To ask my partner for a vasectomy

I asked about female sterilisation once and the nurse told me to forget it, the NHS were vanishingly unlikely to do the more expensive option when they could give DH a vasectomy.

Female sterilisation is also likely to be a nonstarter unless OP can pay herself - it's less effective than IUDs and has the two major disadvantages of being 1) invasive and 2) irreversible.

Vasectomy is often not reversible either. It’s not meant to be. Reversal attempts are often not successful.

dont Men also have bodily autonomy though? I don’t like the idea of anyone being pressured into any medical procedure against their will.

there are other options it just needs sensible conversations

If this question was the other way around there would be outrage at the idea of pressuring / coercing a woman into having non-essential surgery against her will. His body: his choice.

However, that said, you also have choices. You know that he doesn’t want a vasectomy, and you know that you don’t want a pregnancy or hormonal contraceptives, so your options are:

• non-hormonal contraception
• abstinence
• female sterilisation

In an ideal works you would be able to discuss it and reach a decision as a couple, but really neither of you has the right to force or pressure the other to do something they feel uncomfortable with or will be adversely affected by.

Of course he should get it done. Squeamish? Try giving birth and having multiple miscarriages mate. It's his turn.

I have 2 DC and we decided not to have any more. DH didn't like the idea of a vasectomy either but he had one like a shot. Like I say, I have given birth twice, gone through a termination, had ovarian cancer, regular internal scans and examinations, smear tests, breast feeding, bad reactions to contraceptives - my body has done its bit for our family! DH was in and out within an hour and had mild discomfort for a couple of days.

@Foreveranxious22 Him being ‘squeamish’ about a tiny procedure after I’d given birth to 2 children and all the pain and squeamish things that go along with that would make me look at him as pathetic. That in turn would give me the ick and I’d never have sex with him again.

What a big brave man he is. Ick.

Er, not to point out the obvious but you're literally acting as a beacon point for men who do have issues. You never see the vast majority who don't.

People don't get a hysterectomy for contraception! It's a major operation with major long term side effects. Female sterilisation is also likely to be a nonstarter unless OP can pay herself - it's less effective than IUDs and has the two major disadvantages of being 1) invasive and 2) irreversible. And a surprising fraction of women historically change their minds after having it done and then sue the NHS for "letting" them, which the NHS understandably does not enjoy.

Exactly.

So pathetic.

This is laughable! Don't expect a man to go through a very minor procedure, he has bodily autonomy you know. Instead, let me suggest some procedures that you, a woman who has given birth twice and suffered miscarriages, can go through instead. Classic.

I don't do well on hormones, so my DH got it done after our surprise 3rd. A few days of pain and he's been fine.
It really should be pushed more, so much easier than any option available for women

Condoms or no sex. Be more careful. Hopefully the scare will be a lesson!

Yes, they were paid to promote long acting contraception. This included copper coils. So your earlier comment was incorrect. They were paid to promote both kinds and depo-provera, the injection

I think you can tell him it’s his responsibility, vasectomy, condoms or abstinence, I don’t think you can tell him it has to be a vasectomy. When I went to the doctors there was a lot of questions about the strength of our marriage, worth thinking about. But what put me off was that about 5% of people get pretty severe long term pain, do you have enough sex to risk that.

YABU imo.
While I completely understand you not wanting to be on contraceptives, he has every right to not want to go through (even minor) surgery, and lose the ability to have more children in the future if he wants, people do change their minds. In this instance, I'd recommend using condoms 🤷‍♀️

The reason I asked unthread as to the age of the Op and her partner is if under 40, I’m not sure I’d entertain either being sterilised. You just don’t know what the future holds. Worst case scenario op or her husband suddenly pass away and husband/wife meets someone else and wants to start another family. These things do happen.

No decent man needs to be ‘forced’.

Decent men are happy to do it.

Dp previously had a vasectomy, he's just had it reversed, the first step in TTC. If you stay together the vasectomy is great for all parties, if you don't. It's an extremely expensive op to undo, painful with a long recovery time.
I would never force my partner to have an op they didn't want.

Yanbu. My husband was putting off phoning the gp (not as long as yours because i nagged him!) When it came to the six weeks post baby check up I told him I wasn't going to ask for the pill at that appointment unless he'd already have his appointment in.
That baby is now 8 months old and we've got a couple of weeks until my husband gets the all clear. It will be so worth it. I'd
tell him you're coming off the pill at x date if he's not phoned to make the appointment. I'm very annoyed it only got done because I threatened but at least now it's done.

I had this with my ex. Note....ex.

Amazed at all these men who can look their wife, who has suffered, deeply greatly, more than once, in the eye and say they're too scared to make vasectomy an option. It's much easier than a tube tie!
Yes I know bodily autonomy is theirs, so they are in their rights, but ffs how can they put that alongside what their loved one has/is going through, and not just step up. It's not admirable.

My hubby got it done, all fine, up and around after 2 days rest. First 3/6 months they recommended another form of contraception till all the count was at 0.
I can't go on the pill, allergic to condoms and the coil didn't agree with me. We had multiple losses and I physically and mentally couldn't do that again.

DH got a vasectomy 6 days after our 2nd child was born.
He said barely any pain and there hasn't been any side effects.
3.5 years since then and no hormones for me and no condoms.
It's so much better.
He had just turned 27 when he got it done, the doctors did question if he was definitely done having children (he just has the 2 we have together) and did ask a few times if it wouldn't just be easier for me to sort out hormonal contraception 🙄
He pushed for it as I'd done the contraception, pregnancies and 2 c sections. And we were 100% sure we didn't want more than the ones we already had.

You know what’s even more minor?

Vasectomy.

YANBU.
Agree with coming off the pill if it gives you bother.
He needs to sort himself out.

Some information about female sterilisation, it’s not such major surgery as it used to be and many women return home the same day.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/female-sterilisation/