To think boys shouldn't be in women's toilets

Exactly. People with penises past puberty (PPPPs) must PP in the men's toilet or a unisex one. Perhaps we need to change the sign to avoid their confusion and clear things up for them. How about this? 🤣

if he was genuinely concerned about using the blokes loos as he was not very confident without his friends then it wouldn’t bother me at all

Really?? Not confident enough to have a wee in the appropriate sexed toilet at the age of around 16-18!

That's a stretch.

If someone that age is scared to used the appropriate toilet, then they really shouldn't be out in public without their parents.

Title should read men shouldn't be in womens toilets.

Well, it can be a bit of a trope. 'Gay pet syndrome'. Girls (and sometimes women) will welcome a gay boy or man into their friendship group because he will be seen as safe and unthreatening (and largely unsexual) compared to straight boys. Think Stanford in Sex and the City; he was a good example of this trope on TV.

It's not a role that many gay men especially enjoy, to be fair. But it can be easy for a younger, less experienced gay man to get drawn into it because it often feels like the only acceptance that he will experience.

It happens a lot less than it used to because most women get that gay men aren't there to be their fashion accessory. But it is still, occasionally, A Thing.

None of that negates the fact that this particular boy shouldn't have been in the ladies'.

But it sounds like he didn't really want to be, and only went in because of peer pressure. Which isn't an excuse, but it's certainly context.

It doesn't matter if he was gay. If gay teens and men were permitted to use the women's toilets, then what's to stop a predatory man saying he's gay, if challenged? No men in women's loos. No exceptions.

Wouldn't bother me if I'd heard that convo.

Are you alright there kath? Do you need to sit down?!

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This just sounds like some silly teenagers making a poor choice, as they as known to do, rather than some kind of trend? They weren't being threatening, just friends going to the loo together like teenagers do and attempting to pass off the fact they’d dragged their male friend into the ladies loo by telling you he’s gay. It’s probably not even something they’ll do again let alone anyone else.

I clicked on this thinking that it was going to be about a woman bringing her young son into the toilets with her. Definitely very weird and innapropriate for a teenager. Although I did use the mens toilets once as a teenager because there was no queue and I was absolutely bursting. Big queue for the ladies.

But yes responding to pp's I take my 6 year old son into female toilets/changing rooms with me and wouldn't feel safe sending him into the mens unaccompanied. I don't understand how anyone doesn't know this is a thing.

Ideally - all toilets to be rows of cubicles with a sink inside and a lockable door. No communal area at all. Maybe a few that are 'family sized', just like changing rooms so a parent can go in when they are out alone with a small army of children.

Tbh, I still take my DS (9) into the ladies with me. My sister commented on this recently but boys are at risk from predators too. If we are out with DH then he will accompany DS, I feel safer this way but do realise he will be going off independently soon.

In Pizza Express probably not. In some horrid toilets in a park used by drug addicts, possibly.

If you didn't talk to him about it, why would you expect anyone else to?

I expected this thread to be about male children with their mothers (in which case I wouldn't bat an eyelid up to age 10 or so, after they should be using the men's if able to on their own).

Of course a man should not be the women's toilets and sexuality has nothing to do with it (by that logic, should lesbians be using the men's toilets?)

Yes, I agree. We all know he technically shouldn't have been in there, but in this exact situation, a gay teenage boy tagging along with two female friends being a bit daft and encouraging him to join them, I just can't really get worked up. If it had been a lone teenage boy coming in I certainly would have said something.

They probably have unisex toilets at school and don't see it as a huge deal. The dramatics are a bit much.

No, a teenage boy should not be in the women's lavatories.

Based on what you overheard, it sounds like he wanted to find and use the men's toilets but his friends couldn't be bothered to wait for him. So it was a matter of convenience/laziness - similar logic to justifying stealing something I want or need because I'm in a hurry and expect it would take too long to stand in the queue to pay for it.

No male person should be in toilets specifically designated for women, with the possible exception of (1) a cleaner who announces that he's coming in to clean and allows anyone inside time to leave or (2) a child small enough to go into the stall with his mother/carer or to have her wait outside the stall so the child isn't left unattended.

Sexual orientation is irrelevant to use of women's or men's toilets. It sounds like the girls were using similar logic to grown women who insist that they know their own husband/boyfriend/partner and can vouch that he's not dangerous or creepy so it's OK for him to use facilities set aside specifically for women and girls. (See also: "not my Nigel!"/ NMN). It's not OK. But the group you overheard didn't really think it was OK, or they wouldn't have been coming up with excuses to justify it.

Men should not be using women’s toilets. Full stop.

It's an answer to the question asked though. I did go on to agree that this boy/man should not have been in the ladies' toilets. Though, as pp says, maybe they have been conditioned to believe that's perfectly OK.

This is not at all relevant to the topic being discussed. I'm of course sorry that adequate provision isn't always made for you and your son.

Yanbu that is ridiculous and I absolutely would have said something to them

A bloke of 16 - 18 has no business in the Ladies , his sexuality is irrelevant.

If 18 is OK then why not 19? Or a 23 year old who looks younger . And so on absurdly. Just ....No.