27 years old, parents opening my post

Their credit rating is linked to yours, given that you are living in their house.

It is their house that bailiffs would come knocking at.

The fact that you are paying minimum payments only suggests you are not tackling your debt or acknowledging the problem. You’re not going to pay these debts off in this decade, most likely, with just a minimum payment.

I’m not surprised they’re concerned. I would want to know the full picture too.

Your mother has very skewed values if she thinks you should wait to meet someone to move in with!
I would write a letter on her behalf to the council saying that she can’t put you up any more and is evicting you and the children. If you have a willing friend to collaborate, add her phone number in case they call to confirm. It will put you in the top band and hopefully get you in your own housing. You are entitled to be housed.

She can't afford to get out of there as she has debt and poor credit.

Do you work?

Are you contributing the household expenses?

Maybe you need a second job so you can gain independence and provide for your children. And a man is not a plan - never put yourself in a relationship situation where you are dependent on the other person. Imagine if you had moved in and then the relationship ended and you had nothing to fall back on.

You are an adult, you had two kids. You need to put your time and energy into resolving and improving your financial situation.

That is a tough situation. I feel for you but also for your parents. Do they usually erode all of your boundaries or was this a once off because they were they determined to find out ''how bad'' the situation really was. Well, now they know, and it hasn't made them happier I'm guessing.

Can you approach MABs , consolidate debts. I believe they can be helpful. Or go to citizens advice for debt advice.

Gross. They are so intrusive.

You have got to get out of there.

I think it's indicative of how much they care and how they are worried about you.
I think it's fine to acknowledge you've made some poor choices in relation of money management and reassure them it's something you're getting help with.
Advise them you don't want them to open your post but it's helpful to know they're there if you need any extra support with it.

Not okay to be opening your post, but given that you are living in their house due to financial issues, I can see why they are doing it. They want to know the full situation.

While their behaviour is wrong I totally get why they're so frustrated with you and your finances.

They're not only housing their adult daughter, but also two school-age grandchildren. That's not an easy position for them be in, especially if they know that kicking you out would make their grandchildren homeless.

I think you all need to sit down and have a frank and honest conversation. You say you feel like a child but in many respects you're still behaving like a child - living at home with your parents bailing you out and relying on them to keep a roof over your head.

How are you going to pay your bills as well as service your debt if you are allocated a council house?

What is the ‘nuclear option’? OP is not in a position of strength here at all. In fact she seems rather passive. In her last post she blames the lender for ‘irresponsible lending’. This is not taking ownership of the problem.

It doesn’t sound as though the money was for essential items. You can’t run up debts with multiple lenders in someone’s house and expect them to be cool with it. The parents probably don’t trust OP to handle the debts because she’s put her head in the sand for so long and is only getting around now to setting out minimum payments.

If it were were me and it was a few grand, I’d be looking for weekend or Christmas season hospitality to kill the debt off asap, not a direct debit of x min a month over years.

Whilst I agree they shouldn’t be opening your mail, I can understand why they’re concerned. You have debt collection agency letters to you coming to their house. Bailiffs would potentially come and remove assets from their property, because you’re registered as living there.

Have you seen such tv shoes as Can’t pay- well take it away ? Debtors can have a habit of letting things get out of control.

Im not saying you’re irresponsible and they shouldn’t be opening your mail, but I get why.

Can you list out the exact amount of each debt and the interest rate on each? It sounds like that would be a good exercise to confront exactly what you owe and form a proper plan - if it's a few hundred here and there then you should be able to tackle it.

If you post your list on the money board, you'll get some good advice re snowballing your debt etc to help pay down asap

I can't believe how many people are defending your parents. It's illegal. It's a huge invasion of your privacy, and it certainly doesn't help you to build trust with them.

Unfortunately, unless you're prepared to take the nuclear option, there isn't much you can do if they won't respect your wishes.

I personally would not want my address to be linked to debts, CCJs etc. It would worry me a lot.

I’m sorry but you should leave. If private rent is too expensive you should move somewhere cheaper. This is unfair in your mother.

They shouldn't open your post but your debts do affect them as a) it affects your ability to move out or contribute whilst living there and b) your credit rating affects their credit rating whilst you share a home.

It's a tough situation OP but I think realistically you're not gonna change them or convince them.

The best you can do is politely but firmly remind them it's not their place to open your mail, and focus on moving out. The situation is toxic and probably not healthy for your kids. That means working really hard to sort out your financial situation so you can move out - house share with others if need be.

Good luck

Totally different scenario to a house share, I don't understand how you can't see that.

The main difference being that the parents can evict the OP immediately as she's literally a guest in their home. If she had a contract for shared ownership then her landlord would need to serve notice if they wanted her to leave.

Being homeless with two children is not a good situation to be in.

Good luck with prosecution, it'll mean you have to move out I'm sure.

How bad is your debt? If you have no CCJs/ IVAs or Bankruptcies it should come back ok on a credit check for a rental. I don’t think defaults and late payments tend to show up on a basic check.

Secondly, I do feel empathy for them opening your post if you have bad debt and live in their property. In their shoes I wouldn’t want bailiffs at the door etc and I’d want to be prewarned. I still open my ex’s post (he’s the type who won’t change his address) and check his credit file to ensure he’s keeping up with his payments (he is still on the mortgage even though I pay it) as I don’t want to have any nasty surprises at the door. I really wish I didn’t have to do this.

The paot thing is out of order, but I I'm more shocked that your mother said you should stay there until you meet someone! Either she is expecting you to move in with a new guy with your children far too soon, or she's wanting you to stay for years.

Would your mum and step dad be your guarantor to help you secure a tenancy ?

The OP said they're in debt themselves.

It's strange that you've called out another poster for not reading properly when you've done the same yourself.

@Whydidimarryhim the OP days in the second line of her first post that she has two children.

The trouble is your debt is impacting them.You've said yourself you can't privately rent as you don't have a clean credit record so you won't be able to rent. Waiting for social housing will take years

I think you need to be honest with them about how much debt you are in and how that means you can't rent. They need to have their expectations set on how long you will be living with them. It sounds as though your step dad is a bit of an arse as well which is not making this a long term plan. Have you tried to privately rent? Would your mum and step dad be your guarantor to help you secure a tenancy ?