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AIBU?

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Original poster

To try for a fourth baby?

160 replies

TulipVictory · 09/09/2022 10:55

This is really silly because i am really on the fence but I am thinking I either have one more now or never.

So what I would really like to know is in my situation, would you have another?

I am 31 years old, I have three beautiful children all of the same gender they are 8, 5 and almost 2. A part of me longs for that one last child but of the opposite gender. I know this is silly because I cannot choose this but I also know that if I had a little one of the same gender I'd love it just as much as my others. The main reason for another is just I have this longing for one but how do I even know that this will stop after a fourth baby. Generally I just love having babies and children and it's lovely having a nice busy household. They all bring so much joy.

However, I know this is not the sensible option. The cons are that I'd need to get a new car and probably a new house eventually or an extension as we only have a 3 bedroom house. My husband is content with three and he said if it was just his decision he would say no more but because I have this longing for another one he wouldn't want me to live with regrets and the what ifs so we'd have one more and then he would happy to go and have a vasectomy. Another con is I know all my family think that if I had another I would be absolutely insane and less supportive.

I just don't know that my reason for one more is reason enough. In my situation, what would you do? It's now or never though. I don't want to be doing the school run forever. When my third starts primary, my first child will already be in year 6.

If you've read this far then I really appreciate it 😊

OP posts:
Unanananana · 09/09/2022 15:31

Do you actually want a fourth child or do you just want a boy?

It seems silly and illogical to bring another child into the world just because you want a boy. What about the impact on the entire family? Can you actually afford it or are you just trying to talk yourself into it?

WhoppingBigBackside · 09/09/2022 15:31

Fivemoreminutesinbed · 09/09/2022 15:07

Always one. 🙄

Show quote history

She said they are all girls. Sex and gender are not the same. In general terms, sex refers to a person’s physical characteristics at birth, and gender encompasses a person’s identities, expressions, and societal roles. A person may identify with a gender that is different from their natal sex or with no gender at all.

RequiemForAcat · 09/09/2022 15:30

Personally I wouldn’t. You have three healthy children, not enough bedrooms or car space and not to mention the cost of living crisis which is only going to get worse. I’d say don’t do it, especially as your DH has already expressed he doesn’t really want another and would only be doing it for you, that isn’t healthy in a marriage. So no.

KidsgroveBoggart · 09/09/2022 15:21

My children are young adults and the amount of time, money, energy and resources we needed during their teens was more than I ever realised. I think it's easy to want another baby without understanding what the future might bring.

Original poster
TulipVictory · 09/09/2022 15:19

I said now or never because I don't want to be too much older and I also don't want to prolong the amount of years I am going to be doing the school run

OP posts:
XtinaCaligulara · 09/09/2022 15:18

Well you can choose the sex of your child

You just need to pay for it

Can you afford 4, have time for 4 etc.?

TheBeesKnee · 09/09/2022 15:15

Why is it now or never?

I think if you're adamant for another, you need to ensure you have the space and resources. Why don't you dedicate the next few years to either extending or buying a bigger house, then see how you feel? You're not old by any means yet.

My friend has 4 in a 3 bedroom house, 3 kids share the master bedroom and the little one is in the box room. When they start hitting puberty it's going to be carnage. They're already bickering, it's hard not having any space of your own, or even somewhere to escape to for a bit of quiet.

Skolo · 09/09/2022 15:14

WhoppingBigBackside · 09/09/2022 14:40

Your children are of the same sex, not the same gender.

How do you know? They might be of the same gender but not of the same sex.

Fivemoreminutesinbed · 09/09/2022 15:07

WhoppingBigBackside · 09/09/2022 14:40

Your children are of the same sex, not the same gender.

Always one. 🙄

RandomMusings7 · 09/09/2022 14:47

WhoppingBigBackside · 09/09/2022 14:40

Your children are of the same sex, not the same gender.

Really? I think OP is perfectly capable of gendering her own kids 🙄🙄🙄

economicervix · 09/09/2022 14:45

You haven’t written one reason why you want to have another kid, is it just because of the genitals, and liking babies? Absolutely dreadful reason to make another person suffer decades of climate catastrophe. You haven’t mentioned how it would benefit your existing kids, either. Why not foster, or work at a nursery?

