To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Because it is rude to rock up to someone's house with your other half to a kids party. It is not a family day out!

Better that than a boring chore as others have called it.

Me and DH don't do everything together but we do most things. We go shopping together most of the time. It would seem strange for just one of us to do a big shop. If we just need a couple of things DH will often go to the shop on his way home from work or just go out on his own to get them.

We do go to each other's hospital and GP appointments. To us, that is normal. If either of us is seeing friends the other would never go.

About once a month DH has a 4 hour round journey to go and pick up boilers and often I will go with him. It means we can chat to each other on the journey, he is not having to make the journey alone and we will go for something to eat while we are out or stop off somewhere nice to look round. I expect a lot of people find that strange.

We have been married 42 years and still very much in love. We like being together and never seem to run out of things to chat about.

Every couple is different. We like to walk our dogs together. Again, it gives us a chance to chat and is time spent together with no interruptions like phone calls (DH is self employed and his customers ring all times of the day and night).

A lot of our neighbours have dogs but hardly any of them walk them together. Some there is only one that ever walks them and some both walk them but always separately. None of them have young children so they could walk together.

I do have neighbours that take the doing everything together to extremes. They have 4 young children. Neither of them work so they are together all day every day. They all have to go shopping together, often 2 or 3 times a week. Even during lockdown they all went to the supermarket. They can both drive so no reason they all need to go.

Last month I saw them putting the children in their car. It was about 6pm and I asked if they were going anywhere nice. They were going to pick up a takeaway! Now I do think that is weird. Just why would you drag 4 children along when just once of you could go?

Yes, this is our dynamic. We both work FT and have three kids so to be honest we both crave a bit of "alone" time. Which is typically "alone time doing the food shop" rather than anything more fun 😄. We go together to parents evenings, etc. but things like school pickup/drop off? It would never occur to us to do chores together like that.

I would find it a little suffocating if my husband insisted on coming with me to, say, take the kids to the dentist or collect the dog from daycare. I want to chill out with an audiobook!

As for kids birthday parties - ugh. I tolerated them and made small talk where necessary but insisted that my husband do his fair share so that it didn't all fall on me. Again, we looked on these as chores rather than "family time" and I do find it strange that others see it differently.

I don’t really get the problem? I like spending time with my DH. He’s my favourite person to be with. So, for many people, it’s as simple as that.

I also value my alone time and don’t do everything with DH, although I probably do most things with him. We just like each other more than we like most other people.

Tbf OP, if I have to suffer a kids birthday party, like fuck does my DH get to sit at home.

😆

So why can't the other parent take them?

It doesn't really matter is its a huge hall or soft play etc with tons of space where you're paying for your own catering, but if we're talking about someones house where space is limited and youre expecting at least basic hospitality, you don't mire than the minimum needed which is 1

Yeah it's a bit cringy when the whole family have to tour the supermarket together clogging up the queue area and blocking the aisles.

Some people don't seem to be able to be independent...

But presumably if you had the choice between A - a parent coming to the evening alone or B - both parents coming with their 4 year old and twin toddlers and allowing the kids to run around making noise which meant the parents couldn't actually hear what was being said, you'd choose option A. Or, if you ever had option B, you'd prefer it if one of the parents took the kids out for 10 minutes.

Of course @cadburyegg but that’s as I said, sometimes both parents can’t attend and childcare may be a reason.The above hasn’t really happened to me really. Parents are more than welcome to bring their other children, they often do and so far no one has been running riot in the classroom. I manage a class of 32, I’ve had toddlers myself so if a child was making noise I’m sure I’d manage to make my points above the din, it’s within my repertoire of skills 😄 two parents actually left their 9 day old newborn with a grandparent for our most recent parent evening and my job share colleague and I were thoroughly disappointed, we would have liked to have seen her! Most parents wouldn’t choose to bring a child that they know is going to be very disruptive to a parents evening if they don’t need to. And some parents, if they are alone do need to, and we would manage. So it’s just a bit of a non-issue to get wound up about in all honesty.

Over the years we have spent more time together than the average family as DH has WFH since DD was small. We always have had evening meals together. DH and I used to take it in turns to take her to school, and DH came to parents evenings with me, but he would have rather watched paint dry while eating hair than take her to a children's party and stayed with her (he would have dropped her off no problem, but staying would have been another thing entirely).

