To try for a fourth baby?

Have a fourth

I have three my third was a girl and I was over joyed to have her

Change cars and remember that all children are a gift xxx

Can you afford current expenses?
Are the future finances ie pensions on track?
Are you able to manage if baby number 4 has special needs?

For the sake of your dh and your existing dc I'd honestly say no.

You already have 3 children all of the same sex so you want another child of the opposite sex. It all about what you want but you know that having another child means a bigger car and probably moving house or possibly building an extension if possible.
Then what happens if you have twins or down the line this 4th child has special needs?
What happens the family income if you can't work due to this?
What happens if you have another child of the same sex? Will you keep trying for a boy/girl?

In your case I would not have another child. You already have 3 kids and work PT. Having a 4th child means that you have to stop work for a while and your trying to manage more expense on one income.
What about the kids you already have? Do you think it's fair as they grow up that they can't go places or do things because you have not got the time or the income to afford things?
Managing 3 children who will have different needs as they get older is not easy.
Your children are young now but in 10 years time you will have 1at college age and 2 in secondary school and that a lot of expense.

I know a lady who had a 4th child about 3 years ago. Her other children were in primary school. The first thing she had to do was change her car and take on a loan to do this.

She has to mind 4 kids as her husband works long hours. Her 3 older kids were at the stage of being able to do more things for themselves and then she was back to the new born stage.
Since then she has been struggling at times with money as her husband is self employed and they have had to deal with the whole COVID situation. She had to fight to get her older child into X secondary school a few miles away because her local school is poor and she could not afford to move house. She is now trying to manage the care and needs for 4 kids from toddler to teenager and has had a few difficult times with 2 of the older kids.
Along with this she has had very little family support despite her family knowing that she needed help at times over the past few years. In the next few years she will have more expense as the children go into secondary school and college.
As a friend of mine said its easy for some people to have children but you have to think about the cost of bringing them up and putting them through college. You want to be able to afford music lessons, sports, grinds ect. If they have an interest or talent it nice to be in a position to pay for lessons ect to build on what they already have.

Also at the moment with the cost of living crises and with mortgage rates going up your current expenses are going up a lot but wages are not. You have to think long term how you can afford another child when you already have 3 kids. I know you work PT at the moment but as your kids get older you may want to work more hours or change jobs.
As your kids get older the expenses get higher with food, clothes and education.

Ha ha. Definitely a drip feed set up there! 😂

Fair enough but everything else I said still applies - you’ve no idea what their personality will be.

I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with no.3. in have no regrets, BUT, I am terrified of the economy right now. The energy bills cap is going to bring very short term relief I think, and this will go on for a while, in fact longer than we thought even a week ago. We personally don't want to move house, nor could we probably afford it now. I'm hoping after this one I feel very very 'done' 😂 goodluck OP.

Well I’m one of 4 (all girls) and while I’m forever grateful for my lifelong girl-squad of sisters that I now have, I look back at my childhood and think my parents must have been totally nuts to have that many kids. It was very chaotic and they had very little life outside of our family.

3 children is still plenty, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why anyone would choose to have more!

Same here but with possible DC number 3. Right now we have decided to stop at 2.

Main reason is that we are not sure how much our expenses will increase, i do not want to put us into debts and decrease quality of life for DC1&2 just because i have been "selfish" and longing for more.

Also, not sure if i would have enough time and resources to take care properly of 2 kids + 1 kid with medical issues (which is something you have always to consider).

This, 4 is alot in the first place. Your reasons for a 4th are not good ones either.

I think if you have 3 of the same then statistically you're much more likely to have a fourth the same (assuming same father to all 4)

You may have same sex and long for no 5

you May have the different sex and be happy

honestly with the way cost of living is I wouldn’t

you have 3 healthy children

if you have a 4th you will need to move and get a bigger car

not sure what holidays you have if any , but an extra child will add costs

I'd stick with the three.

Just remember shit is about to hit the fan with the economy. Just because you can afford it now, doesn't mean you may in a year or three.

