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Original poster

To not understand why double barrel surnames are so wrong/bizarre to some people?

362 replies

CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 12:07

So I recently registered the birth of my first child and gave him a double barelled surname. His name layout is Daniel Eric (My surname) (DHs surname). (None of these are actually my son's name just an example!)

In laws were visiting yesterday and were having a look at his birth certificate and were disappointed to see the surname. We did tell them that my name would be in there but apparently they just assumed it was a middle name 🙄

Cue all the 'concerns' and old fashioned twaddle about "It's just nicer and easier" and "what happens when he marries someone with a double barrel name" blah blah blah.

Am I being silly to have assumed that this crap was dead? Sure people have their own opinions on what they would personally do but to tell other people off about it?

Wanted a rant more than anything tbh but I just find it so bizarre that women wanting to share a surname with the child they carried and birthed is still contentious to some people 🤔

OP posts:
Palmfrond · 28/09/2022 21:23

@AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut

I’m reminded of William Donaldson’s description of Stephen Fry; “ A stupid person’s idea of a clever person”, which is of course an utterly vile thing for ne to repeat but I think apt to your analysis and also quite funny.

Palmfrond · 28/09/2022 21:19

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 28/09/2022 18:25

I'm not. It's a common response that when women stand aside from convention, even in as minor a sense as this, other women can get very testy about it and will immediately try to put them back into their box. In this spirit OP wrote: Absolutely fine if DB names aren't for you in your particular situation. But I was hoping for at least a bit of insight as to why it's such a problem when other people do it.

You've had it, OP, if not in the way those posters intended. Mercifully there are no laws here to say we can't call ourselves and our children what we like, but when a woman makes a different decision to that expected, sometimes other women take it as a personal affront.

I personally couldn't give a shiny shit what other women call themselves and their kids. But I am pig-sick of being informed I have no ownership over my name, nor autonomy over my identity, or that a child should have its father's name, or DC and I 'rechristened' with the imaginary moniker someone else thinks we ought to be called.

As to the 'nobody cares' point, people clearly do. They're invested. And I don't blame them. Then things really do get personal, especially toward the ones who don't bow to convention (cf. the selection of catty, spiteful DB 'creations' above).

Pathetic.

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Tbh I think it’s a minuscule minority of people who even consider a double barrelled name as being representative of some kind of feminism. It’s Lord Snooty people think of.

Palmfrond · 28/09/2022 21:16

@CarsonViolet “Half the responses are "DB names are chavvy and council estate" and the other half are "they're snobby and grandiose".”

Unfortunately they are both.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 28/09/2022 21:16

RIPQueen · 28/09/2022 19:52

You do understand that the Catherine Tate “posh mum” sketch is taking the piss out of her for being pretentious? Which is why she has a double barrelled name.

it’s like the pretentious first name trends.

people are pretending it’s about keeping the woman’s name to make it look noble but in most cases it’s just trying to sound upper-middle class and failing dramatically.

i understand a bit more if a Rothschild wants to double barrel with a Hilton. But Smith Jones?

come on

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Absolutely this! Nouveau DB surnames are so
pretentious. They were always the preserve of the uppers. The amalgamation of two gentrified family names it had absolutely nothing to do with feminism, so. the posters who have claimed the double barrelling of surnames was a progressive move for women, you’re talking utter bollocks!

And it’s always a certain demographic that choose to DB their surnames nowadays 🤷🏻‍♀️ try hard couples….and usually WC desperately aspiring to be MC.

Nothing wrong with being WC, but folk trying to portray themselves as something they clearly aren’t makes me feel embarrassed for them.

Darbs76 · 28/09/2022 19:59

I have no problem with it from a feminism side, women might not want to give up their surname, and they shouldn’t have to. I do think I’d just keep my name though and wouldn’t double barrel as I don’t like double barrelled names and I’m sure it’s a pain for the owner of the double barrelled name too. I have 3 DC, eldest I had when young and he has my surname, younger 2 have their dad’s surname, which is an Asian surname so doesn’t link to me in anyway. Has it ever bothered me? Not at all. I don’t feel any closer to the child with my surname and I didn’t feel cheated that I’d given birth to them and been pregnant for 9 months for them to have dad’s name. Made zero difference. People will always have opinions on double barrelled names so you best get ready for a lifetime of commenting about it

CaptainBarbosa · 28/09/2022 19:54

CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:44

I obviously don't speak for everyone who DBs their name but I don't think there's ever really much concern over how DC deal with it as adults. If my son , for example, chose to drop my name later that would be his choice that I would wholeheartedly respect. It's more just the principle of bit wanting the default to be dad's name in every situation.

