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Original poster

To try for a fourth baby?

160 replies

TulipVictory · 09/09/2022 10:55

This is really silly because i am really on the fence but I am thinking I either have one more now or never.

So what I would really like to know is in my situation, would you have another?

I am 31 years old, I have three beautiful children all of the same gender they are 8, 5 and almost 2. A part of me longs for that one last child but of the opposite gender. I know this is silly because I cannot choose this but I also know that if I had a little one of the same gender I'd love it just as much as my others. The main reason for another is just I have this longing for one but how do I even know that this will stop after a fourth baby. Generally I just love having babies and children and it's lovely having a nice busy household. They all bring so much joy.

However, I know this is not the sensible option. The cons are that I'd need to get a new car and probably a new house eventually or an extension as we only have a 3 bedroom house. My husband is content with three and he said if it was just his decision he would say no more but because I have this longing for another one he wouldn't want me to live with regrets and the what ifs so we'd have one more and then he would happy to go and have a vasectomy. Another con is I know all my family think that if I had another I would be absolutely insane and less supportive.

I just don't know that my reason for one more is reason enough. In my situation, what would you do? It's now or never though. I don't want to be doing the school run forever. When my third starts primary, my first child will already be in year 6.

If you've read this far then I really appreciate it 😊

OP posts:
RandomMusings7 · 09/09/2022 11:06

What of it's twins this time?

What if the 4th has significant special needs?

What message are you sending to your existing kids when the penny drops that you really wanted one of the opposite sex?

mamabear715 · 09/09/2022 11:06

Totally your decision but if you wait for the right time / house / car you'll never do it! The eldest could be away at Uni by the time the others need a separate bedroom..
I had mixed genders but still went on to have seven - it IS a bit addictive! :-) If you're really happy to maybe get the same gender again, that's fine. You have a supportive DH & your family's thoughts don't really matter, they don't get to choose in such a personal decision, although I do understand that they help out a lot.
Good luck in deciding!

rainbowmilk · 09/09/2022 11:05

I had a friend who did this - she now has 6 boys and can barely afford to live. She still goes on about wanting to try for a girl but her husband says he’d divorce her.

If you know that you’d likely just want to keep going until you get a girl, because you love babies, then I’d suggest either seeking someone to talk to about how to move on from this. or get a puppy.

The environmental impact is also massive. I know MN doesn’t care about this but having another child is the worst thing you can do for the climate by a long way.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/09/2022 11:04

I’d think long term. 4 teens are not cheap - food, uniform, shoes, activities. 4 potentially to support at Uni. Plus emotional support needed - they need you in a different way.
What are your career plans - wrap around plus childcare for 4 will be eye watering plus logistics of arranging everything.
Personally I’d focus on 3 you have. Even if they only do bare minimum of activities you’ll be stretched thin.

Fivemoreminutesinbed · 09/09/2022 11:04

Can you afford it? What if it is the same gender? How could you guarantee that that disappointment wouldn't cause you unhappiness? Not sure any of your post really gives any good reason to have another.

sevenbyseven · 09/09/2022 11:03

Something else to bear in mind is that while certain things get easier as they get older, other things get harder. Trying to juggle lifts and clubs and activities when you have 3 or 4 school-aged children is not easy and you end up having to say no to more things.

FruitPastilleNut · 09/09/2022 11:01

We felt similar when Dc3 was approaching school age.

We used our heads, DH had the snip and we got a puppy 😂

elciruelo · 09/09/2022 11:01

Stickmansmum · 09/09/2022 10:58

It’s your choice.

I have 4. It’s a lot. Couldn’t imagine not having them all but do wish my life was quieter and calmer. I have A LOT of help too.

This is me too

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2022 11:00

Can you AFFORD a fourth? Do you work so it's more childcare or do you need to get back to work once free hours kick in?

How big is your 3 bed? We're in a 3 bed, it's two doubles and a single. We'd struggle to fit a fourth in once baby was out of our room. So can you afford a 4 bed where you are?

Can you afford the car and Al lthe extra curriculum stuff for n04?

It's pointless having one in the hope you'll finally get a little girl, but if you can answer all the above, you can cope if it's twins or the child has medical needs, then why not, but make sure DH is already doing his share and is fully on board.

If course this is MN so someone will come to tell you you're the reason the Earth is dying.

Stickmansmum · 09/09/2022 10:58

It’s your choice.

I have 4. It’s a lot. Couldn’t imagine not having them all but do wish my life was quieter and calmer. I have A LOT of help too.

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