit meekly waiting for a man to "make her feel special". Especially if she expects him to guess what she might like, (and get it wrong probably - because it's very rare that "surprises" ever really work even if the recipients pretend they do).
She has arranged trips and parties and dinners and teas and I've arranged art galleries, lunches, walks and pubs - and invited, (not summoned) people to join for our birthdays.
People who come make us feel very special. It just makes sense - everyone feels happier if communication is clearer and more open.

(And I don't sit and wait to be "asked" to get married or go on a date or offered a job or anything really. ) But I accept that others don't feel the same.

is This really all we should be teaching our daughters to expect ? Sort your own birthday out as nobody else can be bothered to make you feel special.
I'm sorry your spouse has led you to expect nothing better.

It's a bit late for that now.

it just shows a lack of thought abd consideration for the person he is meant to love most. She has shown him she feels birthdays are important by making a big fuss of his.
why are women expected to think about abd plan everything, even what they want their DH to "surprise " them with ? Presumably the DH manages to hold down a job so he can't be that incapable. It smacks of complacency, lack of care and laziness to me.
i hope the OP doesn't bother with his birthday next year, he can see how much he enjoys being overlooked.
imo the cheap flowers make it worse, they say "I know it's your birthday and this is all I could be arsed with"

Sort your own birthday. That way you get to spend it how you like with who you like, Book your favourite restaurant, buy yourself a dress you love, buy yourself some flowers and invite the people you love to share it. I've always thought birthdays are about giving not waiting for others to guess what you want. Once you change that mindset you'll have lovely birthdays. (And not everyone loves being "spoilt" on their birthday but if someone's made a fuss you have to pretend to like it).

A proper conversation is necessary.

I'd be upset op and I wouldn't hold back in telling him why. I'd also point out the expense, time and effort you took on his birthday and not expect anything other than pants and socks at Christmas from you and the dc.

I think birthdays, especially when you have young dc should be special, it's the only day that's really yours and that you can have a fuss made over. Most dc enjoy spoiling their parents, but at a certain age that needs to be facilitated by the other parent.

You said it’s the same every year, have you told him how this has made you feel?
Why did you spend so much on him if you know he doesn’t for you

‘What would you like to do’
’I would like to go for a slap up steak meal, I’ll leave it to you book that?’

Don't make excuses. Everybody knows you go to effort for a birthday, particularly when your own birthday has been celebrated with presents abd a special meal.

How is he every day? Some people just don't place a high value on birthdays. (It's very important to me NOT to be reminded of mine, but I realize that I'm unusual.) Does he expect you to go all out for his, or do you just choose to? At any rate, there's a difference between 'My partner never goes to any effort for me, EVEN on my birthday' and 'My partner is helpful and considerate every day, but doesn't treat my birthday as very special', and what I'd advise would depend very much on which of these it is.)

What happened last year? What’s he like with Christmas/anniversaries etc?

If it's the same every year why did you expect it to be different this year? Unless you spoke to him previously about how you feel?

The fact is it clearly hasn't occurred to him to go all out for your birthday, some people are neutral about birthdays, they don't really care that much, your DH might be one of them, so you will have to communicate that you would like him to make a fuss to make you feel special.

There no excuse for being like that about your birthday. My son who is asd knows birthday, Christmas, special events are important. As a single parent for years at first with my mums help but now he plans, spend alot of time researching things he thinks I'd like and saves his pocket money up to take me out for tea, (I put to but he doesn't know that) Spends ages in card shop choosing the right card. A grown man without learning difficulties should be able to pull off similar situations, personal next birthday id get him exactly what he got you maybe he needs to feel exactly how it feel when no effort is put into his birthday. Happy birthday hope someone else spoils you.

He’s not making you feel special because he doesn’t give a shit about doing so.

Why would you want to stay with someone who treats you like this?

Is he thoughtful in other ways? Some people are just shit at birthday stuff, some people are shit at organising. If he's asked you what you want to do , tell him:
"I'd like you to book a surprise restaurant for tonight, sort out a babysitter and buy me this dress.. here is the link."
Then in a few days/weeks tell him that you were hurt he hadn't sorted anything in advance, that birthdays are a big deal to you and that hopefully next year/on your anniversary/Christmas he will show his appreciation. If he gets it wrong again you will have to question whether he is a keeper.
Some men need things spelled out, but once you have done so, there is no excuse. I started having conversations withDH weeks in advance .. " on my birthday let's do x/ I'd love a surprise/this specific thing.
Happy Birthday.