To ask my partner for a vasectomy

My DH had it done as soon as our DS was born. He knew hi didn't want any more children either with me or anybody else. He had it done in the afternoon and went back to work the next day.
We paid privately as we didn't want to wait and risk another pregnancy.

As far as coils is concerned, I did have the mirena coil fitted a few years later (due to very heavy periods) and had no issues at all. I think we are often mentally affected by the negatives and focusing on the positives of contraceptive coils.
Good Luck X

I am sorry if this has been addressed, but given that it is your body experiencing the pain and discomfort, why not have a tubal ligation? That puts you in control of your own body regardless of your partner's thoughts or actions.

Both procedures are invasive , but one decision puts the control in your hands. If you know with certainty that you do not want anymore children, then it makes sense that you would be the one to ensure that the possibility is eliminated. Your partner may not wish to eliminate the possibility that he might want to have another child at some later date.

If you wanted a higher rate of assurance , you could have a tubal and he could have the snip.

I would give him the option of condoms or a vasectomy. You’ve done your bit, he needs to be a big boy and take his turn

I don't think OP mentioned having had surgery - apologies if I missed that. To be honest, I wasn't thinking of it in terms of whose turn it is - 'I do this, so you do that'. I just wondered why, if there is an alternative solution, why is it not an option. I don't think OP has said this yet.

It’s because a lot of trusts won’t refer women for sterilisation on the NHS.

I don’t understand how a man can watch his wife go through years of contraceptive issues and childbirth and be this selfish.

it is down to bodily autonomy. You are perfectly entitled not to use any contraception that has adverse effects on you. He is perfectly entitled not to want to undergo any procedures on his body.

You are sure there are to be no more children. So now you have to work out how that is going to happen for sure. If you don't want to have your tubes tied or whatever, then you have to suggest condoms & spermicide, no PIV sex, no sex, get a coil, etc etc etc.

You can both choose which is the least worst for you, right?

Because, excepting barrier methods, all birth control has side effects. Why should it be on her to take all the side effects again? It's a lazy excuse for selfish men. Yes it's his choice, but it's a very selfish choice.

The misogynists and handmaidens are out in full force on this thread. Women are our own worst enemies.

@fabfifty4 Because she has taken all the risks, all the pregnancies, all the surgeries. It's HIS TURN. That's why! It's HIS SPERM that makes her pregnant, too, so it's more his responsibility than hers.

I'd be getting rid of the selfish and disrespectful husband.

Would do women put up with it and accept taking all the surgeries and risks? Keep your tubes, ditch the selfish and disrespectful husband. You can do far better.

No doubt I'm going to get shot down for this but here goes. The suggestion of having your tubes tied seems to be getting shut down by many posters, and I am genuinely curious as to why that is? I personally don't think that a vasectomy is a minor operation, perhaps the op is but the consequences are not. I also suffered multiple miscarriages, so understand how you feel and how traumatic that is, but if you are 100% sure that you are done with having babies, wouldn't you having the op make sense. I am so used to reading 'your body, your choice' on MN, when it is the woman but her partner not wanting the op for whatever reason, is met with derision. Just to add, I would be saying exactly the same if a man had posted saying that he doesn't want anymore children so he's told his wife to have her tubes tied.

My husband was meant to get a vasectomy after our first 2, then after our 3rd, then after the 4th but told me he was too busy to book/have a vasectomy. I rang up and booked the initial appointment and told him to attend I don’t care if your busy, I’m busy. He attended.

DH won't get the snip so I'm getting my tubes removed (biliateral salpingectomy is now the preferred form of surgery over tubal ligation). It was a long road, I've fought for 8 years and had multiple different types of contraceptive in that time but I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Bodily autonomy goes both ways.

No of course they aren't @Foreveranxious22 and I'm sorry that came across as insensitive. I was just trying to make the point that these could be some of the reasons why people who previously thought they were done with having children may go on to have more later. I am sorry for your loss, I really am.

@MrsTuxedo yes because the woman has already gone through so much, having miscarriages/children etc, 1 more surgery wouldn't hurt right, no need for the man to do 1 thing for this wife and family 🤦🏼‍♀️

honestly, the 2 aren't comparable, the husband is being selfish, the snip is far less invasive than the womans version, and OP has put her body through more than enough already

I don't get it. Why not go for the female sterilisation and have your fallopian tubes sealed?

Because apparently, according to my GP, I'm not old enough to know that I'm definitely done having children (even though I'm old enough to have decided I was ready for children and I'm old enough to go through abortion...) so I can't get a referral

Well said.

Or, instead of OP risking yet another pregnancy/miscarriage/need for an abortion since even a common cold can affect your cycles and tracking is not reliable, just say No Snip - No Sex? Much better. He'd soon cave if he thought he'd never get sex again.

Many NHS trusts won't do this due to cost versus the option of a vasectomy now.
My friend was refused sterilisation in her area.

OP, your DH needs to get over his fear really.he says he's sqeemish but he needs to remember what you have put your body through to give him his children.

I'm about to be in same position where we are done having kids, i'm not going back on any contraception as i have done my part, i've been on it for 15 years, gone through a tough labour and a c section and i don't want to mess with my body any more, it is my DH's turn now to sort contraception and have the snip. He 'hates' condoms 🤦🏼‍♀️ but i have told him we won't be having unprotected sex as i don't want another baby, so he needs to step up for our family or live with no sex.

The snip for guys is so much less dangerous than the equivelent for women, they aren't comparable imo.

@CatsandFish maybe OP's husband would be happy with no PIV? We don't know!