To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Op I know you from other threads (I am also a single mum)

You had an utter shite for a husband who is now an utter shite for an ex husband.

Does it occur to you that your relationship experience may just be impacting your view on this view just a teeny tiny bit?

This is a discussion forum. People come on here to anonymously discuss and ponder all kinds of things that puzzle or annoy them?

Do you go on numerous threads a day asking the OP why the topic of their thread bothers them?

Live and let live I suppose. But I find it pretty soppy.

I don't believe anyone here is upset, just commenting that it's unusual.

It can impact on other people though, as has been explained by several PPs.

Its an internet forum. People can ponder all sorts. I'm another thread were pondering hope people learnt sex made babies

That's what you got from my post? Lol..

But why does it upset the OP (and others so much)?

Each to their own, I say. Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t make it wrong.

Once again, this thread is not about couples who like to do things together. That's normal.

It's about couples who can't do anything apart.

@jewishmum

We are a couple not a single.

"We are not single" is correct, you're married / LTR etc.

But you ARE two singular people, individuals with separate thoughts abd emotions. Trying to act like you're one homologous entity is just creepy

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER my aunt gave up a job she had that she absolutely loved because my uncle didn't like her not being there when he got home from work. I think the incredulous expression on my face might have given away my thoughts on that.

Is that directed at me?

@Womblingforfree , talking of controlling husbands, it was ages ago now but I still remember a woman taking out a few audio books at the library where I worked. She was maybe 60, and the friend with her asked why she was taking all audio books, and no ‘proper’ books.

In an apologetic, self-deprecating tone she replied, ‘He doesn’t like me reading.’

Needless to add I was dying to say, ‘Tell the selfish, controlling old bastard to fuck off!!’
I’m still appalled, just thinking of it.

Tbf i liked it

Nice comment. What a valuable addition to the thread. Thank you

I usedvto be very irritated when a close friend's boyfriend used to always show up when we arranged to meet. We couldn't even have a cup of coffee together without him coming along.

He turned out to be a very controlling person, who even lied about having cancer to stop her breaking up with him.

She eventually moved miles away to get him out of her life. He still, several years later, found out she was getting married and rang her the night before to try and change her mind.

Ever since then I hear alarm bells when someone's partner barely let's them out of their sight. That's not love.

It’s not about love. A healthy loving relationship doesn’t mean you can’t be away from them.in fact it’s the opposite. Do you bring him along automatically when you meet up with girlfriends, siblings?

I felt like this also when I was married...quite happily went out for days with the kids on my own, and / or met up with friends. Now divorced & happily with a new partner, and I'm one of those you describe that like to do things together. The difference is I want to be with him most of the time, as we actually enjoy each other's company!

Well it’s pretty annoying thinking you’re meeting a girlfriend for a drink and they arrive with their partner. Who you don’t know/ like even. It’s a form of codependency. Families trailing round supermarket aisles with all the kids? Meeting with your two siblings to discuss your parents and one sibling always brings partner/ spouse? There is more than one type of family . Co dependency may look like a loving successful relationship but it has its problems. It’s not healthy if you feel the need to be always with your spouse and the habit of bringing spouse to a friendship hang out without checking is just rude and completely changes the dynamic.

I remember the parent info days where two parents would show up, even after the letter specifically said one parent due to lack of space. It's the same parents who double parked the car outside the school gates so that BOTH of them could walk in with the child. One of the parents was a lecturer and the other said she used to go and sit in his lectures just to see him. All sounded very unhealthy.

We love to do things together but I think if he turned up when I was out with a friend I would be very annoyed.

I was once in a relationship with a very controlling person. He insisted we had to go everywhere together. He would even hide the car keys so I couldn't go anywhere without him if he had to work at the weekend. If I was late home from work he would be standing outside waiting for me.
Friends & family thought it was 'lovely' & showed he cared.

Schools also take note of parents who are always together as unfortunately it isn't always because they love spending time together. On more than one occasion it has been because of a controlling issue.

Not wanting to be negative as 99% of 'always together' couples is by mutual choice...but I was one in the 1%. Thank goodness I escaped 30 years ago.

I posted earlier about the couples who sit together all the time. So on a night out with old friends they’ll sit next to each other, and even with family. Bil and sil will not be parted in a family meet up. Also bil will not visit his family alone; even at mil’s deathbed sil was right in there, whispering to bil and leaving dh standing there like a spare part. Dh was really hurt.

I find it hard to believe that a couple who constantly behave like this are secure people confident in the solidity of their relationship.

There may be rare exceptions, but they are rare.

I would say all of those examples added together are claustrophobic.

I've known two people in real life who got into relationships like this and in each case the partner was controlling and abusive. Both of those relationships have ended now, thankfully, but both women lost friendships as a result. I know that's not always the case, but it has been in the examples I've seen.

That is the joke I believe

Arbesque

‘Seem’