To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

I think the difference is wanting to do things together because the couple like to.
Or because one or both of them have to be together for most things.

We very rarely pick up the children together, when we do it's either because we had to go somewhere before or because sometimes it's just bloody nice, and the kids love it as well.

Shopping we mostly go together luckily we have an adult son who will watch the younger children (and to be quite frank it's a break for me esp when you have children with sen).

Parties nope unless its a close family or friend and they have invited us all.

We do lots apart and have our own friends as well as mutual.

Each to there own.

Well we do see a lot of each other during the day but after years of working it's actually nice to sound time together doing not a lot. We actually get on well and have similar tastes, we even occasionally get an audio book and listen to it together.

We don't always go out together but if I go out for a meal he'll drop me off and pick me up so I don't have to drive.

I have friends like this. For a night out they will only come out together. If babysitter cancels then they both stay home instead of 1 out and other stay home.

This may have improved, but some people were downright vile to him being a man with tiny kids without a woman involved.

come again?

Well maybe

but let’s be honest - on a balance of probability… unlikely!

My husband and I were like this for a bit when our kids were tiny for several reasons.

The biggest reason was I was assaulted & raped, left as a bloody mess, and it took me ages to regain my confidence, even longer to feel comfortable with others without essentially having him as back-up.

Strangers treated me better when he was around than when I was on my own, and we found the same was reversed too when our kids were involved. This may have improved, but some people were downright vile to him being a man with tiny kids without a woman involved.

We married as teens, had kids young, don't live near either of our families, and for a few years didn't really have anyone else in our daily lives we could rely on. I kept trying and would get knocked back to the point I'd go through periods of depression and not trying. I didn't have people to go to coffee mornings or lunches with for several years, not because I went out with my husband, but because when I went out alone to the toddler groups or even to the bloody shops, I'd get mocked for my age, or my accent and dialect, or my mobility devices, or that I wore a headcovering. I've been followed around shops having people shout shite at me. I ended up moving areas, but that's just having to start over again.

We also both have disabilities, some of which were new then that we were still working out. What was easy for other people wasn't so easy.

There is a lot out there on how a significant part of the population is isolated. Mine wore me down to the bone and yeah, I'd get to points where I'd give up trying to be more social when trying was hurting too much. That habit can get ingrained, many areas have few spaces for people to try again socially for adults, and people get stuck.

Both retired?

bloomin heck, I would have thought you would have wanted a bit of space from one another for the evening!!

Maybe they haven't seen each other all day

I agree things like turning up unannounced at a lunch / night out or coming along trailing loads of kids to an event where that's not appropriate is odd.

That said, I know more couples who I think are quite the opposite.
All they do together is about the house / essentials.

The fun stuff?
He's out doing sports / drinking with his mates. She's out for cocktails with 'the girls'.
Fancy weekends away with friends, but maybe a self catering break on a wet campsite together.

That seems to me a bit sad:
like you selected a person who would make a competent life partner, but you don't actually enjoy their company all that much.

And I know someone will probably mention childcare, but most of the couples I've seen like that started out that way and / or have continued long beyond the 'small children' stage. But as they say, horses for courses.

Both retired?

bloomin heck, I would have thought you would have wanted a bit of space from one another for the evening!!

So is it women only or simply a group where no men have joined?

We were in a book group pre covid, OH came as well (shock horror), he was the only man but it was daytime and as were both retired convenient.

The book group I joined is women only. It wasn't planned that way, but no men were interested.

Why do you need a women only reading group? Are you sitting around in the altogether?

Amen to this!

@DirectionToPerfection sorry meant to tag you

@Arbesque friends yes unless the friend oked it don't bring or don't go easy, book club again unless it is a women only or men only no problem in both going if it is something both enjoy. as long as they choose an appropriate event where both are welcome nothing wrong with that

gp and shopping again having some company might make a grueling task less boring, often if one of us does tag along we combine it with getting a coffee or grabbing lunch or a meal out

@DirectionToPerfection I was just trying to explain why some couples do share their hobbies together or be at the same clubs so it might appear that they do everything together just because of how much they do together.

there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about it if you are lucky enough to share the same hobby and interests as your partner to choose to do almost everything together

How does that explain couples who do everything together? Who can't go to the shops or a GP appointment on their own? Who tag along to each others friends' meet-ups even when they're not invited?

A book club takes up about an hour or two every month, it's hardly all of a couple's spare time.

@Arbesque what if they choose book clubs that welcome both and have the same interests and hobbies surely that explains then why some couples might choose to do everything together and there is nothing wrong with that

Why wouldn't they?

Of course. We're talking about partners insisting on going to events when it's not appropriate, or a general pattern of a couple refusing to ever do anything apart.

Not really sure of the point of your question.

@Arbesque @DirectionToPerfection and if both partners are female or it was a mixed group would both be allowed to go to the book club.

It's was a women's book club! So no, the man should not have been there.

If it's a female book club, as in a previous example, no the husband shouldn't tag along.

@ThighMistress your example of book club or the evening class what if it is a subject and topic that interests both. should one of them not go?

A lot of the Couples we are discussing don’t see how they can be rude and make others feel uncomfortable. If an event assumes singles, ie a book club, why go as a pair? If you are meeting a friend or relation - or, heaven forfend, visiting a sick person - why impose both of you on one other? The conversation inevitably is less intimate.

Furthermore couples limit their social interaction if always a twosome. I know they would say “But we don’t need anyone else” but surely you can imagine that you might, just possibly, find some pleasant company if you speak to other people, eg at the school gate.

I went to an evening class and everyone chatted… except for the “Married Couple” as we called them who sat five desks away from everyone else and whispered together and passed each other sweets. Imagine if a lone person had gone to such an evening class and found four couples who wouldn’t speak to them.