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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think boys shouldn't be in women's toilets

136 replies

verazayac · 11/10/2022 12:15

...even if he's with his gay.

Just been to the shopping centre with toddler DD, she told me she needs the toilet so I took her, the women’s toilets are in a different place to the men's, I saw 2 girls with a teenage boy, I would guess between 16-18, they told him to go in with them as they didn't know where the men’s toilets were and told him he's gay and with friends anyway so he can't be accused of being a creep. I was a bit Hmm, I hurried DD and whilst we were washing our hands a few women did come in and look at him but didn't say anything.

Aibu to think he shouldn't have gone in the women's toilets even if he's gay and with friends?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 11/10/2022 13:58

HailAdrian · 11/10/2022 13:49

My son is 9 and disabled, if they haven't bothered to provide an accessible toilet then he comes with me because I'm not using the men's.

Thats a bit different to being 17 and too stupid/lazy to find the men's and needing support females to look after your weeing needs isn't it?

FidgetWonkham · 11/10/2022 13:55

I have a young son. Id say a boy of 8/9/10 is more vulnerable in the mens toilets on his own than he is a threat to girls or women in the female toilets.

My son probably went in the Mens from about 9 or 10 but I waited outside feeling very uneasy about it.

RedToothBrush · 11/10/2022 13:55

Isn't he mature enough to find the toilets himself?

Why does he need the labour of women to help him find them or a suitable alternative?

Who made these girls feel they could overrule and dictate to other women about who was allowed in the womens? Did they think that they were being inclusive in potentially upsetting others on a number of levels including religious?

Sorry, but not ok and they need challenging. Its not up to them to make that decision and that lad needs to remove his head from his arse.

SlashBeef · 11/10/2022 13:55

Are emotional support gays a thing now??

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 13:55

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 11/10/2022 13:54

I'm with my gay all the time. It's a rare occasion I leave it at home.

Grin
FirewomanSam · 11/10/2022 13:54

Of course he shouldn’t have been there and his friends shouldn’t have encouraged him to come in, but I think you were being a bit ridiculous to be hurrying your daughter out of there because of his presence. Sounds like they were teenagers just messing around and not bothering to find the men’s loos for him, I’m not sure what need there was to panic and hurry out.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 11/10/2022 13:54

I'm with my gay all the time. It's a rare occasion I leave it at home.

LightHousePanda · 11/10/2022 13:54

Your title is misleading as boys definitely should be allowed but to a certain age where they can't go alone.

I can't imagine anyone on MN is going to disagree that a teenage boy shouldn't go in the women's.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 13:53

YouSetTheTone · 11/10/2022 13:49

If a gay teen (male) isn't allowed in the women's loos then why are teenaged boys/ men who 'identify as women'? We're all seemingly pretty clear on the fact that men are still men regardless of their sexuality so this should be extended to their identity.

Furthermore - if gay men aren't allowed to use the women's even if they feel safer in the women's loos, why do men who identify as women get an extra special pass? Isn't this both sexist and homophobic?

If the men's bathrooms are a source of danger for gay men and men who 'identify as women' then shouldn't there be a huge 'BEEEE KIND' campaign delivered at men? Why are women expected to no longer have single sex spaces instead?

Adults and teenagers with penises shouldn't be in the women's. That's it.

HailAdrian · 11/10/2022 13:50

PuttingDownRoots · 11/10/2022 13:42

There are some places where a preteen boy is better off in the ladies accompanied by his mother/carer. Other places where as young as 8 its safe for them to use mens

Teenager with his friends at the shopping centre isn't one of them.

I agree with this though.

YouSetTheTone · 11/10/2022 13:49

If a gay teen (male) isn't allowed in the women's loos then why are teenaged boys/ men who 'identify as women'? We're all seemingly pretty clear on the fact that men are still men regardless of their sexuality so this should be extended to their identity.

Furthermore - if gay men aren't allowed to use the women's even if they feel safer in the women's loos, why do men who identify as women get an extra special pass? Isn't this both sexist and homophobic?

If the men's bathrooms are a source of danger for gay men and men who 'identify as women' then shouldn't there be a huge 'BEEEE KIND' campaign delivered at men? Why are women expected to no longer have single sex spaces instead?

HailAdrian · 11/10/2022 13:49

My son is 9 and disabled, if they haven't bothered to provide an accessible toilet then he comes with me because I'm not using the men's.

cosmiccosmos · 11/10/2022 13:44

Who lives in Scotland? Because if all goes to plan from next week any male will be able to use the womens toilets/changing rooms etc because they are planning on voting in self id.

Children are being taught in school that you can be any gender you want and it's gender that matters. They are told they can use the toilet they feel most comfortable using.

Who is going to stop this?

PuttingDownRoots · 11/10/2022 13:42

There are some places where a preteen boy is better off in the ladies accompanied by his mother/carer. Other places where as young as 8 its safe for them to use mens

Teenager with his friends at the shopping centre isn't one of them.

ReeseWitherfork · 11/10/2022 13:42

I think you’ll find those aged 16-18 are entitled to do whatever the hell they want whenever they want. They’ll tik tok you if you don’t let them.

Live4weekend · 11/10/2022 13:42

PoundShopPrincess · 11/10/2022 13:32

Depends on the school. Our school is very clear on the difference between sex and gender. The toilets are male and female. Any boy trying to get into the girl's toilet would get into trouble.

That's good to know as it's actually a bit scary having a girl going to high school soon. 2 of the 3 schools had gender neutral toilets and DD was not at all keen.

But boundaries are getting eroded so I think this type of thing will happen more and more.

ofwarren · 11/10/2022 13:40

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Also reported for homophobia

Sexnotgender · 11/10/2022 13:38

YANBU. The women’s toilets are for women, not a bloody free for all.

TwoWrightFeet · 11/10/2022 13:37

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Disgustingly homophobic.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 13:35

Me too @CrossStichQueen

CrossStichQueen · 11/10/2022 13:33

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withdrawn for repeating a deleted post.

Angelinflipflops · 11/10/2022 13:33

Definitelymabel, who said anything about 10 year old boys attacking women? That's not why women don't want 10 year old boys in female loos. I wouldn't stop my son going into a men's toilet in the very unlikely event that he'll be attacked. What a fearful way to live

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 13:32

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Wow...

PoundShopPrincess · 11/10/2022 13:32

Live4weekend · 11/10/2022 13:05

Is it clear to the kids here though?

There is a very high chance that this is not the message they are getting from school and their peers, online chat forums.

They are getting told that there are no reasons for males not to use the female toilets.

You would have hoped the parents would have had a not of sense about them, so he did know what was appropriate or not.

But this absolutely is not the message kids are getting from school.

Depends on the school. Our school is very clear on the difference between sex and gender. The toilets are male and female. Any boy trying to get into the girl's toilet would get into trouble.

Username75 · 11/10/2022 13:31

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