To not understand why double barrel surnames are so wrong/bizarre to some people?

Obviously a family taking just one surname is a much cleaner system. However it means one party has to lose their surname, which women are increasingly less accepting of.

Traditionally it has always been the woman who has to compromise. Why can’t we live in a world where just as many men are willing to lose their surname?

I double barrelled as I didn’t want to lose my name and DH was not willing to lose his, so the compromise was for us both to DB. Luckily our surnames sound really natural together or it might not have been the ultimate outcome.

However, until men are just as willing as women to take their spouse’s names, DBing is necessary in order for women to have equality in marriage.

I’m not saying a teacher would be incapable or understand a DB name … just that it probably doesn’t fit properly on the blooming application form in the first place!

also in OP’s original post she didn’t include a hyphen!

so does it or doesn’t it include a hyphen? Or is it two surnames to be used together?

its answers to these questions, specific to the individual that I meant would need explanation. (Not the parental reasoning behind the structure, just their chosen spelling - kinda useful to know how to spell a child’s name, when you’re teaching them how to spell it! 🙄)

VERY CLEARLY (from this thread) a DB name means breaking from convention and thus the detail will need to be clarified. (Forever).

No is the short answer.

He was a coal merchant and when he moved to London there was another coal merchant in the area with the same name (common first and surname) so he double barrelled to create a more interesting name. He picked his mother's maiden name rather than his wife's. Not sure why.

No inheritance, no pedigree, no country estate. Victorian middle class.

Isn't it!

@Orangello “I know! Poor little Smith-Jones, struggling with his stupid name, see how easy life is for a properly single named Featherstonehaugh”

My surname is not far off Featherstonehaugh and, while it’s a beautiful name and I’ve never had a problem spelling it myself, I do need to spell it to other people every single fucking time. And I very often get asked about it, which is a bore, and between the two things I’ve thought very hard about changing it to Smith or Jones, but it’s very much linked to my profile as a professional now, so I feel it’s a bit late. So yes, while I don’t have a double barrelled name I do have experience of having a sometimes burdensome surname.

@Twizbe “I mean that crazy Victorian who took his mother's maiden name and added it to his fathers to create the double barrel“

Did the crazy Victorian take his mother’s name and hyphenate it? Or was his father obliged to double barrel his name for inheritance purposes because he married an heiress, ie married above his station. Because the latter double barrelled names normally originated. Inheritance & an obsession with pedigree. And that’s why double barrelled names have long been considered slightly ridiculous even among the upper class.

@Purple52 my husband seems to have coped ok with his double barrelled surname, as did his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great grandfather before him.

I mean that crazy Victorian who took his mother's maiden name and added it to his fathers to create the double barrel.

what a way to ruin someone’s character and personality at birth without giving them opportunity to shine for who they are. They’ll always be the person with the name they have to spell and explain!

You'll ruin your child's entire personality and character by giving them a double-barreled surname?

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving 😂😂😂

Just rude! Why do they think
its up for debate? I’ve got a double barrelled name and my kids have it too. My birth name is very unusual and my married name is really nice but normal. I love my name so there 😂

Really sorry if this has been answered already but I really don't have time to read everything - but it's something I've wondered about before......

When 2 people with different double-barrelled surnames have children, what surnames would they give the children?

(I only used my DH's surname after we got married because I really didn't like mine - lots of teasing when I was growing up. I think my daughter will probably just keep her surname when she gets married rather than double-up, but not sure what they'll do if they have children)

"It’s the child’s early years teacher I feel sorry for first!

doubtless going to be given a full explanation of how and why this is DC’s full name & how it must be written."

I'm sorry but a teacher who doesn't understand the concept of DB names is not someone who should be teaching. Bit too thick to possibly be in charge of educating children methinks...

And what explanation? Why would anyone have to explain their name choice to anybody?

Yes. It's not exactly the biggest challenge facing kids today.

I get the feeling that a lot of these "think of the.children" posts are coming from people with very little faith in their child's abilities which is saddening.

I’ve thought about what I’m saying and it’s pretentious. It’s also annoying and sounds ridiculous. I feel sorry for kids having to deal with it. They’ve become so common these days that you actually see people rolling their eyes when they hear one!

This post is nonsensical.

m also guessing it’s a long name & most boys hate writing, so he’ll resent it (when jack jones has mastered his nine letters your DC will only be half way through).THEN the poor DC is going to be repeating that for the rest of their lives, until they get chance to change it!

I know! Poor little Smith-Jones, struggling with his stupid name, see how easy life is for a properly single named Featherstonehaugh.