DH and I don't like all the same things. We have a different taste in some films for example, he likes watching sport and I don't, I have joined a local fundraising charity that he has no interest in so I attend meetings without him. I think this is all part of a normal and healthy relationship.

It’s not for me at all OP, I would just feel so suffocated. I always think there might be a degree of desperation and/or control in it too along the line from either or both… not in every case obviously. If it makes people happy then whatever, but yes, definitely not for me.

Because it is rude to rock up to someone's house with your other half to a kids party. It is not a family day out!

Actually now I think about it all the couples I know like this, the tag-a-long doesn’t have any friends so their other half feels like they have to ‘include’ them.

Because it can be irritating for other people! The nursery foyer is tiny, if everyone tagged along as a couple to collect their kid there wouldn’t be room for anyone else. Plus there’s a 1 in 1 out policy since covid and limited to 6 people, so even more annoying.

I also get what PP said about husbands/boyfriends tagging along to girls stuff. I’ve had this a few times and it’s so awkward. I don’t want to make polite chit chat with your husband I want to hang out with my mates! Where are his!

I used to think both parents doing the school run was a bit odd but DH and I have done it a few times and DC3 loves it. Also parents evening, I used to go by myself but then thought actually DH should be going so we would go together if we could find someone to watch the children. Secondary school we both go. Socially if we are going out with our own friends it wouldn't cross my mind for DH to come with me.

I don't think op ever said it was weird to both want to be involved in school events. She was talking about an information presentation not a personal parents evening about your child or an event like sports day they are involved in. A one to one patents evening appointment we do always try to both go to if we can, but there our kids arent really disturbing anyone but us. If its just getting info about the school we wouldn't both feel the need to go and even if we did we wouldn't be rude enough to continue with that if our children were spoiling it for other people. To be fair though that might be less to do with being a couple and more to do with a general sense of entitlement / ignorance of how their actions affect other people.

yep, My B/SIL was like this they in the end couldnt handle it and split because they where just strangers that lived in the same building - 2 decades wasted with someone they didnt ACTUALLY like, baffles me.

Oh give over. You've provided a very random example.
Why should only one parent accompany their child to a birthday party? Maybe the other parent sees so little of their child that they'd like to be part of their child's life which they rarely see.

I do everything with my husband. I love it, he loves it , what possible harm does it cause anyone at all?

My parents do this!!! drives me bonkers.

cordless phones were hell in my family. If the phone rang my dad would stand infront of my mum so she could hear the whole conversation he was having. They now read texts out to each other before they send.

my mum won’t go shopping without my dad and vice Versa. So we have to get all their Christmas presents for each other. Drives me bonkers.

I dread to think how they will cope when one of them is alone.

I don’t think OP was at all referring to a situation like Sugarplum’s, and I think you know this.

It seems more odd to be on the outside judging. Are you somehow wistful?

Otherwise I really can't see why you'd care. It's not your relationship. I'd draw the line at someone bringing partner to girls night out, aside from that people shouldn't have to justify/apologise for/rush to prove they've seperate activities going on.

I couldn't do an intense level of togetherness but it doesn't bother me when others are like that. We can't all be the same and your way doesn't have to be the right way for others

@BeanieTeen lol but i'm not there with my kids dad, that's the point!! I'm on my own! and not every day.

Plus i'm well aware people don't work 9-5, I work 7-3 and some late shifts.

Ohhh bless you ❤
So many people on MN don’t think before they type. I‘ m glad you have your lovely husband to help you x

Also if my DH and children arent there then its NOT a family meal, they are my family it would just be an event with extended family and my extended family would FULLY expect my DH and children to attend as I would expect theres too aswell.

I guess in some cases it helps the relationship stay strong. ?

But that’s not because they decided to go together. That’s because they didn’t get a babysitter.
A single parent would have to bring their other children….. or choose to get a babysitter. Are you saying the single parent shouldn’t attend if they can’t get a babysitter?
Equally, a mum or dad could bring their other children along whilst leaving the other parent at home. You point here has nothing to do with couples doing things together.