To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

I never get this. My husband is my best friend and partner, he is the person I want to spend most time with. We both work full time so weekends are family time, where we do stuff together as a family.

we also go to parents evening together, didn’t realise there was anything wrong with that?

I don’t get all this ‘cringing for them’ because a couple are doing things together.

why can’t a couple go shopping? What’s so cringey about that? Maybe people like to do it together so they have equal input into what they’re going to be eating.

It's ridiculous.

Shows they are insecure either in themselves, in their partner, or both. Like they want to keep an eye on the other at all times, or don't like to make decisions by themselves, or want to drag the other out for the sake of it.

Or perhaps it is a fear of missing out. All equally rather pathetic reasons.

There is absolutely no reason at all for both people to go to everything.

Because most people like their partners and want to spend time with them

It's not a case of not being able to do things alone but some of your list is baffling

Why would one parent go for dinner and leave the other at home with the kids?

I find this weird too. The other day there were two parents waiting to collect 1 DC from swimming lessons. Each parent was holding an end of the towel to wrap her up in 😂 they took up the whole corridor. We take it in turns and every other week is enough for me.

whole family school runs etc also weird. Both parents plus siblings at parties seems normal here- One of us would stay at home with the (uninvited!!) children.

I don't make plans with friends at the weekend because it's my time with my partner.

I don't see him all week and sometimes for months.

Why do you care?

Dh works full time and I work part time shifts around his work schedule because we don't have/can't afford childcare. Most of the time we are like ships in the night. When we do have time together or time as a family you better believe we are spending it together even if that means food shopping or school pick up 😂

We wouldn't do a children's birthday party as a family though (unless it was a relative and we were all expected to be there) and neither of us would gatecrash the others meet ups with friends.

It's not that we can't do things separately, dh works weekends so the dc's wouldn't get to do much if I didn't take them out on my own. And we have our own social lives, hobbies and are capable of of running errands without holding each others hands. It's just that, because time together is scarce, we try to do things together when we can.

Also I noticed the same thing happen at the reception information evening I went to recently. I left the dc's at home with dh while I went because it didn't occur to me that you would bring dc's to something like that. But loads of parents brought dc's and it was very disruptive tbh.

it is probably noticeable to have two parents whose work schedule allows them both to be free mid afternoon.

I have done the school pick up for my sister a few times and the only couples I see are retired grandparents. Over the years I have never seen a working age couple together at pick up

I’m part of a couple that generally does things together, but that doesn’t mean always… E.g. DH (retired) meets up with old workmates several times a year while I’m at work, and I go out with workmates and friends without him. If we’re visiting families (both mine and his) we tend to go together because we get on with all family members and enjoy their company.
I wonder why this irritates the OP? Is there possibly a hint of jealousy there?

wee we'd would
Mumsnet auto correct t is the best!

We always used to go together for school pick up/drop off when at primary and it was walking distance. It was nice for DCs to have us both there and wee we'd would have a chat on the way. Didn't realise we shouldn't!

My brother and sister in law are like this. I think it's because she doesn't trust him.

Those things are hardly enjoyable activities for the whole family though - they're chores. Trip to the zoo or the farm park? A fun family activity. Dropping your child at school or doing the weekly shop? Who honestly WANTS to do that?

but just because you choose to go to shops with your partner does not in any way mean you can't go on your own if needed/you want to?

one or other of us often goes on way home from work. But if both home together then we'd probably both go together, assuming no one had anything else they'd rather do (go to gym next to Aldi for example so one gyms/one shops, gets us both out of the house and some fresh air)

Do you know anyone who actually waits for their partner before they go and get some milk?

I'm sorry you find DH and me such inadequate humans 😂We meet many of your criteria. I don't think we're weirdos; have a glimpse into our world and see what you make to it ☺️

Kids parties are really dull on your own, especially when conversation runs dry with the other parents. Those parties in Reception were loooong. And very, very regular.

We do pick up on the way home from work. It would feel really odd for one of us to sit in the car and gaze out of the window/at the phone whilst the other went to pick her up (in Y3/4 we still have to go over to where their classrooms are to get them rather than wait in the car park for them to come to us).

During term time, we generally go to the supermarket before we go and pick her up from a sports match on Saturday mornings. We both want to see her play a bit (but not necessarily the whole match, see above re other parents and parties). During the holidays I suppose it's just habit to go together and DD enjoys ticking things off the list. To be honest I'd never really thought about it.

We went together to the Reception info evening because we were both really excited about her starting school - it seemed a huge step and we wanted to soak it all in. We're over that one now 😂.

I don't think we would ever say we refuse other plans, but we do prioritise family time. During the week we only see her for a couple of hours max in the evenings as she has to be in school by 0810 and goes to after school club so we can work. We don't usually pick her up until 1745, she's in bed at 1930 and has to have dinner and do music practice in that time.

I wouldn't have commented that you were amazing for taking your kids out and I wouldn't show up at DH's function (unless it was joint friends or something).

We're only ever invited to family things as a family, so that means all three of us. That might be influenced by the fact that neither DH nor I have much in the way of extended family, so it's mostly the GPs plus us.

I guess we might look very insular to you as you'd see us together a lot. It's not that we can't do anything apart it's governed more by convenience and our particular circumstances.

I don't hate the other school parents by the way, they are nice people and I am quite friendly with some of them. We don't have a huge amount in common with them besides school though, and there's only so many times I can discuss whether Miss Jones is more strict than Mr Brown!!

I have mental health problems that mean I struggle to do stuff alone my husband coming with me means I don't miss out on things for my children like taking them to school, he does take them to parties alone though as we have more than 1 child and siblings wouldn't be attending but just because my brain wont let me go and do the shop alone doesn't mean I don't want to do it it just means I need support. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge

It does seem like on MN that many posters struggle / are incapable of parenting on their own as evidenced by the amount of threads where mums on maternity leave insist their working husband wakes all through the night too.

I used to work With a woman who would go on business trips alone! She would only go if her husband could go to.

career limiting and just really odd.

while I understand enjoying the company of your spouse, I can’t imagine being so co dependent that I couldn’t go out with friends, travel with work or go to the shops without my other half.

the world must become quite small.

i mean you get to an age when you both wfh all week and going to the supermarket together is actually an excting way to spend your time! you can even have a coffee in the supermarket cafe as well! plus a cake if feeling decadent.

couples going to the supermarket together seems a weird thing to be annoyed about to be fair.

Pretty pathetic to always do this but I do understand the weekend family time to a degree if they wotlrk in the week. Nice to have friends round or meet too though with the children.

We're retired and although we don't do everything together we do do a lot together. Shopping together is more fun than alone, we argue over all the extras we're adding to the cart and often go for tea/coffee after.

Life’s too short. Some people want to enjoy the company of their husband/ wife all the time. just spending time with your best friend, what’s wrong with that if they both want to?
going to information evening about school - I wouldn’t expect anything other than both parents going.

Certain things I can see is annoying like both parents dropping/picking up at activities and both have to be right at entrance every time is annoying as it blocks up the entrance when it only really needs 1 to go to actual entrance and perhaps just leave the other for a few mins in the car. Or the really good one is the same family of mum,dad 2 younger siblings all having to be in the small changing room at dance every week for older sibling taking up lots of space so others can't get in.

If both together fair enough but actual handover timing only 1needs to step forward.

My other pet hate is whole families in supermarkets taking up whole aisle. 😒

But things like meals etc I can see its nice to do altogether.