It’s the child’s early years teacher I feel sorry for first!

doubtless going to be given a full explanation of how and why this is DC’s full name & how it must be written.

im also guessing it’s a long name & most boys hate writing, so he’ll resent it (when jack jones has mastered his nine letters your DC will only be half way through)

THEN the poor DC is going to be repeating that for the rest of their lives, until they get chance to change it!

what a way to ruin someone’s character and personality at birth without giving them opportunity to shine for who they are. They’ll always be the person with the name they have to spell and explain!

sometimes feminism goes beyond feminism and becomes a step to far and looses the point in the process.
teach your child to understand and respect women’s rights by making them normal and not extraordinary. By highlighting something separately you are saying it once was acceptable that women were inferior (applies also to race, religion, sexual orientation etc) and can be again.

your real actions in parenting can be so much more (than a name) to bringing a strong well rounded and accepting person into the world for yours, theirs and the worlds benefit.

but he’ll be the kid explaining his name.

I can see him making a stand (or being arrested) at a protest and the while newspaper article would be an explanation of his name rather than the point trying to be made!!

Me neither....except for the time when I ordered some wallpaper in John Lewis and told the sales person my (double barrelled) name. She looked blankly at me so I said it again, slowly, this time saying "it's Mrs Liberty hyphen Lily" (obviously using my real name!). When my parcel arrived it was addressed to exactly that - she'd written the word 'hyphen' instead of putting a dash between the two parts of my name, lol!

DH and I double barrelled ours on getting married. His surname is awful and i didn't want to be called that. Mine is fairly long but together our two names sound interesting. He was happy to take my name too. When we had DS he obviously was given the double barrelled name but now he's an adult he often calls himself by my original surname, mainly because his first name is long and it can be a pain in the arse explaining/writing the whole thing....

I have two children from my first relationship that are DB. My choice was not based on class, just that I wanted to share a name with my kids. As they have got older they have both chosen which name they prefer and opted to change it themselves. I have gone on to another relationship where we are married and have a daughter together. She is also DB. I kept my name and he kept his. She is a child of both of us so has both of our names. My decision to keep my name was based on feminism. I don't understand the outdated view that implies patriarchal property. But also because I like my name. It's a beautiful name. It's my Fathers name but he raised me (mum left when I was 5). I have his name because I want it. I keep it because I love it. I passed it to my children because they are half my family. Dh is fine with it, in laws hate it and won't use my name with her. I had NO idea that DB names had any negative associations either way until I came to Mumsnet. I will be honest, DB can be a pain when filling in forms or asking at the rdoctors who are looking up two initials, but not a massive deal. My 2 older girls have decided which name to use and one has legally changed, the other will when she can. My youngest will decide in time. I have read this whole thread in shock. I genuinely thought DB was generally okay and not judged in either way

I genuinely don’t understand women changing their name on marriage. There’s no other life event which means you change your name. (Don’t come at me with PhDs - that’s a title change). A number of my friends were all ‘we want the same name’, then ended up divorced, so they are now in a situation where they want to go back to their own name, but their kids have the husband’s name. A massive mess.

i wasn’t able to have kids, but if I had, they would be double barrelled. I wouldn’t change my name, and, as we have a very unusual surname, I would have liked it to continue. My sister kept her own name, and their kids are double barrelled too.

I like the Norwegian/Icelandic approach, with the - Dottir & -son names. I’d be quite happy with that as an approach.

I've never had an issue with having a double barrelled surname.

Tell the in-laws that I'd they don't think a double barrelled surname is right, then you'd be happy to change it to just your surname.

That should shut them up!

It was a big decision for me to take my husband's surname but has been simpler. My daughters have both taken their husband's surname as have their children which I am quite pleased about but had they not I would certainly not have said anything. It is just easier but everyone of course can do what they like. I do a lot of family tree work and research and I quite like that we maintain the tradition. Mmy surname isn't my mother's anyway - it's my father's so not necessarily anything more special than my married surname. My uncle and brother and great uncle all had the original surname of one of my great grandfather's as a middle or first name so someone was clearly keen to keep that surname going strong I suppose as a middle name back in those days.

I have a doubled barrelled name because I am absolutely not comfortable giving up my name. Of course my name came from my father but here is where that stops. It is my name now. I don't really understand what the alternative is. Either take your husband's name or your father's. To me, the one I was born with is the one to go forward with. Where else do I get a name from?

Well said.

Names are important and are a part of our identity. If they weren't important, men would happily give up theirs.

I have a doubled barrelled name because I am absolutely not comfortable giving up my name. Of course my name came from my father but here is where that stops. It is my name now. I don't really understand what the alternative is. Either take your husband's name or your father's. To me, the one I was born with is the one to go forward with. Where else do I get a name from?
I didn't think of it at the time but I would have liked to have a brand new name when we got married. My husband had an abusive father and so hated his name. But, in a move I don't really understand, his mother wanted to keep her husband's name when she left him. Maybe it is because they are quite posh but she was fairly insistent that I have her abusive husband's name. It has taken ten years for her to address things to me at my name. For the first few years I literally had no first name either. I was Mrs (Husband's name) (husband's second name). I could bear it.