Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

I think it does vary, I know 20 years ago colleagues would say I did too much but when I went to where my family came from all my cousins and second cousins were doing the same as me.

I also have to say I enjoy it, I think it keeps me young and fit. My eldest GC is in his 20s and the littlest is one. Another six in between so it is ongoing for me. I'd be sad if my help wasn't wanted.

Wtf. How the hell do you know what financial burdens every pensioner ever had?
Generalisations by government and media are not facts.
There will be millions of pensioners who could tell you how hard their lives have been including me but what would be the point?
Fyi i don't have a bus pass nor do i have a public service pension but i did get the wfa because my income is under the threshold.
It's really not a competition to see who had it harder. Some people do and others don't.
I also don't yet have grandchildren but if i ever do i can't do childcare not because i don't want to but because i have mobility issues. Then again my chikdren aren't entitled arseholes and wouldn't cut me off if i couldn't help them.

I assume it must vary by area but growing up in the 90s where I lived it wasn't as commonplace. For most people I knew grandparents were people you visited and were babysat by now and then, not day to day carers.

This might sound awful but those I did know back then whose grandparents were more heavily involved it seemed to be because the parents weren't coping. For example if the mum had a baby very young or there was illness. I'm guilty of making assumptions about some families before realising how grandparent childcare had become more common.

I think it varies. Going back well over 100 year my GGM helped my GM, my GM did lots of childcare for my mother (looking after me) and my mother did slot of childcare with my older children but she wasn't well enough for my younger children. I pay it forward by doing childcare with my GC. It is just normal in my wider family.

Thinking back to being a young mum in the 70s most people I knew got support from their parents. Does it vary round the country or communities?

I definitely knew grandparents at playgroups and pick ups at school. I can remember three families where grandparents were bringing up GC full-time as parents were off partying and living the single life.

I find it interesting that there seems to be some belief that Boomer parents seemed to rely on their parents to provide childcare and practically outsource their parenting to them and therefore should be prepared now to do several days childcare a week.

Maybe for a small minority, but statistics show that Grandparents now do FAR more childcare than previous generations. I don't remember ever seeing any Grandparents at the school gate. None of my school friends were ever regularly picked up by their grandparents after school and those that had parents that worked all went to after school club or a childminder. Even when you go to toddler groups, half the people there are grandparents something that my mum said she never saw when we were younger.

I certainly wouldn't hold my parents personally responsible for the fact two incomes are needed now (I'd also hate to be a SAHM) and demand they do childcare for this. It's such a ridiculous thing to say.

Grey12 is either Rachel Reeves or a Labour luvvy who has bought into the fallacy that pensioners should be raped of all their earnings so the country can keep everyone at a low pay levela nd claim benefits.

@Worralorra

would you give up the triple lock free bus passes protected public service pensions and winter fuel allowance then?

the younger generations carry a far greater financial burden than you possibly did and for longer making having and raising children far more expensive than previous generations

This is BS!
We were lucky to have a better work/life balance, yes! But to blame us for the world changing to something we didn’t vote for, and don’t agree with is rather disingenuous.
And we certainly didn’t sign up to become childcare in our 60’s! Younger generations should still, as we did, consider their life choices and cut their cloth accordingly - not just assume that the grandparents would provide free childcare!

I have a friend in her 70s who was similarly pressured and guilt tripped and it's caused a lot of family drama. She is retired but has a hobby that takes up a couple of hours every morning and a little home business - so couldn't do those for the two days of childcare). She didn't want to do it in the first place and also told me she was finding it too much looking after a baby and toddler - just getting them in and out of the car was tiring her out. She's got 5 DC in all and the others were upset that as she hadn't looked after theirs regularly why was she doing it for that one and (ironically) they reminded her that the entitled DC was the one who has always done the least for her. She didn't want to leave them in the lurch but gave them a time limit to find their own childcare - I say them as it's a husband and wife (both with good jobs). She wasn't 'abandoned' after all and it did cause a few arguments amongst her DC.

Some people have a lot of front!