I would stick to the children you do have.

What about thinking about what's best for the children you already have? - I guarantee they already have enough siblings and another just means less money and less time for them.

The biggest economic crisis in decades is coming our way, and the forum is awash with posts by people who had 4 and now can't support them because they didn't foresee it. But you can. Things are going to get very, very bad.

You have to think of how it will impact your family, your existing children and husband in particular of course. My sister has 4 children, and whilst I love them all dearly, it is a lot and it rules a lot of things out for us to as a wider family.

No, just based on cost of living to be honest. You say 'stretch us again for a few more years' indicating you are already stretched, and you've already got 3 kids in two bedrooms. I get your point about extending but if you are already stretched with 3 a fourth plus an extension just doesnt sound affordable for you. Teenagers want their own rooms, their own space! Plus they are really expensive and things have been steadily going downhill in this country, so you could end up in a really shit situation financially. Your husband doesnt want one either. Enjoy your three beautiful girls and get a dog instead i say 😁

Similar situation to you…im 32 and have children of a similar age 9,4 and 2 and live in a 3 bedroom house. Partner happy with 3 but i always had it in my head I wanted 4 children from being a young age and he wouldn’t of objected to one more if it’s what I really wanted but after having 3 you realise how there is a lot more to factor in that just wanting 4 (money, house, car, holidays, childcare, uni fees, time and attention, as well as having to put your body through pregnancy 4 times etc) and that you start to wonder if you should stick at 3 but I had this aching in my heart for 4 children - I however have a mix of boys and girls already (girl, boy, girl) and it has nothing to do with wanting a specific sex.

As it happens the decision was sort of (obviously I still had a choice) taken away from us as we unexpectedly fell pregnant earlier this year despite using precautions and I’m due in December with our 4th which is poor timing for various reasons for us but it is what it is….very apprehensive this time round as I’m a high risk pregnancy and as you know life is pretty chaotic with 3 as it is never mind 4 but just keep telling myself they’re only young once and I’ll have the 4 children I always wanted and won’t be left thinking “what if?” And wondering if I should of tried for that 4th. I’m hoping I’ll reap the rewards in years to come with my big family and that they’ll always have each other.

I don’t have the answer for you but I would say if its mainly to do with trying to get a specific sex child I wouldn’t base your decision on trying for a 4th on that as its 50/50. Weigh up the pros and cons and how you might feel sticking with the 3 you have or adding another 1 to the mix and base that on it being 4 of one sex rather than getting one of the other gender (it could happen but it might not)

The housing/ car thing so long as you can afford are easily fixed. We have just got a 7 seater, we looked around and went mid range in price for one but you can get budget second hand 7 seaters they just don’t have as much room and probably aren’t as reliable. The baby will be in our bedroom for the first year so we will think about moving/ extending after that.

and yanbu to want a 4th it’s a personal preference based on your own circumstances x

I think after your first child it’s not just about ‘your longings’ anymore. You need to think about how having another child will impact your whole family. Fact is, if you had children of both genders already you’d probably not be contemplating another one. That’s speaks volumes. Think about the practicalities and how your DH and children will be affected by this. I don’t think positively. Your house is too small and you have to get a new car for starters. Call it a day.

Yabu.

You’ve been dying to drip feed that knowing everyone would assume you wanted a girl😂

Obviously it’s entirely up to you and whether you can afford it. And if you could cope with twins or if you child had significant disabilities etc

I think it’s a mistake to have another out of longer for a particular sex though - and I’m going to assume you want a girl (sorry if wrong). You might not get a “girly girl” who wants to get dressed up in dresses and go shopping with Mum when she’s older. Or one of your boys might be more into that.

I have one of each, which you might call lucky but my dd (13) wears very “non girly” clothes and talks mainly about politics, and my ds(8) is into art, music and gymnastics. So you just don’t know what you’re going to get, is my point.

You know all the possibilities, so if you’re still happy, go for it. I wish I had.