BadNomad · 09/09/2022 14:40

You're only 31. I'd maybe wait for a few years until your eldest is more independent and the others are in school. By then, you might not even want to go back to the baby stage.

WhoppingBigBackside · 09/09/2022 14:40

Your children are of the same sex, not the same gender.

Skolo · 09/09/2022 14:36

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 11:36

Obviously it’s entirely up to you and whether you can afford it. And if you could cope with twins or if you child had significant disabilities etc

I think it’s a mistake to have another out of longer for a particular sex though - and I’m going to assume you want a girl (sorry if wrong). You might not get a “girly girl” who wants to get dressed up in dresses and go shopping with Mum when she’s older. Or one of your boys might be more into that.

I have one of each, which you might call lucky but my dd (13) wears very “non girly” clothes and talks mainly about politics, and my ds(8) is into art, music and gymnastics. So you just don’t know what you’re going to get, is my point.

I didn’t realise politics was ‘non girly’. Someone better tell the prime minister! 😂

Marvellousmadness · 09/09/2022 14:34

I once read a study that says that if you have 2 kids from the same gender the chances of javing a 3rd of the same gender is like 70 procent. And when you have 3 of the same gender the chances are like 5% of getting a kid of the opposite gender

The whole gender thing is a joke. You only want a kid in the opposite gender as you firmly believe that kids with a certain genitallia will act and BE a certain way
that is an outdated and rediculous idea.

And last but not least: the increase of all costs....

Its a no from me

whumpthereitis · 09/09/2022 14:33

cultkid · 09/09/2022 14:17

Have a fourth

I have three my third was a girl and I was over joyed to have her

Change cars and remember that all children are a gift xxx

If that is true then much like other gifts, some you appreciate, and others you hope to fuck the giver has included the receipt with.

RealBecca · 09/09/2022 14:33

I wouldn't. Because dh doesnt WANT no4. Being persuaded isnt the same as being all in and excited.

Whybot · 09/09/2022 14:31

Think the chance of having another of same sex after 3 same sex kids is higher than 70% ,
worth looking it up ?
I wouldn’t do it.

whumpthereitis · 09/09/2022 14:29

It’s not just your longing that needs to be considered though, it’s the impact it would have on the rest of your family. Are the kids you already have going to lose out? If your family becomes less supportive in terms of childcare, are you going to struggle? In the midst of the economic shitshow that’s going to get worse, are you going to be able to afford it? Can you afford childcare if you need to go back to work full time, and your family aren’t willing to provide it?

I do think there’s too much faith out into the notion that listening to your heart over your head is the way to go, when in fact listening to your heart can indeed fuck you, and those around you, over. Hard. Sometimes, despite what you may want, you have to choose your head.

RandomMusings7 · 09/09/2022 14:25

Tabbouleh · 09/09/2022 14:19

All children are certainly not a gift. Such mawkish nonsense.

Agreed! It's utopian narrowmindedness.

Parenthood can be both a blessing and a curse and there is most definitely such a thing as too many kids

Bloatstoat · 09/09/2022 14:25

I am lucky enough to have three children, I would have loved four but I was nearly 40 when I had the youngest, complicated pregnancy with repercussions for my health - the consultant I saw strongly advised against another pregnancy. I understand the wanting to do it OP, in a way it was easier for me as I didn't have to make the choice myself not to.

Fivemoreminutesinbed · 09/09/2022 14:24

cultkid · 09/09/2022 14:17

Have a fourth

I have three my third was a girl and I was over joyed to have her

Change cars and remember that all children are a gift xxx

Not always.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/09/2022 14:20

How on earth is anyone on here supposed to advise you? Confused It's entirely your choice.

Tabbouleh · 09/09/2022 14:19

All children are certainly not a gift. Such mawkish nonsense.

pictish · 09/09/2022 14:18

God. No.

I have three, all teens and twenties now. I heard a saying the other day, might have been on here; “Once you have three, you’ve got fifteen.”

Couldn’t agree more. Just don’t it to yourselves.

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