To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

(Unless the party parent says you can bring another child or pay your way)

You just sound like an unfriendly host by complaining about guests. Put it on the invite if you don't like parents interacting with their children or space is tight, i don't know why that would bother you

Talking older children deffo isn't on but I have hand on heart never seen that

Honestly, it wouldn't occur to me that MY child's party is a family event for one of his friends to the point that both parents need to come and watch their child celebrate my child's birthday.
Soft play and extra kids is fine, pay your way. Got several kids invited so second adult for back up, totally get it. Two parents staring at little Johnny staring st little Tommy as Tommy opens his presents as a family bonding activity, slightly 🙄 unless there's something else going on (say a Forces parent home from leave)

Someone else's party isn't an event for your child

It's an event that our child is attending and involved in.

which is great if you all habe houses large enough for a dozen kids and two dozen adults
If they don't have large houses they normally say drop the kids and no parents stay, initially the ones that come together have asked, then it's just the norm. No big deal.

and you can afford to have enough catering in for two dozen adults
They don't cater for the parents, they cater for the children. The parents wouldn't expect to be catered for even if only one arrived.

Not every one can, that doesn't mean they shouldn't have a party for their kids
Of course it doesn't, I'm not sure I have said anywhere it does ? every child should have a party if they can.

I can get irritated about stuff like this. Invited ds friend from nursery for a playdate. They are young so parent would come too. All arrangements made with the mum.
On the day, doorbell goes and there is friend, mum and surprise daddy too! And yes it does impact me because I've never met him before and now I have to sit and make small talk with him for 2 hours. And feed him. And listen to him going on about his work. It was just hugely irritating. Another of my friends has a dh that keeps "popping in to say hello" if we go out for a drink. I find it controlling. And irritating. I am not leaving MY dh at home to go and spend time talking to yours!!!

we divide and conquer alot. No family around, big age gap, kids often have conflicting parties, sports and playdates. We work full time so we have to split the to do list and crack on. No time to go together. If we had time, would we? Dont think so. I am an efficient person, whatever is quickest. We have plenty of special family time. Plenty. They dont include other peoples birthday parties or the sainsburys run though.

I can understand it more with older couples whose children have grown up or who are retired (or those that don't have children) as there are less demands on their time usually, but I just think it makes sense when you are juggling work and childcare to divide things a bit eg one go shopping while the other takes kids to activity, one clean while the other at a kids party, one spend some one to one time with one child while the other take the other to a party or event etc. Or indeed one look after the kids while the other gets much needed alone time or time with friends.

In most cases that still leaves some time for the couple or family to spend time together, hopefully enjoying each others company all the more for not trying to get jobs done or entertain bored siblings in unsuitable circumstances, and for having more to talk about after some time apart!

Of Course there are cases where they need to do more together eg disabilities, mental health etc, or having very limited time together due to one working away a lot etc which I totally understand. And probably these might apply to some of the people OP is thinking of, but i totally understand her point. It's not about not liking spending time with your other half!

I am perplexed by the party uprightness. If it's an issue, the host would stare beforehand, surely?

I love your attitude @Thinkbiglittleone, that's nice of you.

It’s so rude. Some people have small houses. Then they bring siblings too. Height of ignorance for a whole family to go to someone’s house for a kids party.

It's an event for the child that the parents may want to share with them. Someone else's party isn't an event for your child.

I've never know a person to bat an eye at both parents arriving. It happens a fair bit where we live which is great if you all habe houses large enough for a dozen kids and two dozen adults and you can afford to have enough catering in for two dozen adults. Not every one can, that doesn't mean they shouldn't have a party for their kids

I’d be amazed at anyone who was happy for DHs to turn up to a girls night out. They’re probably too afraid to tell you it’s annoying AF

So if your partner cant skip work for every school event and due to childcare you cant go to every single party en masse, you're not a real family??

That's why I'm making the point that the degree to which they do things together matters and can have an impact on others. I have a circle of female friends who wouldn't mind if mine or theirs DHs turned up on our night out. I have another which will absolutely hate it and imposing our partners on a girls night out will be totally selfish and ruin it. Simply, people need to be self-aware and most of us know some who are totally oblivious/selfish.

Because it is rude to rock up to someone's house with your other half to a kids party. It is not a family day out!

But it's not their other half arriving, it's the child's parent.
It's an event for the child that the parents may want to share with them.
I've never know a person to bat an eye at both parents arriving. It happens a fair bit where we live

When we threw our DS reception party at a soft play, one parent txt to ask if they could bring a sibling if they paid for them, I couldn't understand why it even needed to be a thing, the more the merrier, she was paying for her, she said obviously we don't expect a party bag or anything, i of course made sure she got one anyway.
I don't understand how people live their lives so uptight, it must be so boring.

YANBU.

As an example, which I actually imagine isn’t uncommon, there was a couple with an only child in my DD’s class who came EVERYWHERE together, even the school gates. They split up and it turns out, as she told us on a mum’s night out, he’d been coercive and controlling for years and she ended up having to flee. The constant being with her is part of that. I felt so sorry for her

@cadburyegg YABU , the only point I agree with is
on more than one occasion I have met up with a friend and their partner has also been there or has shown up half way through lunch etc, which I wasn't aware of. Totally changes the dynamic

We did often join each other after work but the rest of the group would always be well aware that this would be happening , and only if we were meeting up for a few drinks in our local

@HundredMilesAnHour
So you think I am a dreadful person ?
Can you explain this please ?

You know absolutely nothing about the life me and DH led , we both worked long hard hours , often on shifts so we would not see each other for more that s few mins a day when one was getting up and the other was going to bed.
Even when we were both on similar shifts we would be knackered so come home cook eat and chat for a bit then go to bed .
So yes when we had a day off together we went out together shopping going for a meal / drink meeting friends / going for a walk or whatever .

If that makes us dreadful people you have a very skewed view of life

I am certain we were not the only ones in this situation

My mother and her partner do everything together. To the point where I have barely seen her alone in twenty years. They even went food shopping together during lockdown when couples were not allowed and one would stay in the car!

Each to their own... but I will say that having seen several of my friends' mums widowed in the last couple of years, the ones that are coping better are the ones who led lives slightly more independently of their DHs 🤷🏻‍♀️ We don't go to each other's medical appts, rarely shop together, are happy to meet up with friends alone, always take turns with school drop off pickup (too busy to do it together, and commutes some allow it), but we have plenty of family time together. I think we would drive each other nuts if we were in each other's pockets all the time. But for other couples it's different and good luck to them.

Ur just a bitter single parent

Or shared Facebook profile 🙈

My mind boggles that this is a thing, that people actually notice and cars that much about how other people happily go about their lives.

I've never heard it (apart from on here obviously )rude for parents to arrive at a child's party, we account for both parents coming, as why wouldn't they if they can? Why is only one parent allowed to experience that with their child ?
It's normal in our area.

I don't know anyone (apart from your ex MIL) who can't go the shop for milk on their own, unless disability reasons. Nor have I ever heard of it off anyone else, so I think your Ex Mil is a very, very niche case.

Surely even if you don't want to spend time with your partner or your partner doesn't want to spend time with your child, you can understand that others do?

Mental and physical health problems mean that people need support so do things together. Some days (weeks) I don’t leave the house unless I have my partner with me. I’m the only one who drives, so have to take my partner to appointments. Oh, and our toddler has to come too as we have no childcare

Ohh no, don’t get me wrong, it’s as boring as hell! Hate them. Rather hoover the street.

Sad Siamese Gimps

🤣😂