Crying when I'm around people too long... what is wrong with me?

I'm like this. I look forward to meeting people but after about 3 hours, my social battery just dies and I want to go home. I always stay to be polite but once I'm at home I like quiet time and even the next day I need more quiet time to recharge. I'm very introverted and highly sensitive.

this is exacty how i feel. when i meet a lot of people for a few hours once i come back home i cry for some time because of the feeling of pretense as if i acted being all good chirpy and happy. once i am back home and alone i cry. has happened a lot of times and when i share this with friends they all laugh it off by saying u r such an extrovert how can u even feel this

Interesting thread.

One of my daughters has a similar issue to a lesser extent and I never gave it huge thought before recently.

She is highly competitive, focused, sporty and has a large circle of friends.

However she is very protective of her space, alone time.

She loves to listen to music and is a voracious reader.

She meets friends regularly, but has enough of them after a few hours and will come home happily.

She told me recently that she really enjoys her own company and is at the happiest in it.

Her teachers have always spoken very highly of her, but she has a tendency to push herself too hard so I tend to have to talk her down.

I have just ordered "How do I not know this" which is very well reviewed.

I just asked her would she ever feel like crying after being in company and she answered No because she would be long gone before she felt like that!

Thanks for posting OP.
This has been very helpful for me!

You sound very hard on yourself.
Would you go for a walk to take some space and time out?

It sounds like you are not alone.

I think she gets it from me. I love my space and have always ruthlessly guarded it.

Any tips or reading recommendations anyone?

This sounds hormonal perhaps? It's like homesickness. I also got it after the birth of my children, especially DS2. It's a horrible feeling.

Perhaps it means there's something bothering you that you want to talk about?

I was always very sociable and worked in a public facing job, I enjoyed interacting with people at work. I am in my 70s now and sometimes meet friends for coffee, I find if meeting more than one person I don't enjoy it at all not to the point that I feel like crying, but just can't be bothered. However I have joined a shared reading group and I love it, usually 6 or 7 people, I think it is because we are discussing things I am interested in, and when I meet friends/excolleagues, they tend to gossip, or talk about things I am not really into.

To me, you sound deeply lonely. Nothing is as lonely as being with a group you feel no connection to.

Like you might be the sort of person who needs to be hanging out with artist types in coffee houses but you’ve fohnd yourself surrounded by bankers in pubs.

Or maybe you’re depressed and it’s triggering being around happy people 🤷‍♀️

Hope things get better for you soon xx

I stopped drinking alcohol 5 months ago and I could have written your post myself. I think the booze masked my introvert tendencies! I need so much time alone it's shocking!

The only people I can be around for more than a few hours are my mum and my kids. Everyone else makes me want to curl up in a ball and block all my senses off. It's got worse since a significant bereavement a year ago but I've always craved solitude. People think I'm a miserable grumpy old cow and a recluse and I realise they'll stop inviting me at some point, at which point I'll probably regret it!!

I hear you OP. I would describe myself as a high-functioning introvert. Everyone thinks I'm extremely sociable and I love being with people – but only for a limited time. It completely drains me (yes, to the point of inexplicable tears) and especially if I'm in a group, even family and close friends. I need a LOT of alone time, and silence, to regroup and recharge. I have learned to pace my week/interactions so I'm not in 'social deficit' because it wipes me out. It's probably exacerbated by hormones/peri-menopause, and has made lockdowns (and even school holidays) really hard. On our summer holiday with friends this year I actually burst into tears over a really nice dinner on about day 10 for absolutely no reason, completely unable to explain that I had just reached the point of overwhelm with human contact without it sounding personal! DH, on the other hand, is an anti-social extrovert, so doesn't get it at all.

I think Elaine Aron covers this in Highly Sensitive People. You’re overloaded by social interaction. It happens quickly to HSPs. You need time alone to recover. It’s just who you are.

I don’t actually cry but maybe that is because I don’t stay around others for long enough (late diagnosed autistic and very protective of my alone/staying at home with family time)

I prefer 30 mins social time but do up to 1 hr 30 for the right people - and I can really enjoy that. 1-1 is better though, groups are more draining.

