Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

Otherwise I am either paying for nursery so that I can work or looking after my child myself, you know like a parent is supposed to

Completely depends on your culture. As I said above it's normal for many to have help from gps. Not sure why having family help means someone isn't doing what a parent is supposed too 🤔

If you own a house you can sell it to pay for care. If you don't it will be paid for you.

It's certainly not the norm amongst my peers. Some very demanding elderly people who absolutely refuse to go into a home.

So are you saying it’s ok for you to use a nursery for child care so you can work but it’s not ok for others to have grandparents looking after their grandchild so the parents can work?

And just so you know - saying things like ‘looking after my children like parents are supposed to’ only makes you come across as judgemental and ridiculous.

Its very simple actually. At some points in your life you pay in, at others you take out.

It depends on your income & how much tax you have paid surely?

As a healthy working adult with no dependent children, I currently take very little out compared to families with children.

So you did take it out at some point then as you had dc?

Statistically people get less healthy & cost the NHS more as they get older.

I'm not sure if it was capped then. I never earned enough for that to be a consideration.

But I thought that people had to earn at least late 30s to be a net contributor? That's my point, you can't just assume you are subsiding others just because they have dc.

I think that is a big difference between the US and the UK. It's the norm in the US to sort your care in later life.

@Wouldloveanother Sit doon, hen.

No idea who Gringott's are, though

Oh, HP reference. I really hope my pension isn't in a fictional wizarding bank.

@antelopevalley @Tiddlywinx and @jesusjoan Thank you for your kindness and empathy. I would never have got that from parents of DGC!

@Tiddlywinx You asked some further questions. I will answer as best I can but I have to be careful of what I might say for fear of repercussions.
I was warned off trying to see DGC. I did try to make communication but that was rejected. I am not the only relative who feels they have been pushed away. The babysit when we want but don't otherwise see the DGC is a long-standing feature in my life with DGC. Officials have noticed what goes on. Due to other factors I don't dare try to make any contact with the DGC or their parents. There are others in contact with the DGC who is not allowed round certain other children. If I am not around I can not be accused of anything but that was only my thoughts. In reality the accusations were made. I did nothing wrong other than rebel against being used.

I also think it's lovely for a child to have a relationship with a gp, which is only really possible when it's just them.

My youngest is at preschool. My mum is in her late 70s and my mil is 80 and appears to be starting with dementia. We manage without help just as our mothers managed with help as both dh and I were raised in different countries to our grandparents.

They seem to think their national insurance has been accruing in a vault at Gringott’s

In fairness a lot of people (not just the coming up to pension age cohort) think that NI is invested for them rather than what you accrue is an entitlement based on what you've paid in NI over your working life.

No idea who Gringott's are, though.

Fucking hell, you really hate old people, don’t you? I really hope you don’t have any in your life.

Its very simple actually. At some points in your life you pay in, at others you take out. As a healthy working adult with no dependent children, I currently take very little out compared to families with children. Yet according to the person I was responding to, simply because I'm a grandparent, I should be also providing free childcare to further assist the current generation of parents. The poster appears under the illusion that simply because your child gives birth, you are automatically a wealthy retiree who only takes.
It was called Family Allowance. My parents got it for me. I got child benefit, the same as parents today. I'm not sure if it was capped then. I never earned enough for that to be a consideration.

Speechless. YOU are responsible for your own actions. If you (ever) have your own children, I hope they blame you for everything they do one day. Let us know how that feels. Literally the worst post I have read on Mumsnet. Thinking that you are probably trying to provoke a reaction.

‘They’? ‘Most of them’?

What are you on?

I would never ask my grandparents or parents to take care of my children. We don't earn mega money, have a standard size house etc, baby goes to nursery 4 days a week and other child is in full time school, yes it is expensive but it is only temporary and we live within our means on a strict budget.

I have friends who say they can't afford childcare but have brand new cars on finance, go on expensive days out and multiple holidays a year, they get annoyed when their parents can't take care of their children when they work etc, it's just selective spending isn't it!

We have the opposite situation. I work full-time as does DH, and my mum is always offering to have the children, but I don't believe in using grandparents in this way. I chose to have my children,childcare is my issue to sort, not hers.

I want my parents to have relaxed time with the children where I am available to deal with any challenging situations (SEN needs) and also not be worried about school pick ups, etc. I don't want them to be free/cheap childcare, I want themto be grandparents.

DHs parents have never once offered to look after our children and we would never ask them. My mil did every drop off and pick up for my nephew throughout primary school (a 40 minute round trip each way for her), plus 3 hours of childcare every day - it's just not fair to impose like that. I'm sure she just never felt able to say no.

You are defining my DM (born 1935) as a boomer. Which is wrong. She was a war baby. I was born in 1956 and a boomer, but I lived through the 1970s economic failure, and moved countries to escape the catastrophic UK failure.

Yes, my generation managed without central heating, holidays, supermarket deliveries, plastic shopping bags, a phone or a car so everything must be our fault

tfresh:It's the world grandparents have created. Most families will require 2 working parents to have any chance of putting a roof over the kids head.
^
Grandparents could avoid this by giving back to the system that has given them so much. However, I don't see this happening anytime soon, so maybe chin up and help out.^

Hahahahahaha. What a crock of shite

@User57327259 Oh this is really sad. Must have been particularly difficult having built up a relationship with your DGC. What a horrible way to behave. Hopefully in the future when the kids are older they will reach out to you.

Think of all the things your children will recieve that is free or subsidised. The care you received in pregnancy, your maternity pay. Maybe child benefit. Yours and your husband's tax won't touch the sides of that. Your choice to have children is being subsidised by the tax payer. Which as I said, is as it should be.

I don't think it's as simple as that as the younger generations pay for those above them. Did you not have dc or receive an education? Plus it's a benefit for the country for the population to be well educated.

You could have a family income of 118k & still receive some child benefit, my parents got a similar payment under a different name that wasn't means tested plus birth rates are now very different. Say you were earning similar for a decade that's 30k in tax a yr, that's a decent contribution.

Most families DO manage without grandparents help in the real world.

This is so sad @User57327259

can I ask though and in no means is this an accusation or excusing dgc parents actions, actually trying to understand our parental grandparents. Do you or did you try and arrange to see grand kids and have been told no, ask to visit, go on days out, take them out still outside of any formal childcare arrangements? Or did you expect them to be brought to you?

(I’m really really not trying to be inflammatory or accusatory, if it comes across that way I’m sorry, I’m actually not sure if I have unreasonable expectations from my kids GPs)