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Well historically it was done to demonstrate lineage and belonging to a family.

So I'm Celtic and Welsh, so many of our surnames when translated are sort of

Son of Gruffydd
Son of Llewellyn

That's where you get the "app" Gruffydd"

In Nordic countries you get "son of" or "daughter of" so think Thorisdottir" or "Eriksen"

Thor's daughter
Erik's son.

It was more about belonging and tribal than "being owned by a man"

RIPQueen · 28/09/2022 19:52

JustAWeirdoWithNoName · 28/09/2022 13:55

I think it's hilarious that a lot of pearl clutchers don't like it because they think it's "common" (I suppose because of the association with unmarried parents).

Most people I know with double barrelled surnames are extremely posh (with titles and lands). E.g. Catherine Tate posh mum sports day sketch

You do understand that the Catherine Tate “posh mum” sketch is taking the piss out of her for being pretentious? Which is why she has a double barrelled name.

it’s like the pretentious first name trends.

people are pretending it’s about keeping the woman’s name to make it look noble but in most cases it’s just trying to sound upper-middle class and failing dramatically.

i understand a bit more if a Rothschild wants to double barrel with a Hilton. But Smith Jones?

come on

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:50

So I've requested this thread just be removed or even paused as a result of some trolling I've recieved that has resulted in a number of other users comments being removed and even someone private messaging me with some nasty things....just thought I'd give a heads up before it gets taken down (I'd not does, not entirely sure)

But thanks to everyone who offered some good insights into the subject and thanks for the supportive comments! 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:44

CaptainBarbosa · 28/09/2022 19:35

The only issue you will have of it bothers you is loss of a "family name" when children are born because you are effectively making a "new" surname.

But if you aren't concerned over passing on family names it's no bother.

But you could end up with grandchildren on the male line with different surnames to their grandfather, but again if that's not something you care about then yeah no drama.

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I obviously don't speak for everyone who DBs their name but I don't think there's ever really much concern over how DC deal with it as adults. If my son , for example, chose to drop my name later that would be his choice that I would wholeheartedly respect. It's more just the principle of bit wanting the default to be dad's name in every situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:38

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:29

What PM? What on Earth are you talking about? You’re making a fool of yourself now.

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Terribly sorry to inform you that you haven't been the most successful troll on this thread tonight. PM's and justifying insults are a bit on the nose even for the worst of trolls....

(Unsurprisingly, notice how its your comments getting deleted and not mine)

OP posts:
CaptainBarbosa · 28/09/2022 19:35

CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:30

This is how it's gone among many people I've spoken with on the subject. I think it's a perfectly respectable solution should this issue ever arise!

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The only issue you will have of it bothers you is loss of a "family name" when children are born because you are effectively making a "new" surname.

But if you aren't concerned over passing on family names it's no bother.

But you could end up with grandchildren on the male line with different surnames to their grandfather, but again if that's not something you care about then yeah no drama.

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:30

CaptainBarbosa · 28/09/2022 19:28

In my very limited experience of a DB marrying a DB

(I used to be a wedding planner and out of the hundreds of weddings I've done only one wedding was 2 brides marrying eachother with DB names)

They just chose the two names they liked best out of their DB names and joined them.

So
Miss John-Graham
And
Miss Lewis-Smith

Became

Mrs and Mrs John-Smith

This is how it's gone among many people I've spoken with on the subject. I think it's a perfectly respectable solution should this issue ever arise!

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:29

CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:28

Thin skinned? 😂You got offended by someone acknowledging their wealth. Apologies for the difficulties you're going through but you realise I am not personally responsible for you being poor, yes?

(Oh and I won't respond to your pm's. Why are you scared? Why can't you say what you want to say publicly?)

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What PM? What on Earth are you talking about? You’re making a fool of yourself now.

