To think boys shouldn't be in women's toilets

FidgetWonkham · 11/10/2022 13:55
I have a young son. Id say a boy of 8/9/10 is more vulnerable in the mens toilets on his own than he is a threat to girls or women in the female toilets.

My son probably went in the Mens from about 9 or 10 but I waited outside feeling very uneasy about “

Absolutely agree, I felt exactly the same when our youngest was a young boy. .

The to girls should have asked someone where the mens toilets were. Eventhough he's gay he shouldn't be in the ladies toilets anyways.

At 16 that's too late to be uncomfortable. At that age it's a case of deal with it

I don’t understand why men are simultaneously too dangerous for young boys to be left with unattended yet safe enough to be admitted to women’s loos.

There is a reason why sex segregation exists and that reason is that 98% of assault, sexual crimes and violence are perpetrated by men.

Keep loos single sex.

Now that my son is 11 he goes into the men’s loos. I don’t like it but I believe that women deserve their single sex spaces and I can’t make an exception for my son. My 4 year old son comes with me though. My cut off is 10 for my sons.

I know right. We get it, your 'feminist values' mean you're somehow more vulnerable than a little child. Grow the fuck up.

When our little boys started using the men's bathroom my mum friend would stand in the doorway with the men's bathroom door open so she could hear what was going on inside. I appreciated that a lot actually. I was too embarrassed to do it myself but no man ever said anything to her.

People on this thread need to get a grip talking about eight year olds invading womens spaces

No. But women and girls in mixed-sex toilets (and allowing gay men, teenage boys etc in makes a facility mixed-sex) are attacked, spied on, secretly photographed etc very much more often than in women-only facilities. That is a big problem.

@verazayac sorry tldr but YANBU

When I'm their mother/carer, yes I am

Obvious from these comments that even as women, we are aware that men's toilets can be dodgy.

Most men are not attracted to other men, and of that small % of men who are, only a fraction will behave inappropriately in a public toilet, and a smaller fraction again will represent a danger to vulnerable men and boys.

Yet women are aware of the danger and seek to protect their young sons/adult sons with SN.

But most men are straight. That means that most men who are nuisances, exhibitionists, fetishists and sexual predators are straight also.

Can people who try to foist mixed sex spaces onto us really not see the very sensible reasons for providing single sex spaces for females?

And if they do, they’re not gonna say so on here. 🤷‍♂️

That's a myth. Most toilets in France are sex-segregated like everywhere else.

Give them an inch this time and they'll take a mile next time. Better to maintain clear boundaries.

Accidentally posted

All my DCs went into appropriate sex labelled toilet aged 8 upward. I stood outside if I couldn't accompany them.

Different if you have child with significant SEN

Teenage girls and this 16-18 year old boy/ man were wrong to do this

If they says identifies as a woman that would have been far More complicated an answer
But "he's gay" (someone's sexuality) is irrelevant

A m DCs went int appt sec toilet once they were shed 8 and above.

On MN? Certainly. AIBU is full of obtuse replies on a variety of topics.

Maybe there needs to be a flow chart in the door .
Do you have a penis >yes > are you over the age of 12 > yes > Please use the mens toilet .

Do you have sons? Would you send your 8 or even 10 year old son into the mens toilets alone at say a motorway services? Disabled toilets are often locked and need a RADAR key - I’m going to have to get a key for my autistic 9 year old child fairly soon, but even if he was entirely neurotypical (and thus not entitled to a RADAR key) there is absolutely no way he’d be going into some mens toilets alone - at a small cafe or something then yes, at a football stadium or motorway services or theme park absolutely not.

He’s a child, he’s not commenting on bodies/looking under doors/remotely threatening anyone, nobody is showing any body parts outside of a cubicle and he’s accompanied by a woman. Any adult woman who is actually threatened or offended by having a prepubescent child in the same hand washing space quite frankly needs to get a bloody grip. Clearly the 16-18 year old in the OP was inappropriate, he’s a grown man physically, but 8 is awfully young to start accusing boys of invading female spaces.

"There was a 10 year old in the changing room at dds swimming. He was commenting on his sister’s body (her breasts) which I found creepy and uncomfortable."

10 year old boys shouldn't be in the female changing room. I think primary age is ok in toilets as long as they are with a parent.

Not "all the time" in France; there are unisex (mixed sex) public toilets/lavatories on the Autoroutes and in some low-budget campgrounds and caravan parks - basically places where people who use them (are assumed to) agree that they put up with the inconvenience and danger in order to keep the budget as low as possible. But even that is changing now as consciousness is raised that it's women unfairly paying a disproportionate price for the cheap rates.

There's a big difference between clearly labelled unisex/mixed toilets as they exist in some specific contexts in France and other places versus toilets labelled men's and women's. Of course anyone can use a clearly-labelled unisex/mixed sex toilet. But if the toilet is labelled MEN or WOMEN, it's a different story.

We don't have to wait for someone to "do anything dodgy" to speak out for single sex spaces. Women and girls are not acceptable collateral damage. Do you even know anything about the history of how these spaces came to be and why they were and are essential for women and girls to participate in public life? There's absolutely no reason why facilities can't be mixed sex, if we can get to a situation where men reliably do not and will not take advantage of women and women aren't routinely traumatised by male violence. If you think the UK - or whatever country you live in - is there already, please do post the evidence.

Teens in Being Somewhat Dickish Shocker! 😮😮😮

But he self idenitfied as female and used the pronoun she and her - there is a body of opinion which would say that he had every right to be in the female toilets.

Am not saying this is right but it is the current thinking

Yeah I agree. When I used to work with children I didn’t let the primary aged boys go in the men’s toilet. They went in the women’s with me.

Stop press teens are not always sensible...
They were being idiotic and probably clueless about the wider context, and ideally someone should have pointed that out to them.