Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

Most families cannot manage without grandparent help. It's as simple as that really.

That is horrific. I'd be sorely tempted to ensure that it is made very clear in her will that she has used that child's share of the inheritance in lieu of beeing paid for childcare and loss of income from part-time job and to donate to the charity she can no longer volunteer at and to compensate for not doing the hobby.

I worked for the police in the 70s and 80s. Pay improved in the 80s but I knew so many police constables with children in the 70s who were on supplementary benefits, free milk, free school meals. Childcare was in short supply as well, few nursery places in the 70s than in the 40s when the govt wanted women to do the work of men away in the forces. Of course it is hard to get a job working round your partners hours if he is on a shift pattern.

Unions fought to improve pay but the police came a bit late as they couldn't have a union and can't strike.

My first husband worked in the food industry, we often relied on free samples or stuff going out of date to help balance the budget and lived in fear of the electricity bill.

Agree, and also this ‘it takes a village’ attitude - not dissimilar to ‘I can’t believe people in the UK put their parents in care homes’ attitude - only ever applies to women doing the slog, the arse wiping, the looking after others. A romanticised view with thinly veiled misogyny lying beneath

My parents didn't live on the same continent as me when mine were young. Most of my friends had no relatives within 500 miles ... grandparents providing childcare isn't a world I recognise. My dd has already sounded me out and been told a resounding no, when I give up work it will be for fun not childcare

This!!! My mum always worked. She never had the luxury of skipping about for 18 years, and her and my SD both had good jobs

She does have a choice but it involves being blackmailed by her hideous family or losing contact with the children.

I think expectations depend to a degree on your own childhood experiences. I was never looked after by my extended family and nor was my DH (all dead/unwell/in different countries etc) so it didn't really occur to us that our parents would look after our children except possibly in an emergency. I'm not really expecting to provide childcare for my grandchildren either - for a start I don't anticipate my children living close enough for that to be feasible on a regular basis.
But in the village where we now live there are plenty of multi generational families where it is very much the norm for the extended family to be the main source of childcare and seems to be expected by all concerned. I admit to sometimes being jealous of how easy this seemingly makes friends' lives. They've never experienced the stress of getting the "Doc Junior isn't well, please come and pick up asap" call from school half way through a clinic when DH is abroad on business, or even the juggling of multiple after school commitments for different children in different places at the same time, as they have a large pool of helpers. But on the other hand I never had the angst that occurs when grandma or great grandma won't abide by my wishes re my children which seems to be common when family do childcare, so I guess it's swings and roundabouts.
I don't see anything inherently wrong with either arrangement really. Tension seems to arise if the grandparents and parents have different expectations though, and with people working to an older age now, I think a lot of new parents are going to have to revise their ideas about exactly how much they can rely on their extended families.

Very few people these days look after their parents. That used to be common.

Two posts in to find the bollocks! I know there are families who are genuinely finding things hard but equally there are those who don't know how to live within their income.

Of course grandparents shouldn't be expected to look after grandchildren, but then they themselves shouldn't be entitled enough to expect their children to.look after them when they are elderly either. What goes around comes around

I am from a developing country where large joint families are common, with everyone living under one roof or close to one another, and all chipping in to provide childcare. I think this way of life-it takes a village etc etc- is highly romanticised on MN. I moved to the UK to get away from that, and I am glad I did. My SIL has literally enslaved my MIL back home to provide childcare, but my MIL feels unable to say no because a woman is expected to go on caring until she is dead....

ODFOD.

I generally hate the term 'entitled' to describe millennials and below, but bloody hell there's a few living up to the term here.

I agree. I think I must have lived in an alternate reality in the 70's/80's because it sure as hell wasn't the Utopia some of the younger generation would have us believe.

I don't think @tfresh is wrong. The idea of NOT having someone at home to care for children is very very new, whether it be grandparents or a SAHM or a combination. Being a SAHM is financially impossible for most of us, BECAUSE of the economy, lending strategies and voting choices our parents have handed to us. We didn't create this ourselves on purpose.

We didn't spontaneously choose an economy where a 2 bedroom "starter home" in the SE is 20 times the average person's salary on top of £1200 a month for full time nursery per child.

Very few of us earn enough to comfortably pay for full time childcare and a mortgage. My mother stayed at home AND my father's family was nearby for babysitting and overnight stays, and their first home cost the equivalent of 2 year's salary for my Dad.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect our parents to provide the same support they freely enjoyed when many of us were babies.

The idea of NOT providing this support is quite alien in many countries.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking but you have to be prepared to be told no.
If I'd have asked for childcare long term my dp would have said no I'm certain and why should they look after dc? They're retired for a reason.

I didn't ask to be born is the argument of a petulant teenager, not an adult.

I just think its sad when grandparents dont want to help out. They and the children really miss out. My mum never worked and i still grew up with a very close bond with my grandparents. They are everything to me. Over 90 years old now and i still go to see them 3-5 times a week! I have 10+ cousins and all the ones living close by see them as regularly as me.
My parents watch my children often now and also my nieces and nephews. Its the best thing to watch their bond grow strong. Its such a wonderful relationship.
Of course they shouldnt be made to offer childcare, but i would be incredibly sad if my parents didnt want this relationship with my kids.

The entitlement writ large.

agree 100% - we are brilliant in this country at fighting amongst ourselves when we should be asking why is the situation so crap for parents and what is gov doing about it

Your argument doesn’t work - because those grandparents didn’t ask to be born either! No one asks to be born so surely we don’t owe anybody

I have two kids. My sister has two, one with special needs. My brother has SEVEN, one with special needs, and another one the way.

My father is physically disabled due to a side effect from chemo and my mother is beginning to suffer severe memory loss issues.

The idea that these two people who put in their time and raised their own children could ever be expected or obligated to somehow provide childcare for twelve grandchildren just baffles me. They did their part. They raised the kids they chose to have. We're raising the kids we choose to have now that we're adults.

My parents are late 40s/50s. My mum only did her degree once I went to university and started her new career in early 40s. I can’t imagine everyone’s parents are retired with nothing to do all day!

@notalwaysalondoner DF was probably keen as he does not do the actual hard work.