If your family desert you for not providing free childcare, they’re not much of a family, are they?

I know, what a daft comment.

Grandparents have already been part of the system giving so much by raising their own children. And most of the grandparents I know with young enough GC to need childcare are still working themselves.

I'd have to agree with @Violinist64 . I had my only child when I was 43 and he is now 26 and single. I'm very well, but I am not going to provide more than (very) occasional daycare, even now. Assuming it takes another decade for my DS to do reproduction, I shall be at least 79. My family do make old bones in good health, but surely this is pushing the envelope of expectation for grandparenting?

There is a big difference between wanting to spend lots of time with one’s grandchildren - and, if l am looking forward to doing so if l am blessed with grandchildren in the future - and being expected to be in loco parentis. The rôle of grandparents is to enjoy the good bits of their grandchildren without bringing them up because we have already done that with our own children. If l do have grandchildren, I will probably be in my mid-sixties at the earliest, possibly nearer seventy, and, with the best will in the world, energy levels are much lower at this age than twenty, thirty or forty years previously.

My own parents would have been offended if we chose to put the DC in nursery to pay a bunch of low-paid, disinterested teenagers to do the bare minimum care, when they were more than willing to help for free. They said as much when I was pregnant with DD1. They only do two school pick ups and the odd day in the school holidays, but they seem to really cherish the time with them. They get all of my old toys out for them, set up activities, take them to the park. They don't seem to view it as a chore but just quality time with their GC, and are always reminding us that they're there to help.

I personally find it a little sad when GPs are completely disinterested and value their 'me' time over family. Nobody is laying on their death bed wishing they had spent less time with their family. I'm already looking forward to being a GP and my eldest is only 10, and we will help out any way we can.

What?

Eh?

This is an old thread!

Hear hear!

Have you never heard of a babysitter...?

You what!!??

https://inews.co.uk/news/grandparents-retiring-early-plug-broken-childcare-system-2334495

I think it's possibly because those same children were half raised by THEIR grandparents so assume the same will follow.

It works both ways though, my mil has provided some childcare for us since retiring, we accepted reluctantly because nursery couldn't offer us the days we needed when I returned to work.

We ensure it's minimal, that she only has 1 of the 2 children on the day and everything is here for her to make life as easy as possible. I have just dropped a day and eldest starts school in August so thankfully we can stop. She'll hopefully still help out in the odd emergency if free. However my motivation is more that she overfeeds them crap so incredibly my eldest has gained significant weight since she started having him a day a week.

I don't mind a treat but we're talking 2 chocolate bars, a bag of crisps, a bag of mini cheddars, lunch at McDonald's, 3 fruit shoots over a working day level of excess. Normal day with us he has maybe a bag of crisps or mini cheddars and a cup of squash, sweets and chocolate are huge treats and he doesn't look for them, even on the days she has him she's shoving them at him not him asking. We've spoken and spoke. To her but she doesn't see the excess, she's obese herself.

If I could have him in paid childcare the entire time I work I would and if I could temporarily drop another day u til he starts school I would but neitherseens to be possible so I grit my teeth and say thank you.

Anyway, yes, it's mad to me that people are so entitled but honestly I don't know a single parent grandparent relationship where I see that entitlement. All my peers have parents desparaoto help out where they have to limit the time for reasons like ours or mostly the grandparents just pop in for a visit once every couple of weeks to be made tea and waited on while they take photos with the kids and head off for another fortnight

I help when I can, to the extent of using my own holiday time. Happy to do so when possible. At nearly 74 I still need to work and I don't think that is always understood. My kids grandparents were rarely called upon to help me, they weren't in great health. My dad lived much too far away.

Yes, and heaven forfend you object to their ice-cream sticky toddlers draping themselves over you on public transport. Even just trying to shift away makes you “a nasty piece of work” according to one charming woman I encountered.

@Catsmere Im child free by choice and Gen X and im grateful my generation got the choice

IMO the "it takes a village" brigade just want the bits that suit. Rarely do they like it when you tell their child off for running around a coffee shop where hot drinks are being served.