To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

You sound a bit jealous that sone people actually enjoy their partner's company

Because "we like each other!" is boring, lazy and insulting. Most people on jere like and love their partner and generally, with ot being anonymous, people are v honest when they don't.
You don't love your DP more than mine because you have to hold hands whenever out the house, or always to to each others nights out etc.

@HundredMilesAnHour 😂 why are you such a hater of people who like their partners? “Co-dependent” because they enjoy their partner’s company?
you and your partner must get on like a house on fire I imagine, given how much bitterness you feel the need to project 😂

I don't love my husband less than you because i shop alone, go on holiday without him, enjoy the movies without him. What a ridiculous leap.
Its like all the posters doing the "well i guess I'm just super rare because i love my husband and like him unlike you lot!"

But i will have friends there to support me. If the worst happened I'd have a strong network not just for me but the kids too, and in forty whatever years, it'll be the same people in my network. I'll know how to do all the stuff needed to run a house because I've not relied upon him to be half of me. I'll be able to continue going out alone because it's normal. And vice versa.

With some couples its habit....we lived in France and so many of the expat community do everything together and thats fine I guess if its what you like. My DH and I have always enjoyed some free time for our own interests or friends, that works for us, plus I would never go shopping with him, that would be misery. I do have two friends though whose husbands insist they do everything together, its not the choice of the wives...and its rather controlling....but clearly, they are controlled and not able to break away and get some time on their own.

No, of course not, you're being silly there. FWIW I go out separately from my partner and he without me (I posted at the outset) but we do lots of other things together e.g. shopping or school run.

My point was worrying about future grief is pointless. You just have to enjoy your life while living it and deal with the future when it gets here. You can't insulate yourself from grief without insulating yourself from love, IMO. However many times I go out on my own, I am still going to be grief-stricken if my DH dies first. My feeling is I would be even more upset if I had not made the most of teh time we do have together, so I like to make the most of it.

Bloody hell, so anyone who's husband doesn't follow them around to women's meet ups is not truly open to love?

Where do you people get this shit? 😂

It's not about reducing how much you'll care when he dies (what a frankly bizarre thing to say), it's about being capable of doing basic life tasks and having a support network around you.

@carefullycourageous you are completely right, that’s the only attitude to have. I saw that when my Dad died. You can’t live your life trying to insulate yourself from grief by not opening yourself truly to love.

Well yes, I am going to be grief-stricken, I expect.

Should I try to enjoy my DH's company less, and spend less time with him, in order to reduce the amount I will care if he dies first?

It would be very self-defeating to love someone less just to avoid the sadness of losing that love. It is better to enjoy the love and then process the grief afterwards, and come through it.

Going on school runs or shopping together is one thing and I don't suppose many people would think more than once about it. DPs turning up at all female nights out and book groups etc is not on. We might smile and 'be kind' about it but most of us will be put out by it.

We tried to bath together back in the day but it's not as romantic as they portray, ditto showering together 😂

If you were genuinely trying to be nice you would have listened to me, instead of coming back with this ^

You often keep each other company in the bath? WTF? Talk about unhealthily enmeshed.

Well yes but so is anyone who is happily married. I travelled the world alone for 5 years and enjoyed it but I enjoy my DH's company these days and will happily make the most of it while I can.

@mattressspring apologies for trying to write a nice , supportive post. I won’t bother again. Please feel free to carry on taking everything as a personal attack.

I suspect most happily married people will have a tough time when that happens. Fortunately most people carry on. Perhaps at the time they'll look back happily on time spent with their partner.

I don’t think that anyone is saying that there is anything wrong with one spouse supporting the other if they have genuine reasons to do so.

OP and every single person agreeing with OP is doing just that. They don't know why DH has come with me, do they? So they are judging us on 'always being together'

The post is referring to people who have no issues at all, but do absolutely everything with their DP for no reason other than they want to. And lots of us have friends or relations who behave like this so we know that there are no reasons they need support.

But again, OP doesn't know by looking at people why they are not alone.

If having your DH with you to do things helps and might build your confidence, that’s great and I wish you the very best of luck.

I'm autistic. Sometimes I need support. It's a bit more then needing to 'build confidence', I don't need luck, I am disabled and I sometimes need support - that won't change.

Please don’t take the comments on this thread personally as they aren’t aimed at people who genuinely need support.

They may well not be, but lets be real here, nobody really knows why someone has their husband along with them every school run or kids party. Maybe if people just got on with their day instead of finding fault in others they would have a better day.

Those people who the OP describes are possibly going to face a very difficult time in later life (or at least one of them) when one of them dies.

@mattressspring I don’t think that anyone is saying that there is anything wrong with one spouse supporting the other if they have genuine reasons to do so.

The post is referring to people who have no issues at all, but do absolutely everything with their DP for no reason other than they want to. And lots of us have friends or relations who behave like this so we know that there are no reasons they need support.

If having your DH with you to do things helps and might build your confidence, that’s great and I wish you the very best of luck. Please don’t take the comments on this thread personally as they aren’t aimed at people who genuinely need support.

Ok, that was me. I just raised it as a possibility, didn't want to get into a feminist debate. I don't disagree that support, if needed, should come from another woman. It's probable that she didn't need support. I just mentioned it because the default seems to be that we are negatively judging woman as the 'go to' response to having their husband with them. Sometimes there is a valid reason and maybe I'm just a tad sensitive that OP and all the agreers would judge me for having DH alongside me on the school run when I wouldn't have been able to do it without him. He could of course do it alone, but the idea that I should stay at home rather then getting on with my day, albeit with support, leaves a bitter taste.

So yeah, I'm almost certainly wrong about the book club situation, but it was driven by the passing judgement that arrived on the thread prior.

It’s normal and fun to do things together, but all the time and without any insight or common sense is unhealthy and antisocial.
For the PP tagging along to (every) female friends night, please stop going, however much fun you you’re having, you are overstepping other people’s boundaries.

If a woman needs support at a women's book club, that support should come from another woman.

To those defending the woman taking her DH to a WOMANS book club, suggesting she may have needed support. What about the other members of the book club? Maybe they had left abusive relationships? Maybe they had been assaulted by a man? Maybe they weren’t comfortable around a strange man for numerous reasons.

Why on earth should the woman who cannot be parted from her DH be allowed to impose him on a group of women?

OP has actually taken the time to explain some ways in which it does impact her, right there in the OP.

Not sure about unreasonable but you certainly need to worry far less about how other people live their lives, why do you care really? I can totally understand both parents wanting to be part of their Childs lives, most of us are unable to even if we wanted to. Families are diverse and there is nothing wrong with what you doing either but it does come across a bit spiteful, sorry.