Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

Oh and we don't expect a penny and certainly don't get one but it is a shame when MIL doesn't buy dc any presents not even a small token gift but will happily turn up to christmas expecting to be fed every year.

@IrmaGord he knows. He also says would be easier if he'd married someone with a family. It's not meant to be nasty just that we're really struggling having no childcare.& can see the disadvantages our dc have for not having any that care. We get by though. I don't agree gp are obliged to provide care but am sad when they don't want to. I hope I don't turn into such a gp!

Think I will just keep working! It sounds easier that putting up with Cheeky f***ery. This response of 'well you shouldn't have had kids' seems the stock response of the younger generation now. I can't imagine I would ever have said this to my parents.

Unemployment only ever rose to around 10% so this was always something that affected the minority of people.

I'm not saying that the economy in the 1970s was tickety boo. Nobody can expect to live many decades and to never experience recessions and difficult economic times. The difference is that there are now real structural issues that make life harder for the majority of parents today such as astronomical house prices and a necessity to access expensive childcare that will be around for the very long term unless there is some drastic intervention (which isn't going to happen).

It's annoying because it seems many grandparents will never accept they had things easier because everything wasn't easy. There is a distinction between the two!

Sorry tiddly I meant to reply to someone else with above. I agree with your posts!' Xxx

sits on her wealth
the most entitled sentence in this entire thread. Proves the OP’s point entirely

I don't think grandparents are obliged to help out but in our case I don't have any family and dh Mum just sits by on her wealth watching us suffer looking after dc alone. I'm surprised but never expected much. And it's very very sad when I go to things at school and watch all the other gp loving every minute of seeing their dc and my dc not having that. If I could go back I'd have married into a family that did have an interest in their own family tbh

This whole paragraph I don't know where to start. How would you feel if your DH said he regretted marrying you because you have no family around? Do people really get married on the basis of how much future childcare will be provided? And how dare your MIL not fund your lifestyle at the expense of her own!

They did actually.

dh Mum just sits by on her wealth
Oh that witch! She should be handing her 'wealth' over to you, you sorrowful suffering victim of her son's fertility 😂

That is not true at all.
My 83 year old mother needed to work despite my Dad having a decent job and we were far from rich.
You may have come from a privileged background but don't make assumptions about everyone else.

You can't offer regular childcare, but maybe you could offer a 1 week holiday once a year for the grandchildren and/or for your parents. So they come to you and you take them out, etc. Or you book a holiday cottage and have them there for a holiday.

I don't think grandparents are obliged to help out but in our case I don't have any family and dh Mum just sits by on her wealth watching us suffer looking after dc alone. I'm surprised but never expected much. And it's very very sad when I go to things at school and watch all the other gp loving every minute of seeing their dc and my dc not having that. If I could go back I'd have married into a family that did have an interest in their own family tbh.

Dh mum makes all sorts of excuses why she can only come once a year. We really struggle to hold together as two working parents but as pp have said and I agree no obligation to help I suppose. But it is a shame. My dd miss out on having nice gp too either way I think those that do care are a great asset to family life today.

So they’ve offered, but you won’t be offering for your own grandkids?

Nothing regular. They offer to have them from time to time because they want to. We don't rely on them.

Such the saddest and nasty thread.

I'm 58.

I'd dearly love to be near my mum but I'm over two hundred miles away. She's struggling. I'm an only child.

I moved due to company relocation and an increase in salary. Maybe I should have stayed and got a shit job so that I could be near my mum.
I didn't but she was my age at the time.

I met my husband and had children. No grandparent childcare. I stayed at home then got a term time job.

My children grew up . One is over two hundred miles away and is happy and settled with a lovely partner.
The other is over 70 miles away and is also happily settled with her lovely partner.

How the hell can we help either my frail mum or either of our children?

There is nowhere to live that's equidistant that could allow any help to any of them.

This thread has made me feel like a dreadful parent and an appalling child.

But I genuinely find it bizarre, you are always all over MNs but seem to get into constant tit for tat posts as opposed to contributing anything of note. Isn't it boring?

It started in the early 00's tax credits came in and suddenly there was a benefit to both parents working and childcare mostly paid for. For a while it was great then the cost of living rose, wages slowed and childcare costs /fees increased. A lot of parents can't afford to live on one wage, nor can they afford full time childcare so here we are.

You can do better than that!

Am I now? That’s nice, dear.

I think it’s quite unhealthy to be pitting the generations against each other.

Different things are tough in different ways. In U.K., people are probably on the whole more fortunate than people in most parts of the world. And on the whole we are better off than people 100years ago. I do think it is gonna be hard for my kids (uni fees, house prices, paying for covid and energy crisis, climate crisis) and I hope to be able to help them as much as I can. Their grandparents do a lot of childcare, and I hope to help them as they get older.

Don't answer that, you're infamous 😆

Are you?

Are you always this good at completely missing the point?

If you're in a position where you take no subsidies, and self fund all your childrens needs, health, education, then you're not in a position where you need free childcare from grandparents.

Are you talking about me? Who said anything about need? My gps want to be involved & I want them involved, nothing to do with money.

Those that feel they should be receiving it are presumably the ones not in your fortunate position, so are already being subsidised, but are choosing to overlook that with their stereotypes about older people solely taking and not giving.

I can't speak for other posters & assume their motivations, but i'm sure plenty aren't only driven by financial motives.