Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

Not an option for us as our parents live 200 and 400 miles away. What I would love is if my DPs wanted to spend any time getting to know their GCs. That would be enough for him.

Most people plan to have children so it's taking the piss to not plan how you will sort out actual childcare. Hugely entitled but fortunately I know very few GP that are put upon in this way. The ones I do are extremely vocal about wanting b their time back.

It is also massively entitled to not plan for your own care when you're elderly though.

I’ve just posted links to well regarded peer reviewed studies reported in high quality media outlets, that show that the boomer generation that lived through those things, are still slightly better off than their children.
@PlumPudd
Can you not see that they have cherry-picked data to get the answer they want? Never heard of "lies, damn lies and statistics"?

😆

Ok, there will be no nurses or carers or bin men in your old age. You’ll have to do all that shit yourself.

Do you receive any grandparent help?

Require 2 working parents

Then don't have kids if you can't afford to either only have 1 working parent, work different shifts, or afford their childcare.

I've already told my children I won't be doing this. They are only 6 and 4 currently so they should have really got the message by the time it's applicable.

So parents aren’t owed care in old age because it was their choice to have kids and so their job to care for them (fair), but your choice to have kids mean they have to care for them?! Why aren’t you applying the same rules to yourself?

But it’s not as different as you first think, as illustrated by my example. Both parents in the family worked in order to survive. Retired grandparents provided childcare.

My MIL said this - what women saw as ‘work’ back then and now are very different.

A lot of women above 60 who say they ‘worked all their lives’ usually mean very limited hours, or part time, or ‘odds and ends’ rather than a full contracted 9-5, 5 days a week.

The one where you say this?

“There was massive unemployment in the 70s
Only 5% of the population went to university
Lower house prices and high interest rates, the basic rate of tax was 33%
The NHS is still free
Women weren’t given entry to many pension schemes and lots of occupations didn’t offer one”

Eh? I haven’t said anything that contradicts your points about the 70’s or the NHS or women, or that indicates that I’m biased in any way. I’ve just posted links to well regarded peer reviewed studies reported in high quality media outlets, that show that the boomer generation that lived through those things, are still slightly better off than their children.

I didn’t say your points were wrong. Just that the studies show that in spite of your points being true boomers kids are worse off than their parents who lived through those things you mention.

No. Rising housing and energy costs. Your mum was able to do that as they likely had a cheap as chips mortgage.

I'm nearly 50, have 3 dds, I also have a grandson (7) and a dd at home still being only 16. I never expected my parents (my dm let's face it) to be my childcare. She had the for the odd times. My mil had my youngest once a week while I worked at the family business when it was school hols, once again never asked her to, she offered. And bless her now she's in her 70s she looks after the newest addition to our family 1 day a week and loves it. My dd was a young mum to my dgs and I have always helped her out. I could have put my foot down and said no but this world is hard enough as it is and she needed to work and he needed minding. As it is we have an amazing relationship and I still have him for sleepovers and school hols. I wanted to do this and yes my daughter did come to me for help. I would have said no if I didn't want to. A few of my friends have their grandkids one day a week. None of us are old and doddery so that helps. No it shouldn't be expected but it's kind to offer.

There’s nothing ironic about it. It would only be ironic if I was saying therefore their parents shouldn’t have helped them in return. But, they were much more likely to do so. People should pass the baton on, not hog everything to themselves.

Oh the irony of this comment!

Eh?

Read my first response to you. I bullet pointed it to make it easier for you.

Let's not pretend it's about grandparents. We're talking about grandmothers here. Women. Back in the olden days when women became mothers at 18 and grandmothers at 36 and didn't have to work and the cost of living wasn't atrocious and society said that being a wife and mother was your purpose in life, it was understandable that they would help raise their grandchildren.

But these days, women are finally realising they are worth more than just childrearing and keeping house. They want, need, and are allowed to do other things. Because that's what it's about - worth, value, respect. You should give up your self for your children and grandchildren because that's all you're worth. Well that's bs.

No woman should be guilted and shamed into giving up her self for the sake of others just because she is a mother.

What have I said that’s untrue? How am I biased?

Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964 so they aren't in their 80s and some of us (including me) are in our 60s and the 1963 and 1964 vintage haven't quite reached 60.

The oldest boomers are 77, the youngest are 58.

I’m not taking your “objective facts” personally at all @PlumPudd, I’m simply pointing out that you are biased and have said things that are patently untrue. 🤷‍♀️

Perhaps the “entitlement” comes from the fact that most millennials I know were basically raised by their grandparents. I can see how it might be an expectation that something similar might be on the cards for them too.

My friends have ended up with paid childcare though; as they soon found they were uncomfortable with the grandparents’ lack of experience with children (they didn’t raise their own, after all).

Grandparents should be changed to grandmothers....oh and yes there will be a couple of folks running to tell us that their dads do the childcare but lets be honest it is rare.

Many who work wont be retiring until they are 67. Do their DC truly think there newly retired mother should then start offering childcare? I have worked since 18 yrs old, I have 4 DC and my last wont be out the house until I am 62. I will be enjoying my retirement and not being restricted by childcare duties. Happy to baby sit and help out over holiday times and emergencies but not to take on a new fulltime job. I chose to have 4 DC and all of them went through a nursery.

My point wasn’t to stir up intergenerational arguments or to attack boomers or praise millennials.

I’ve said upthread that grandparents shouldn’t be pressured to give childcare, it’s up to them and if they don’t want to they should just say a firm no.

My point was just that a lot of people on this thread are using personal anecdotes to argue that things in grandparents generations were in general worse, which is I’m sure true at the individual level for some people, but isn’t true at a population level. I find it a bit generally dismaying when people don’t understand that when their personal experience didn’t match what is a well established trend, that doesn’t disprove the trend. Anecdotes are not good science or evidence, when compared to population level statistics