CaptainBarbosa · 28/09/2022 19:28

In my very limited experience of a DB marrying a DB

(I used to be a wedding planner and out of the hundreds of weddings I've done only one wedding was 2 brides marrying eachother with DB names)

They just chose the two names they liked best out of their DB names and joined them.

So
Miss John-Graham
And
Miss Lewis-Smith

Became

Mrs and Mrs John-Smith

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:28

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:24

😂

Thin skin or what! I rest my case.

Thin skinned? 😂You got offended by someone acknowledging their wealth. Apologies for the difficulties you're going through but you realise I am not personally responsible for you being poor, yes?

(Oh and I won't respond to your pm's. Why are you scared? Why can't you say what you want to say publicly?)

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:24

😂

Thin skin or what! I rest my case.

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:23

The poster who referred to my newborn as a twat for having a DB name was what touched a nerve actually but what a lovely thing for you to condone. You should be proud.

The post you're referring to is one where someone completely unprovoked accused me of being an 'aspirational wannabe and that's the only reason you're giving your baby this pretentious name'. I simply replied that this is a load of shit given that I'm fairly wealthy so that is not the case. THIS is what clearly set you off.

You're fine with snide insults and bullying but someone acknowledging their wealth in the face of it is a problem? So which is it? Do you just hate anyone who perceive to be higher class or do you have an inferiority complex?

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:13

Why should they step away? You started a thread so people with opinions could reply. You’re trying to be all cool and detached about it but the ‘class’ element clearly touched a nerve. If you don’t want honest opinions don’t start a thread asking for them.

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:12

Like I mentioned before there are dozens of nations where this is commonplace and it always works itself out. If anything it's nice that people can have choices...

I mean who here has actually met someone with over 10 surnames?...It doesn't work out like that...ever 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 19:09

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:00

I think ‘one’ needs to step away from the thread and calm down a little. You’re turning into one of those OPs who clearly can’t handle the heat in the kitchen.

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Where have I not been calm? Unlike others on this thread I have not resorted to calling newborns twats nor have I made absurd and ridiculous assumptions about anyone's status based on their naming choices.

Frankly, I think it best that the people who are so invested in the surname of a baby they will never meet perhaps should step away for a bit. If other people's descions cause this much seething anger then perhaps a bit of therapy and a social media break would do the world of good.

OP posts:
Calandor · 28/09/2022 19:06

If he marries someone double barrelled they'll do what the Spanish do and choose a name each. Or they'll pick one or the other. Doesn't matter.

They just want their name stamped on the child

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 19:00

CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 18:57

I think one can assume that the private education will come a bit later. And thank you for pointing out what a horrible meanie I was to respond this way to someone who came here to sneer at me unprovoked.

You're completely correct that everyone should accept insults and never stand up for themselves. Do you miss your backbone?

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I think ‘one’ needs to step away from the thread and calm down a little. You’re turning into one of those OPs who clearly can’t handle the heat in the kitchen.

Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 18:57

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 18:53

How can he enjoy a private education when he’s 4 weeks old?

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I think one can assume that the private education will come a bit later. And thank you for pointing out what a horrible meanie I was to respond this way to someone who came here to sneer at me unprovoked.

You're completely correct that everyone should accept insults and never stand up for themselves. Do you miss your backbone?

OP posts:
Original poster
CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 18:54

Flangelasashes · 28/09/2022 18:44

I never mentioned your 4 week old! 😂

Flangelasashes Cantafford Thebillsthismonth
Flangelasashes Ontothe Lasttinofbeans
Flangelasashes Hadtosellthebaby Topayformefags

There you go. Putting people down who have no money or who cannot afford to put food on the table while you bleat on about how well off you are.

The post you reported where I called you a wannabe posh bird was deleted.

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3 of your comments have been deleted. And I haven't reported anything so clearly others are just as repelled by your idiocy.

Ah yes the comment that I literally referred to before and only commented as a direct parody of what you said to me (which has now been deleted - I wonder why?)

You claimed I was mouthing off about being better and grandiose? Where? 😂

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 28/09/2022 18:53

CarsonViolet · 28/09/2022 16:37

Fair enough. I'm sure my DS will cry hard about this as he lives in a large, beautiful home with two parents with high salary careers and enjoys a private education.

Shame that his council estate DB name will blind him to such privileges. 😂

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How can he enjoy a private education when he’s 4 weeks old?

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