"All men cheat, you just never find out about it"

Yes, people re write history. My experience too.
When they die, you find out the truth. (Often kept secret, for obvious reasons, from the DCs)

I am the sort of person to have an affair/cheat, so I answer a poll on the subject?
Nah.

I used to be a care for an elderly gentleman who was the DF of a friend. I’d sit and listen to him talk for years, he seemed to have high morals and a few times talked about a couple of people he knew who had cheated on their wives and how he thought it was shameful behaviour.
We got on well and I enjoyed listening to his stories.
After two years of working for him I was chatting to his daughter and she told me when he was middle aged he had a long affair with a colleague at work. He got caught and my friend’s mum was devastated. I never felt the same about the man again.

That is true. On the other hand, a lot of what people think they know is based on gossip.

I reckon people are more likely to be honest with pollsters. Here are some examples.

21% of British men report cheating in some way at some point (2015)
yougov.co.uk/topics/society/articles-reports/2015/05/27/one-five-british-adults-admit-affair

23% of American men report cheating at some point (2021)
psychcentral.com/blog/how-common-is-cheating-infidelity-really

25% of New Zealanders report cheating at some point (no separate figures for women and men)
www.newshub.co.nz/home/new-zealand/2018/03/a-quarter-of-new-zealanders-are-cheaters-and-one-in-seven-in-long-term-affairs-survey.amp.html

Here's one with a much higher estimate (75%), of college students
www.bbc.com/future/article/20190625-why-we-need-to-talk-about-cheating

And here's another American one from 2015: 21% of men have cheated.
today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2015/06/02/men-more-likely-think-cheating

So there it is. Apart from one niche study, low 20s. Your partner probably hasn't cheated. And there's just a lot less sex going on that we like to admit, interesting though it is.

There is an awful lot of people assuming an awful lot of knowledge about an awful lot of other people.

I'd assume that most people embarking on affairs would attempt to be discreet about it.

I'm with you, mauveskies. But for me they try it on with messaging. Although some have pushed it IRL. I block the fuckers. I think there's a lot of it going on, and I'm happy to say I'm not involved.

Of course all men and women are capable of cheating.

I have cheated in all of my past relationships, so has DH. Both of us were disappointed / disillusioned with our relationships which rightly or wrongly, led us to look elsewhere.

However, I would never ever cheat on my DH. It wouldn’t even be a passing thought. I just don’t find other men as attractive or as interesting as DH so why would I. He is everything I need. But the overriding reason, and DH and so have both discussed this, is because I genuinely respect DH. I have never respected any of my exes.

I know DH wouldn’t cheat on me either.

So, despite both of our histories, we are
no longer cheats. Leopards can change spots and all that.

Sorry that should say her not herb lol

This is always an interesting topic.

I guess it depends on the person.

I think less confident/sensitive type guys are less likely to cheat.

I know one guy who was gutted by his girlfriend cheating...he wouldn't of done it to herb

I'm not suggesting your husband isn't honourable, but I can't imagine anyone giving any other sort of answer to this one!

What is the point asking!!
What can he say? Even the best answer would be "Um, id love to sleep with somebody else but I wouldnt want it on my conscience and I don't want to hurt you or lose you or half the house and see the kids EOW"

DH is a 'quiet one' so I asked him and all he said was stuff that if I wasn't here he'd rather get a dog. So I'm now the substitute dog it seems.

The quiet very good looking dark horses 😱

and are much more likely to have affairs that nobody ever knows about.
Lairy ones just have one night stands.

The quiet ones will find women online!

Nope. That's the last thing I am I can assure you!
If my point was that the quiet guy in the corner would never cheat, then yes, you'd be right. But it's not. The quiet guy in the corner may well cheat too, but his opportunities to do so are going to be hampered by his passivity, as unless he's exceptional, he won't get women falling into his lap with offers of an affair with zero effort on his part.
Meanwhile the lairy guy making comments is actively seeking engagement with women. So if you are unfortunate enough to be this guy's partner, you have a bigger liability on your hands than if you were married to quiet Steve, who might fall for his colleague, and indeed make some effort in pusuing a woman he's really keen on, but isn't going to be on the pull everytime he's out with the lads.

A huge number of men cheat, but equally a huge number don't. The ones that don't though I think are constantly fantasising about cheating!

I've been completely faithful to my DH for almost 27 years, but I've had about seven major crushes during that time that I never acted on.

I've always assumed my DH was similar, but I love him and I just think we're only human.

That makes no sense.

It's not just based on the numbers of men there are and the numbers of females there are!

There are so many variables at play.

What we are saying is more men (who are in relationships) cheat than women (who are in relationships).

there are plenty of other people who don't fit into those categories

This is SO not true!!! That's very naive.

My marriage would have looked idyllic from the outside and in many ways it was (I'm a widow now). Literally no one close enough to me to have an opinion on my marriage knows I had an affair.

@XelaM sounds like my parents marriage too. looks idyllic and would never have thought in a million years possible. it was only when clearing out drawers after a death, I came across a letter from my dad to my mum that she had kept, apologising for what he had done on a "one off never again" moment 45 years ago.

Some probably are cheating with men. Some will be with colleagues or others they meet while working away. A lot will be on dating apps, some of them failing to mention they're already in a relationship. People aren't always aware, at least at the outset, that they're part of a cheating relationship, though I imagine these are a minority.

There are very great expectations that relationships will be monogamous, and I think that many couples never discuss whether it is what will suit them most. It does in many cases, buy you also have swingers' clubs - but I think even if you choose a relationship that isn't conventionally monogamous, you can still cheat - any relationship will have boundaries, and if you agree something like you can have sex with others only when together, then having sex with a colleague at a work conference would be cheating. I suspect there are some who decide to try more open relationships without actually agreeing boundaries, because they've already decided they want to sleep with someone else and want to try and legitimise it.

I think a lot of people (both sexes) probably do cheat, and are never found out. Some of these will live with a lot of guilt as a result. I suspect more would if opportunity arose, but they don't actively pursue it. I think there are also habitual cheaters, and they are the most problematic ones, because they don't consider how their actions affect others.

Sleeping with someone else may not be a problem, depending on the relationship, but cheating is, because that implies lack of honesty.

On a recent trip to the smoking shelter the conversation between the girls revolved around which one of their male co-workers would they like to have sex with.
This idea women are passive participants is nonsense.

Hm. Agree with him more than I disagree, tbh!

Sorry. Known a lot of cheaters.

Who are all these men cheating with? Other men maybe?

It's just statistically impossible that all men cheat and most women don't.
Unless, of course, single women have many more partners than singe men.

It doesn't take much thinking about to realise this can't be true.