To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Dh likes to do a food shop with me occasionally, but I'd rather he didn't tbh. Years of doing it all by myself means I can't get used to having someone else around me putting me off my stride! Luckily it's only now and again.

I think most of us have known a couple though who seem joined at the hip.

The wife who always finds a reason to turn up at the husband's Office party, even though partners aren't included.

The husband hanging around the bras and knickers in M&S because it wouldn't occur to him or his wife that he could go off and do something else for 20 minutes.

The wife who never goes for impromptu after work drinks because Denis always collects her in the car at 5.30.

The husband who can't go to his nephew's engagement party because they can't get a babysitter and it wouldn't be fair on Christine if he went on his own.

One out of the above might be OK, but added together it does seem a bit claustrophobic and Co dependent.

DH and I more or less are too as we both WFH most of the time.

But we have separate hobbies, can go shopping on our own, and if we go out for a walk together, are capable of walking single file to let people by.

:) proving the OP's point rather...

The problem is, no one, including the op can actually see the whole of other people’s relationships. They may see that person out with their other half often but not see them when they go to the shop on their own, walk the dog on their own and go out for an evening to do their specialist hobby on their own, or while they’re at home on their own when their partner has gone out with his old uni mates.
There probably are a few codependent relationships around but I’ll bet they’re a lot rarer than the implication.

Ok I'll read the thread...but DW wants to go shopping and its really long so I'll do it later.

We both do school stuff because we both want to be there and dont want to miss out. Why shouldn't we? Not everything is a chaos that needs to be juggled.

Parties we sometimes go together but mainly because we are friends with lots of couples with kids. We both socialise then rather than hide away chatting to each other. We quite often go out before or after so why would someone sit in the car?

You must have a bigger school entrance than many of us
Dropped off at school gate, which is a single normal gate on a quiet residential street. Even staggered, two parents for every child family plus the small kids would be chaos. At pick up, you walk down to classrooms. 60 adults plus smalls gathered around each door would be ridiculous to the point that its a rule that only one adult goes down and no older sibs.

Its fine if only YOU do it, but if everyone did it it wouldn't work.

Based on this thread, maybe you just need to be sure you're actually welcome

You have completely missed the point @SurreyHillsinspring. What you are describing is a normal, functional relationship, which is not what the OP was talking about.

Sigh.

Because its fun being out with your partner especially if you laugh together alot having the same sense of humour. My partner works really long hours so we do spend most free time together.I even go for meals with her mates,mostly divorced ,it's always a good nite out.DW doesn't mix with mine because cards and beer doesn't appeal to her .As you get older you start to think as a man how long have you got so spending time together alot is so important.

There are always posters who will seize on one line in an opening post, quote it out of context and totally ignore the rest of the post just to make their point.
Or ones who will come on whining about their own very specific, not typical, circumstances to try and make the OP look like a big bad meanie.
It was going on years ago when I first started posting on MN and hasn't changed.

From verywellmind website

Codependent relationships are thus constructed around an inequity of power that promotes the needs of the taker, leaving the giver to keep on giving often at the sacrifice of themselves. According to Dr. Mayfield and Dr. Exelbert, signs of codependency might include some, but not necessarily all, the following:

A sense of “walking on eggshells” to avoid conflict with the other person.
Feeling the need to check in with the other person and/or ask permission to do daily tasks.

Often being the one who apologizes—even if you have done nothing wrong.

Feeling sorry for the other person even when they hurt you.

Regularly trying to change or rescue troubled, addicted, or under-functioning people whose problems go beyond one person's ability to fix them.

Doing anything for the other person, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Putting the other person on a pedestal despite the fact that they don’t merit this position.

A need for other people to like you in order to feel good about yourself.

Struggling to find any time for yourself, especially if your free time consistently goes to the other person.

Feeling as if you’ve lost a sense of yourself or within the relationship.

Co-dependency is not ONLY characterised by spending a lot of time together. Couples CAN spend time together and not be co-dependent. Spending your time with/on your partner is on the list but it is more than that one thing. Couples can spend little time together and be co-dependent. This conversation could be a lot more interesting and informative than just throwing insults around.

The MN uniform should be a tshirt with " My husband is my best friend" emblazoned in caps. It is obvious the OP is not talking about that. As for accusing her of being bitter and jealous.... so very smug married straight out of Bridget Jones!

I always wonder, for the couples who hate doing things alone, how they are going to cope when one of them dies. Morbid perhaps but I couldn't stand being so dependent on someone that I would struggle to do anything by myself.

So many posters immediately leaping to the defensive and accusing the OP of being jealous and bitter because their reading comprehension skills are lacking.

It is completely obvious that she is talking about couples who have a complete inability to do anything independently of each other. Some of her examples could have been better, but it is still pretty clear to me and many other posters what she is talking about - unhealthy co-dependent relationships, not couples who simply enjoy being with each other.

But that's not what the OP was talking about.

She was talking about couples who literally can't do anything separately.

Girls meet up - partner has to come too
Shopping during pandemic - ooh no, we have to both go and take up a space
Family celebration- We can't get a babysitter so we'll both have to miss it

etc etc etc

It’s sinister….

It is nice, don’t worry.

Do agree it’s a balance, but these type of co-dependent relationships are bloody annoying and wearing on friendships. They don’t seem to have much insight it seems.
Your example of siblings being bored and disruptive just so both parents can hear ‘first hand ‘ about how DC no 3 or 4 is getting on at primary school shows even the children have to suffer them.

My partner is my best friend. I love spending time with him, in fact we've spent practically every day together for 13 years almost. We don't go absolutely everywhere together and enjoy our alone time but go places together as much as possible.

Here parents aren't allowed in the classroom apart from the very first day of the first year of primary. Kids are expected to look after their own belongings. Parents drop off at clsssroom for first year and gate at later years. Can't see an issue with parents enjoying a walk up and back from school together. It's nice exercise and a time to chat.

Presumably they were out in town generally tho not specifically left the house just to buy tampons.

Precisely. Also, what's wrong with her husband seeing her buy tampons? I think it's great that periods are becoming less of a taboo topic!

God this is a weird one.

Me and DH walk DC to school each morning… then we walk home together and chat, go back to work in our offices (WFH 100% him, 3 days a week me) & then in the afternoon we ‘meet’ back up downstairs and go and collect DC. We all walk home together discussing our day.

i thought it was… nice?

When my DCs were in primary school, parents were allowed in the classroom at drop off. Can you imagine 30 odd children, each with 2 parents and numerous siblings, trying to hang coats up and put book bags away. It was chaotic enough with generally 1 parent per child. It would have been absolute carnage with both parents there every morning.