One of my DD’s is also autistic. She is very social and likes to be around friends. But might also get tearful afterwards and need to be alone, as it’s just overwhelming to have been masking for that long and keeping up with conversations etc.

I do this sometimes but I'm an introverted highly sensitive autistic woman who gets PMT 🤣

I get you OP - i don't cry, but i do get to a point where i am internally telling everyone to fuck off. I tend to try and bury myself in my kindle, but sometimes my face may betray me! I find this is worse since being in peri-meno, where I appear to have far less tolerance to stupid people, and it does depend on the situation to an extent. My DP keeps telling me "you hate people" - but it's not that. I just think i've run out of steam with constantly pandering to other peoples wants and needs, and now i just want to be left alone

I can relate. As others have said, you’re probably just an introvert. I don’t dislike people. On the contrary, there are plenty of kind, good, lovely people out there. But I need a lot of alone time.

It isn’t just social interaction that exhausts and stresses me, however. Noise, traffic, even housing estates, can really affect me. Deep down, I crave silence and space. Heaven, for me, would be a silent, empty field on a cool, sunny morning. If I go in a coffee shop or art gallery and it’s empty, I feel a rush of happiness. If it’s busy or noisy, I usually have to leave. Like I said, it’s not a hatred of people. One to one I’d probably like most of the people in that coffee shop. But I need silence and space. I literally need them, like food and oxygen.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that my hatred of noise and crowds intensifies during the summer. When it’s hot, I can’t be near people or busy towns. Twice during that heatwave I ended up in tears. I got so overwhelmed by the heat and noise and traffic that I felt close to a breakdown.

We simply weren’t meant to live the way we do. There are just too many people. Right now, my local woods are being hacked into to build 200 new houses. There are 300 more houses being built at the other end of the village. It never ends. No matter how many houses we build there is always a demand for more. The roads seem to get busier every day, and 24/7 I can hear the screeching and popping of some idiots modified car. Modern Britain is hell for introverts.

That's an extreme reaction

Would therapy be something you'd consider?

I have a similar feeling when I am with people where I feel like I can't be my full self or I need to people please.

It's alienating and exhausting to be putting on an act all the time to fit in with a group. Do you think that could be part of the problem? Or are you usually fine with these people?

Very good post.

I get this.

I'm an extrovert & need & enjoy being around people. But I'm very chatty & really want to hear about everyone & what's going on, and after a while, it drains me completely. I then often feel quite emotional, maybe not to the extent that you describe but similar.

The other part is that I've a lot going on in my life & little support with it. I'm ok about that largely, and don't want to talk about it really eg at family catch ups. But there then does feel like an air of pretence around my outwardly happy, engaged exterior, even though I'm not intentionally acting.

Two things potentially affect me when I’m around people. The first is introversion, and the effect of that is that I get tired from being around people after a certain point in time, even if I’ve been having a great time. The second is low self-esteem. That can make me feel really negative and teary, something that builds the longer I’m in the situation.

The two are distinct. The introversion is a constant, but whether being around other people is likely to bring on an attack of self-loathing very much depends on mood and what else is going on in my life. It’s a lot less common than when I was younger thankfully.

I'm like this. I was diagnosed with asd when I was 50 and it was a light bulb moment. I now make sure I get time out alone to recharge.

Social introvert 👋🏼 I get this. I need my downtime and a week away with my lovely family is just too much. Also have family who are extraverts who just don’t get it.

For example I might take my sunbed and my book to a quieter part of the villa we’re all staying in and they bloody follow me saying ‘oooh you’ve found a great spot’ they will then proceed to talk to me when I’m trying to get some downtime and get into my book ugh 😩

I'm an introvert but yeah, even to me that's quite extreme. I wonder if cbt would help.

Is it particularly the case since lockdown? I think a lot of people feel more easily overwhelmed by being around groups of people or too many people since then.

That sounds really difficult