To ask my partner for a vasectomy

I’m not saying you should leave him. There are replies on here telling you that and I don’t agree with that either. My post wasn’t even completely at you when I said I don’t agree with forcing people into surgery. There’s a fair few replies encouraging that too.

Mumsnet is a discussion board, so lots of people posting and discussion evolves, people reply to others directly or to the 'general' opinion (which, when it comes to vasectomies seems to be the man just needs to stop being a wimp, needs sex withholding until he gives in, should do it because the woman has had the kids despite the fact that there's a biological reason the man can't "do his bit" in that respect)

As I say, I thought it was obvious I was responding generally, but I am sorry it didn't come across that way

Point still stands. You offered and that’s fine. If he’d offered that would be fine too but he didn’t. I think you came at it wrong from the outset. The ‘I will stay on this until you get a vasectomy’. I can’t help but feel like the responses would be massively different if he had said something along those lines. Something like ‘I’ll continue to use condoms till you get your tubes tied’. That would cause uproar yet there’s other posters - not you - saying things like “he wouldn’t be my husband” or “I wouldn’t sleep with him till it was done” etc.

Can you imagine the slagging men would get over on the feminism boards for saying that stuff if the sexes were reversed?

Wow op, sorry I thought it was obvious I wasn't directing my post (apart from yabu bit) at you, but all that stuff is usually what gets trotted out by people on these sorts of threads (and indeed has!)

bit surprised out of all the shitty comments you've had you lash out at mine which was pretty mild and not attacking you personally at all, I thought anyway.

Good luck to you hope it all works out either way.

OP are you certain he's 100% done?

How would you both react if you found out you were pregnant again?

women take the burden and risks of birth control and pregnancy for years. When a couple is done procreating, the man needs to take his turn. the female birth control options are higher risk than a vasectomy. A man who wants you to continue to take those risks should be a massive turn-off.

I don’t believe in forcing someone into surgery sorry. I don’t take hormonal contraceptives either but there are other options either of you can use. How would you react if he asked you to get sterilised?

Because he had open surgery with 2 3-inch incisions on his pubic region on either side. He has a business that includes extremely heavy lifting and mobility.
Plus the op coincided with a 2-3 week holiday in the end.

The surgeon was very specific with his instructions due to the nature of his business. If you damage the internal sutures the op will fail. Post-op was fine, although 2 weeks ago a blood vessel burst and the whole area turned blue.
I know he says the wound is still sore, so he's not ready to resume gym or running yet.

Why on earth did he need 12 weeks off!

The relationships across the new step family is perfect.

Ok. Not sure why you mentioned that she apparently didn’t appreciate his efforts by getting a vasectomy then, but ok. You obviously all get on like a house on fire…

snippy

The one person who should be snippy, is the OP’s husband. By having the vasectomy he said he’d have.

Which part are you referring to.
Reversals are done privately.
PESA, TESA, is part of the fertility umbrella procedure. These are also private procedures for those with children.

I didn't think they did these anymore but did PESA or TESA procedures instead.

Yes I was advised to have both tubes removed which reduced that risk plus I was also told this might reduce the risk of ovarian cancer later in life as they think some cancers might originate from them.

So nothing but implication. They divorced 3-4yrs post surgery. The vasectomy is his only regret. The relationships across the new step family is perfect.

Snippy, you and others have been nothing but snippy.
Just to add the cost of reversal is around about the same cost as female sterilisation.
It's open surgery, with minimum 6 weeks off work, Dp took 12 weeks off. There has been a few complications post op. Test have proven the op has been a success.

I'll repeat I have every sympathy with the ops predicament. What I don't like is the bullying and man bashing.

Just tell him your vagina is taking a sabatical at a convent.

This will continue indefinitely. He has two options;

1. vasectomy
2. Becoming a Transwoman (full surgery + hormones+ wearing a dress to work)

You'd think so, but it all boils down to cost. Female sterilisation costs more.

They give no shits about removing our choices or subjecting us to abortions/hormonal contraception/unwanted children. Its all about money.

God bless this Tory government.

He's being unreasonable. I had 3 coils over the years as hormonal contraception messed me up. However, it was MASSIVELY painful both being put in and taken out as i have a tilted uterus and apparently, as the doctor said, a very tight cervix!

After the last time i refused to have any more fitted. We both hate condoms.

Dh took forever to book a vasectomy, we ended up with a baby. Day after positive test he booked his vasectomy!!

He did find it painful and took him a good month to feel back to normal, but no sympathy from me. Coils being fitted, csection and vaginal births, plus a painful disabilitydue to a bad pregnancyand birth - he just had to get on with it. I was done.

He now loves it as neither of us have to worry.

It’s surely discriminatory for health authorities not to fund female sterilisation and refuse women the same opportunity to take control and responsibility for their fertility as men.

Refusing to have or 'witholding' have sex is not abusive. He is not entitled to use your body to ejaculate into.

The health authority in my area do not fund female sterilisation. I pushed hard as a 35 year old woman with two children and they said no. Repeatedly.

Current partner had the snip (six weeks from referral to op, same health authority). Took about twenty minutes, no stitches whatsoever and he was uncomfortable for a couple of days, mostly from the tight pants he had to wear.

If you both want sex with little risk of babies, its condoms or the snip. Squeamish doesn't excuse him. You and your body have done enough.

I’m a little disconcerted that the OP is being criticised for not respecting his bodily autonomy by asking him to have a vasectomy, but also being called abusive for potentially withholding sex when he refuses m, and she’s had enough of impacting her own health with pregnancies, miscarriages and contraception.