To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

My dad got the hump when my DM joined University of the 3rd age...she went once! She didn't go again.. they're both late 70s..
It's control. Took me a long time (whole life) to realise he does it with everything and is a controlling twat. (I'm on the OT too!). But like lobsters or frogs is it, your boiling in the pot until it's too late.

My husband and I do a lot together with the kids but we also do things separately when one isn’t available. We prefer to be together as a family when we can though. Don’t see the issue.

I see plenty of women hanging out in the mens undies

As most of the time it's the women who do clothes shopping for everyone in their household, especially basics

I’ve seen people post about how they genuinely can’t be apart from their partner. Where they’ve been WFH and if their partner is away for more than 3-4 hours they ‘can’t cope’.

I love my DH but the idea that some people are unable to function without someone else is ridiculous.

Maybe they like each other!

DH and I have separate nights out with friends and do work things etc alone but when we’ve no plans we like being together! Doing something boring like shopping is more fun with someone who you like chatting to and who makes you laugh. As for the weekend being family time, do you work full time? Surely if you do then you will understand that the weekends are precious as there isn’t a lot of hours in the day for quality time during the week?

Same. That's actually reasonable, whereas complaining because you've decided other people have less right than you to be in the supermarket or at an event is twat territory.

@Womblingforfree you hit the nail on the head about the control aspect. That's exactly what's going on in the case of my sibling. Control and jealousy.

The supermarket thing annoys me as often the family take up loads of room & kids look really bored. Surely one parent could take them to the park instead? Obviously a single parent can't do that.

The one that drives me bonkers is M&S underwear department. So many men stood right in the way gawping at all the underwear. I would prefer to shop for underwear with no men hanging about. I was trying to look at pants yesterday & a man was stood in front of display & so I said excuse me. He moved a couple of inches & I had to ask him to move again he says 'oh I seem to be in the way' 'well it is the ladies department'. I don't understand women needing a husband to help choose pants. You never see women hanging about by the men's undies? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband and I are more of a divide and conquer couple. Kids are a lot of work, so it would drive me bonkers if he tagged along for every errand, kid party, etc. as I would think of all the things he could be getting done if we weren't together. We do the important stuff together when we can and when we are together, it's much nicer as I've missed him a bit. I don't think I'd like him half as much if we spent every second joined at the hip...we're much more interesting to each other if we spend time away as then we have more to talk about!

Got a couple of retired neighbours. The men sulk if their wives go off to an exercise class or with a girlfriend for lunch

I used to think this was sweet and for many of those occasions listed (e.g.parents eve) I think it's OK and perfectly normal to both be cheering your DC on. I go with my ex even now.
But over the years I've actually discovered that with a lot of couples who do everything together it's a lot about control. Why do you need to shop together? Occasionally or on the way back from somewhere yes..but once a week? Who is controlling the finances? How exciting is a trip to tescos/sainsbo?!?
In some cases I look back (with an educated eye from work training and life experience) and think there's a bit of cohersion and control going on there with the 'everything together' lot. A few cases all out Domestic Abuse. I had a 'toddler group' mum friend whose husband turned up to everything half way through to check she got home OK. That's not kind that's controlling. I noticed she couldn't freely spend money either (talking £2 for a cake type thing. And no not skint. He just wanted to know what she spent. Every penny. We used to giggle about it. I don't now).
In the older long term couples a lot of codependance. Older men I find are quite old fashioned and jealous (talking my DPs generation).
It isn't that sweet at all. It's terrifying and insidious.
If your DH wants to come everywhere with you then alarm bells should be ringing.
And
If you can't take your kids out on your own, man or woman then you need to start (of course not including issues such as disability of either carer or child). It should be something every parent can do health and time permiting. It's essential parenting. Other examples- people who cant log into their bank and get a partner to do money, people who expect to be driven around but don't learn to drive, people who don't know who supplies utilities etc to their home and what they cost. Independence is vital. You never know when you'll need it.

😂 yeah what dicks we are coming up with “excuses” like that, you know, we might actually love our partners ?

i Do get your point but I’ve definitely done a few of those with DH when we’ve been elsewhere and decided to pop into Tesco for example.

the scenarios I have an issue with is husbands/partners turning up on a girls night out and those who bring the whole family to A&E

Some of your examples are fine OP, imposing uninvited people on an evening is dodgy, but you undermine them thinking you have the right to decide what constitutes a valid reason for someone to be in a public space.

Thinking back, when I saw this when my DC was younger it was usually families where both parents worked f/t and their DC were in f/t nursery til 6PM every day so I can understand more the mentality of feeling that everything had to be done together as there enormous chunks of time when the DC were with neither parent.

I agree with you OP, it's weird to do everything together. Me and DH do lots of things together, but if he goes to meet his friends one night I'm happy to have a night in to myself! Sometimes we l visit our parents alone without eachother. I'd rather meet my friends without DH there so we can properly chat. I've had friends before that would bring their boyfriend along to every night out, it was so annoying. My sibling and partner have to go everywhere together, they won't even be in different rooms to eachother and I think it's unhealthy.

I think there is a happy medium. Doing everything together is weird but never doing anything together probably means you don't like eachother!

Yes but when that's not the case, it's perfectly normal and standard for both to go.

I agree with you. I have a friend with whom I have lunches, coffee etc, but her husband always wants to join us. Occasionally, fine, but it’s nice to be able to chat about things that wouldn’t interest him. Regarding children, and both parents, I used to regard it as a waste of one parent’s time. I could take them to party, library, shopping, whatever while my husband did his own thing at home or out & about. Obviously sometimes it’s lovely to do things together, but not chore type activities! Some parents never do anything separately, I wonder how they cope when the inevitable split happens (statistically a third of marriages end in divorce).

She doesn't sounds remotely jealous to me.

I've been happily married since 2007 and I agree with the OP.

Yes. Couple - wife gave up driving. Doesn't do anything by herself. The references to "we like" "we think"...

It's as if they no longer exist as individuals - from her poiht of view anyway.

I do r do EVERYTHING with DP-we have our our own friends that we see separately but generally we do most stuff together at weekends etc because we love being together I suppose

@cadburyegg I know you saw the jealousy comment as a bingo but honestly you wouldn't even notice this as a thing if you weren't at least a little jealous, it's written all over every single one of your posts.

My PiL do their grocery shopping to help each other.

Family meals - well maybe they all want to see each other. Maybe family want to see the dc? Maybe the parents have no other childcare?

Info evenings/school events - brilliant that both parents want to go. Haven't you seen all the posts about dads not being engaged in school?

Agree. We do alot together. Why? Because we enjoy each others company and weekends are mostly the only time we get to spend together. We do things separately on the odd occasion. Maybe as we are both introverts as well.

Well the party and school pick up one are easy - DH and I really like each other and we get to spend time talking to each other either DC are playing in the party, or on the way to the school pick up together. Then we get a nice cycle home together (commute by bike) with DC too. It's a way of making a nice event from a mundane task.