To be so annoyed this kid didn’t say thank you.

He behaved badly in more than one way. I would not take him out again and he wouldn’t be invited over. He sounds very unpleasant.

Lack of manners is one thing. Rudeness to adults that you have described is another thing entirely.

Yes this! What was going through your head when you decided the school bully should now be mates with your ds? Trying to buy ds some safety perhaps???

If you had an issue with every child who forgot to say "thank you" when leaving the car, your child would have no friends

And your only issue is that he didn't say thank you?

I would assume it wasn't reinforced in him to say thank you so that's down to his parents. You said his mum has ur number and also hasn't even msgd to say thanks so clearly there's your answer. I wouldn't take him him to anywhere expensive again I hate rudeness. Even though it's probably not his fault more his upbringing.

Agree it’s annoying but everything you’ve said suggests that he hasn’t been brought up to know any better and I do feel a bit sorry for him. If you think he’s likely to be a bad influence on your son or get him into trouble, though, then of course you don’t have to take him out again.

Being blunt you’ve taken your sons bully on a playdate and are now shocked at his manners? Never ever take him anywhere again, explain to your son that if someone is an arsehole it doesn’t matter if they start being nice to you they are still an arsehole.

Kids take people for granted. They're kids.

Even adults forget their manners sometimes. Bad day .... stressed etc.

Have you never done anything rude?

He's not been taught. I think you're being a bit naive expecting him to be perfect Peter with you when you know what he's like.

the fact that your son used to be scared of him would have him on my banned list tbh. I absolutely would not be entertaining a child who scared my kid at any point. At 12 I knew to say “thank you for having me”.

Well his rudeness and lack of manners would definitely make me discourage my ds from hanging out with him. Now you know why other parents are doing the same. There's probably bad behavior linked to him too.

I don’t think it would bother me to be honest.

I've had this plenty of times over the years. Never get a thank you from the parents either - I'd only want a quick text.

I don't hold it against the kids - esp when dropped back and say I'll just see you in, make sure Mum's home etc. Then it's a no don't worry she's out, I've got a key!

Righty ho then!

I'll send pics if have taken of both kids, nope not a dicky bird.

Can't do anything about it really.

Yes I think you can tell him your expectations of polite behaviour e.g. also not to backchat the staff because it's rude. Just in a matter of fact way.

I would have called after him, "can I get a thank you!?"

Lack of manners annoys me too.

However I assume he learnt it from his parents. As even at 12 if I had the contact details for the parents I would absolutely message say Thankyou for taking them and I hope they were polite/well behaved etc.

If I didn't have the details I'd be saying to my own child, 'did you say Thankyou' and ensuring they knew they needed to.

I would be very upfront but that's the teacher in me.
"I hope you have had a good day with Fred. You need to say thank you now." Then a teacher look until he does.

My DD once had a friend round. I said the same, always had a thank you after that.

I would feel exactly the same! I gave each child in my class a present at the end of the year and 4/30 said thank you 😳 Bad manners drive me insane. Most children with poor manners have never had them modelled to them by their parents and it sounds like this is the case with the boy as his parents never thanked you either. It would be a shame for you to end your son's friendship with him over this though if your son is fond of him. Just keep giving him a big YOU'RE WELCOME until he learns to thank you.

It takes a village. You could have gently pointed out to him that the right thing to do is to say thank you.
Y'know, as opposed to seethe and start a thread about it on here ...

If he was a generally well behaved and nice child I think just forgetting to say thank you isn’t s big deal in itself. The other behaviour sounds rude and annoying though so for those reasons I wouldn’t take him out again not just because of a lack of thank you,

Adhd kids often have adhd parents

I know it's quite MN to say SEN, but my son who is 11 has adhd and ASC and can be spectacularly rude in the way you described. His best friend is undiagnosed but I'd say ASC too. He's very rude. I'd never tell his mum as she'd be mortified. Last time he came over he said. Oh not that again. Why do you always feed me that? (Hes 10). He's quite fussy so it was nuggets and chips which I know he eats.
He also doesn't come off things when I ask. I do tell him off a little.
It's not usual for children to be non-compliant unless other things going on. Spoilt behaviour is completely different. I wouldn't throw this one on the scrap heap if he's a good friend to your boy.
Also adhd children are much younger behaving than children of same age in these kind of areas.

Yeah, this child has been raised poorly and then isolated and excluded because of it. So he’s had no positive role models to know to say thank you and such. So I wouldn’t hold it against him.

My DS at 12 would have thanked you for the lift reflexively (from years of constant drilling) and would have additionally thanked you for the day out as I would have said that morning "Make sure you say a very loud thank you to X's Mum for taking you out - it is really important". But without such drilling, and prompts, (and years of modelling behaviour) I'm not sure a 12 year old would be self-aware enough to do so.

The fact his parents haven't messaged you to thank you for the day out and express how much the boy enjoyed himself says all you need to know.

So no, I would not hold it against the boy, its not his fault he's been raised that way.