Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

Boomers are in their seventies and eighties, they were children in the fifties and sixties, not the seventies.

I have twice at work had different colleagues have to take emergency leave after their childcare fell through when a grandparent had a medical emergency. In one case a stroke, in another case a fall. Both times I have wondered if that parent really was well enough to take on that level of childcare. And on both occasions the parent needed some level of ongoing care from then on. So they went from caring for grandchildren to needing care themselves, no time for a proper retirement of just enjoying themselves.

Where do I say you were all living the life of riley? I said very clearly that several studies showed that in general things were better for the boomer generation than for their children. That I understood these trends wouldn’t be the case for plenty of individuals in either generation, and that it didn’t mean everything was great for boomers, or that nothing had improved for millennials.

You asked me to share links to the studies and I did. These studies factor in the economies situation in the 70s and still conclude that in general boomers kids are having it slightly worse.

I don’t need to address your points about the 70’s, the studies do that.

You’re taking what are objective facts calculated by economists and scientists very personally.

My parents can't wait to have my DD when I go back to work. It's actually a bit annoying that they mention it whenever we see them because I feel like they are wishing my mat leave way 😅 But that is also how I would expect most grandparents to feel

They're barmy though, so their opinion doesn't count.

Yep, my parents benefitted massively from having a dual income and zero childcare costs due to both sets of their parents giving it for free, including overnights. Not to mention fucking off abroad once a year for 10 days WITHOUT US KIDS.

Meanwhile, in 14 years, they’ve not so much as watched my children for an hour. When I needed surgery, they were nowhere to be seen.

Both sets of my Grandparents are horrified, and have said they’d never have given up so much of their 60s to help their children if they knew they’d be such shits to their own children.

@GoingThatWay According to some on here you should not have had children unless you were prepared to quit that job.
Alternatively you should have had your kids older and cared for your grandchildren in your seventies and eighties.

Most women didn't work back in the fifties though, and very few had careers.
It was a different world then compared to today.

My first grandchild came along when I was 38 and still working full time with a mortgage and bills to pay.
Should I have packed up work and hope that my mortgage and utility providers wave my bills away to play peek -a-boo with baby?
Stop being silly and go run yourself a bath or something.

Should say 49 years.

Not sure why the poster earlier thinks grandparents kind of owe childcare because they were given so much? I am a grandparent and won't get to retire for 7 years yet on a pretty piss poor pension having worked 4o years by then. I definitely can't pack in work for childcare. Not sure what all these riches are that I was given.

To quote Mike and Mechanics, ‘every generation blames the one before’.

This is about women. You raise your kids while working full-time and are then expected to give up your job to provide free childcare. Meanwhile the men can enjoy themselves.

I don’t think this is a new set up; my great grandmother did loads of childcare for my grandmother’s children in the early 50s. It was offered not demanded though.

I don't know what you're snorting, but you need to stop it.
What if their children are infertile or don't want kids, or are even in a same sex relationship and don't want kids?
Stop being ridiculous and go read a book or something.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My DD doesn’t want children so how will I fill my days?
What about crap mothers that would be just as crap grandmothers, those still paying off their mortgage that need to work and we all know that according to MN we wouldn’t want PIL to do it.

@Noix (and others)

For current grandparents it was possible to feed and house a family on a single income back when they had children themselves. And they usually had some grandparent childcare as well as lots of women were sah.

The current parents (millennials are pushing forty, so last minute for having kids) have encountered one economic crisis after another, they cannot afford houses like their parents could.

Fully agree with PP that this is the world grandparents helped create and have benefitted from. Don't blame governments, they didn't repeatedly vote for themselves, did they?

While I agree life can be tough for working parents. There’s quite a lot of your post I’d take issue with.

A lot of grandparents are a similar age to me (50s/60s). In fact, for most of my contemporaries who had their children in the late 80s/90s, both parents worked. Hardly anyone was a SAHM, although they may have worked part-time.

As regards major economic crises, I googled and these were in the mid 70s, early 80s, early 90s and 2008 (plus COVID of course) so I guess the grandparents have lived through quite a few of these too.

In terms of governments, people who are ‘pushing 40’ have been able to vote for 20 years. Who did they vote for?
Most of us are going to have to work until we are 67/68.

Before you assume I’m a Tory voting Brexiteer, I’m not. I just get very fed up of all these posts blaming older people for everything.

Oh, and I absolutely don’t expect my DD to look after me in my old age and have told her as much. I fully expect her to be living somewhere on the other side of the world.

I fully intend to offer reasonable childcare to my grandchildren in future if I am able (maybe not 5 days a week; but regular babysitting, helping with school runs if needed, having them to mine as and when required). I anticipate being able to help even if I’m working full time, because even then why wouldn’t I be able to take them on a Friday night or for a Sunday?

Same. Grandparents 2 miles down the road, took me and my 3(!) siblings probably one weekend a
month, always available for school pick ups etc if needed, babysitting in between.

Dads fucked off to the Mediterranean just in time for his grandkids to be born. Convenient that.

As a mum of 3 I don't think it's my mother's responsibility to care for the children I CHOSE to bring into the world. It was her responsibility to care for me as a child which she did.

Nor will I be giving up my career, friends or holidays to care for my grandchildren. If my children decide to have children I will be totally delighted and love and spoil them but have raised my children so will be not be raising my grandkids. That's there parents job and one I need to let them do.

The odd babysitting for a date night is no problems but day to day care it out of the question. Having had endless sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, years of school runs, homework, bedtime routines etc I have no plans to go back to this once my children have flown the nest.

We get virtually no help from family and have paid thousands on childcare over the years. Its just part of life. We rarely get nights out or breaks but again it's the life we chose by having children.

I was ALWAYS at my grandma’s house - she came round to help my mum clean every week and I stayed at hers once a week. Now my mum is a grandparent and we see her probably 5x a year. It’s not like it’s a new thing that grandparents help out.

@PlumPudd

I agree with you @MrsDanversGlidesAgain. The UCL report says "If assessed by net household income after housing costs, then a life time generational decline is likely in the UK and several other European countries." Note the "If". They have chosen housing costs because that's what the current generation moan about. They have ignored general household costs - appliances, clothing, etc - which were much more expensive back then. We didn't have a throwaway society because we couldn't afford to do so. We were desperately acquiring, not decluttering; ; the word had not been invented back then.

You realise that many women work because they want to, and have the right to.

That most women don’t just consider rhit slaves vessels for child birthing/tearing and housekeeping.

Did you fall down a rabbit hole into the 1950s?

I look after my grandchildren one day a week (and some evening/weekends occasionally) and I work full time (4 long days). It’s knackering! But I do love having them and I have a really good relationship with them so for me it’s worth it.

Good god!
You would happily be chained to the kitchen and not work? And now because women have way more in the sense of equal opportunities across the board, and have the temerity to reasonably access these, you are blaming them for this situation?

Northing wrong those men back then staying home and taking care of the kids was there? Why didn’t they do that to prevent this so-called problem?