To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Why does everything have to be exciting? If DP and I are both free we both go to the supermarket because it makes the packing marginally easier, and then we can decide what to eat together rather than one person having to do all the thinking. If you're both available, why not?

I agree. Surely being in a good relationship is about enjoying the little things together? Or making the mundane a bit more fun by being together? I literally just the other day asked DH to walk to the shop with me because it makes the trip less boring 😄

Its a bit like a good friendship - I have friends who I only see when we plan something ‘exciting’. And I have two friends who I am much closer with and we will just do mundane crap a lot the time, because it’s more about each other’s company than the activity.

I’m sure there are people who are very co-dependent and it’s not so much about enjoying someone’s company rather than having issues and insecurities about being without them or being alone. That’s not healthy. But I personally don’t know anyone like that.

I think it’s odd that someone would see a couple shopping together or picking their children up from school together and then judge them as being co-dependent or unable to do things alone. Unless you know them personally how do you come to that conclusion? It’s hardly evidence they do everything together.

I don’t think you sound jealous OP as others have suggested. But you do sound unnecessarily smug, imagining you have superior levels of independence. Someone who chooses to attended a birthday party with their partner is no less independent than you are.

I’ve been married over 40 years.
I’m not sick of my dh.
However I love to go shopping on my own, I don’t feel pressured to hurry.
Dh goes to a club that I’m not interested in.
I also visit family a lot on my own.

@cadburyegg my children are adults. He sees his son every other weekend. And there are months when I don't see him or have much contact at all.

Can't you see that for some of us the time we get with partners is precious?

I like doing things with my DH. Things like school pick up, why not? Normally we split them between us for childcare but if we’re off work at the same time we stroll down together, have a chat and then take the kids somewhere fun afterwards.

We actually like each other

I think sometimes we can become a bit jaded about family life tbh. Things seen as chores when they don't necessarily have to be.

I think it's a reasonably new thing, my youngest is 17 and none of her childhood parties had both parents in attendance. From reading MN, it seems managing a child is near impossible alone and anyone who does deserves a medal. All a bit contrived; the perfect family time.

I must admit i have never ever thought anything negative about a family or married couple wanting to spend time together.

I understand if you are bitter or you dont actually enjoy your partners company then this might be difficult to understand. But even then i always imagine people have the intelect and sense to realise that its not one size fits all with families and just because they do things differently, they are not always insecure.

I love spending time with my DH, with our schedule we rarely get to do lots of the "mundane" things together.
He would love to be able to do the school run with me, i wouldn't miss out just because he wants to come as well.

He doesnt come to parties, although some children do have both parents turn up, but around here we are all quite chilled out and open, we understand that one out of the parents don't always get to see there child mixing and playing with all their friends, so it's a nice opportunity to do so as a couple. Its not any inconvenience in most cases as parents don't expect to be catered for and not many big parties happen at houses here, they hire out venues.

But OP really, just relax, live and let live, they are probably just enjoying their time together, enjoying their lives, while you are all judgy. I know which one i would prefer.

I've often wondered this OP, but it is just different people. DP and I are the absolute opposite of what you've described. In fact I'll even attend weddings or milestone family and friends' birthdays on my own because I know it's not DP's thing at all and I'll have a great time with my friends! Maybe it's because we were happily single for a long time before we got together and just used to doing things on our own? Oh and we also learned, very early on with the DCs, that divide and conquer was key to a far easier life.

How do you know that for example, this isn’t the first time in ages they have got to hang out together so they are doing something seemingly mundane together? I work 9-5 and DP works odd shifts which means A we barely see each other and B the vast majority of the time things like parents evening it is only me who can go, so when DP can join he does. I also have no qualms not making plans with friends when they fall on the odd weekend DP isn’t working.

I don't know ANY couples that have to do everything together, but looking through the list I have done most of it with my husband.... sometimes. Do you think you are just seeing couples together here and there and making assumptions they are always together? Apart from the friend thing - we don't do that, although he has picked me up from my friends when I've been drinking , does that count? And the family meal thing on mumsnet, if its a family meal does it not therefore include partners? I think codependency is a thing though absolutely, although I have people who struggle with codependency and still spend time apart from partners (It is a bit more complicated than living in each others pockets).

Also once a school gate mum told me her dh was going away for three weeks for work. “Ha! The remote control to yourself!” I joked. She stared at me and said, “Some of us love our husbands.” That was me told.

I agree op, it’s so annoying when there’s no seats left at a party cos loads of couples have turned up with one kid. Or this one weird couple I know who insist on bringing both boys to all parties and they must both come as well. Not sure why.

We’re a bit like this, but we’ve only been together for three and a half years so we aren’t sick of each other yet.

We generally do the school run together at the moment, my husbands on adoption leave so we wanted to take advantage and spend as much time together while we can, once he is back at work we won’t be able to do it as much.

Some of these things are ridiculous like the parents evening one and the evening meal out one.

Things like couples going to bed at the same time every single night I find weird though😂

DH and I have never lived in each other's pockets. We're both outgoing with lots of friends both mutual and separate. We live spending time together and also love spending time with other people. We're still very much in love after 31 years together.

In my experience, couples who are joined at the hip, very often, aren't especially sociable or outgoing and didn't have many friends before meeting each other. They do everything together because they really don't have other people to do anything with. Maybe that's how they genuinely like things, or maybe they're just making a virtue out of a slightly lonely necessity.

I love my DP to bits, and vice versa, but we don't feel the need to spend every waking minute together. He does his stuff, I do mine. I find it slightly creepy when partners/parents are joined at the hip.

We quite often go to children's parties together. This is because we work all week, squeeze in plans with our separate friends and once you factor in dull housework and our child's hobby at a set time each Saturday we aren't left with much weekend left together. We agree we'd rather spend those 2 hours in some village hall catching up and having a laugh. We both do the school run equally so know other parents equally. Sometimes we do them separately if we can line up plans with friends to be at the same time but this doesn't happen often. I couldn't give less of a fuck if people think that's sad.

Mind you lots of people thought I was weird because I'd take the dc away and leave DH at home.

Just silly half term caravan trips I'd go on Groupon and the like, nothing fancy but a fun and cheap way for me to entertain little dc. I worked term time only and DH didn't so we'd save his leave for other times, plus we have a lot of pets so it's easier for one of us to be at home.

DH is taking the dc to stay with ILs next weekend and I'm staying behind with the pets.

Plenty of people think it's weird but it works for us.

“Both parents always coming to birthday parties or school pick ups mean the party venues / playgrounds are more crowded. The parents evening example where one parent didn't even take their disruptive kids out. People refusing to see their friends at weekends mean friendships often die out. A partner appearing during a lunch when you're talking about something sensitive. I don't think it's particularly hard to comprehend why these things are irritating.

Also just to reiterate once again, I never once said it was weird for a couple to go shopping together.”

Ah I see - Thanks for your reply - we aren’t guilty of any of those except the once, when I was invited to a mum’s night at one school parent’s house, but I’d received the invitation secondhand as a parent’s night so we both went. We’d never impose ourselves, or our other DC, apart or together, on something like a party for the one child.

It gets my goat too. I remember a thread years ago about people who shop en famille and someone accused me of having a miserable marriage because I don’t go to the supermarket with dh. I do go shopping with dh, but I don’t have to go with dh, and that’s the difference.

I find it bemusing that anyone has the combination of headspace and ego required to come up with an opinion about whether other people should be in public spaces or not.

Also, schools have never had any business saying who can use public paths or not, which is essentially what they were saying back when they came out with stuff like this since parents were collecting outside not from on the premises.