To not understand why double barrel surnames are so wrong/bizarre to some people?

Was he the first person to have his surname, or do you think it wasn't yours because he had it first but apply a different rule to him?

The whole "oh, it's only your dad's name anyway" thing really grinds my gears. It implies that only men's surnames are permanent and belong to them. My "maiden name" was MY name from the moment that register was signed by my parents. Mine. Mine to keep or change however I want.

My so-called 'maiden' name was not mine but my father's. You don't get away from the Patriarchy that easily.

But how is it better to swap your dad's name for your FILs then?

Not your mum's, even though (I assume) she'd made the conscious choice to change her name

We're being told on this thread that the tradition is for children to take the mother's name (it's just that women traditionally changed their names on marriage) and that our names are our father's, never our own.

Why is it his name, out of interest? Why does he get to own a name, but you don't?

I've made an active choice to keep the last name my parents chose for me, not to change it to something different (I did consider it in my 20s) and not to change it on marriage.

I'm claiming it as 100% mine; I've actively chosen it.

I have a double-barrelled surname which I kept on getting married, my husband has 2 surnames as that’s the norm for his country of origin. We gave the kids a new double barrelled surname with one each of both of our names but chose the ones that worked best together, so I am a Smith-Brown, DH is a Jones Green and the kids are both Smith Green. (Not our real names). It hasn’t caused any issues so far. The kids can decide what they want to do if and when they get married/have children.

My so-called 'maiden' name was not mine but my father's. You don't get away from the Patriarchy that easily.

I double barrelled when I got married. I don't really care what anyone thinks! My decision. My reasons. My life. I love my original surname and it means a lot to me. He loves his original surname and it means a lot to him. We decided to give each other the "present" of taking each other's name and adding to our own.

I'm pretty sure that people can work it out if they need to do so.

I’m sorry but that’s nonsense.

Double barrelling was a huge step forward for feminism, where previously the surname would automatically default to the man/ father

It's been been tradition in the UK for a baby to take its mother's name. The only reason babies appeared to have their fathers name is because the women changed their names upon marriage to their husbands.

Wow! I didn’t realise it was only lower class people not getting married 😂 ?! In my experience it’s more the North London middle class set that don’t get married before having children. That Rees-Mogg is certainly a bit of a chav though…

My cold take is that it looks pretentious and clunky/burdensome. The origins of double barrelled names are very class and social climbery.

My MIL made a big deal of asking my parents what they thought (they didn't give a toss), and she made a point at my wedding if calling me 'Mrs my husbands surname'

Silly.

Why do you see it as a hassle?

I double barrelled mine when I got married. When my dd was born we gave her my maiden surname as her second middle name and my dh name as her surname. I liked the idea of her being able to carry on the name. For ease though I do just use my husbands surname professionally as it's easier to spell! (I have a tricky first name).

Exactly the same here. I got married in the later 1990s and my husband had no expectation that I would take his surname. Decades on and people still seem to struggle with the concept.

I have every confidence that I have brought up my Dc (with their hyphenated surnames) to be able to make the right decision for them and any future partner, and free of any fear that either I or their Dad will guilt trip them or otherwise rant about their name choices.

We need to do away with pressure around names. Patriarchal pressure from men and their families, pressure from people who think you should do it just like them, etc etc.

OP: Tell your ILs that you have considered their points about how easier etc it is just to have one name so you are giving them your surname only.

Well OP you did ask if people still had massive hang ups about this... the batshittery on the thread has given a good indication?

Yup...

but he wasn't keen.

It seems to be the case for many who protest how common and complicated and naff it is. I've also had plenty of IRL comments that the mother wanted their name or at least both, but DH refused so of course he got what he wanted..

are you seriously suggesting that in the UK in 2022 choosing to have a child and not get married makes you a lower class?

Whst notions of class are you even alluding to now?

I'm highly educated and working in a professional sector. I'm unmarried by choice because it meant better finacial protection for me. Why should that make any impact on class?

My child has a DB surname to reflect two equal parents. They can choose to do whatever they want with their name once an adult in the exact same way that every other adult has the right to do.

seriously what total bullshit is being spouted on this thread.

I started out with a double-barrelled surname, ended up with a partner the same, DD has both of our names, it works!

My personal opinion is that double barreled is a hassle especially for a child, and I'd never do it myself - but I'd never share that opinion with a friend/family who had chosen double barreled, everyone is entitled to their own decision.
My husband and I both kept our names (neither of us can be bothered with the admin) - will cross the bridge re. child surname if it happens!

Well OP you did ask if people still had massive hang ups about this... the batshittery on the thread has given a good indication?

But as you're asking on a forum, I think double-barrelling is pretty daft. The question of what happens next generation of names is valid. 2 parents with double barrelled names will each have to ditch one name and risk offending one parent each. You can't say it matters to you having the same surname as your dc and pretend you wouldn't bat an eyelid if they ditch it when they marry.

Not round these parts. We've always made it really clear to my kids (double barrelled, married parents so sorry to those desperately slotting folk into boxes) that when they're grown up they can do whatever they like with their names, because those names are theirs - not mine or their dad's, any more than my name is still 'my dad's name' after 45 years.

We've also been really open with them that when/if they get married or have kids or start a career as a rock trombonist they might want to change their name or only use part of their current name and that's totally up to them, it won't hurt our feelings.

We're functional adults who see our kids as separate people, you see. As a parent, you get to choose your child's name when they're born. That's a cool thing to get to do. What they do as adults is entirely up to them, and choices are complex beasties. A decent parent doesn't make those kinds of choices harder for their kids.

Well it used to signify an upper class family. Now it tends to mean unmarried parents, so signifies the opposite of what it originally did.