To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

I'll probably get deleted for saying this but @rarge and @Thinkbiglittleone you are giving me serious sock puppet vibes

I'm afraid not, just 2 people it appears with the same view. Crazy I know

@Mummyford

Both my husband and I can certainly manage on or own, and did countless times, even when they were quite small, but it was certainly nicer when there were two of us. Four hands, four eyes and two adult brains for conversation and companionship makes herding 3 kids a much more pleasurable experience.

I was quite clearly talking about the person the OP spoke to who told her she was brave to take her own children out alone.

I can confidently state that the secret to my happy marriage has never been my family turning up en masse to pre school birthday parties. How embarassing if that's the glue that holds your relationship together.

😂😂😂 come on now, Sadly my DH can very rarely make parties, I don't mean just attending parties. I mean this view (as the thread started) of couples doing things together shows one is insecure. It's quite a sad view IMO to have be that judgy and hold that view

I do think some couples are overly co-dependent and I worry how they will cope when (inevitably) one is left alone. My DPs had pretty independent lives (not as much as mine!) and thankfully now that my mum is on her own after 60 years of marriage she still has loads of friends, interests etc and is not moping around.

but I will say that having seen several of my friends' mums widowed in the last couple of years, the ones that are coping better are the ones who led lives slightly more independently of their DHs

I agree with you @Ragwort and @Gooseysgirl. DH is 7 years older than me. He has had cancer and a stroke. Statistically it is very likely that I will outlive him. We actually do spend a lot of time with each other, but both enjoy time independently away from each other as well - he went on a walking holiday with his cousin recently without me. I visited my sister for a few days without him.

Because it is rude to rock up to someone's house with your other half to a kids party. It is not a family day out!

“But it's not their other half arriving, it's the child's parent”

It’s both the parents though. When DD was little very occasionally both parents rocked up at soft play parties, but more usually it was just one because the other parent was at home with the other children. Having both parents turn up at a house party would have been very unexpected. I wouldn’t have had room in my house to accommodate 12 parents and six children.

I can confidently state that the secret to my happy marriage has never been my family turning up en masse to pre school birthday parties. How embarassing if that's the glue that holds your relationship together.

Come on. It's quite clear that the OP isn't referring to people who have no choice.

"Two parents staring at little Johnny staring st little Tommy as Tommy opens his presents as a family bonding activity, slightly 🙄 unless there's something else going on (say a Forces parent home from leave)"

I completely agree! Some people really don't get that the world doesn't revolve around their family unit, it's creepy.

I'll probably get deleted for saying this but @rarge and @Thinkbiglittleone you are giving me serious sock puppet vibes.

But I've seen many a thread on here from people wondering why they haven't got any friends / no one to babysit DC / their friends have started to exclude them / don't know anyone at the school gates.

To play devils advocate You could argue we see so many threads about marriages failing and couples growing apart, naturally if you don't spend time together that will happen. Relationships take time to grow and stay together.

Agree - only one of these is really weird. The information evening one I can understand it being annoying them bringing other children and that’s the weird part, not both parents attending.

A lot of couples don’t get a great deal of time together in the week if they both work and are busy with children so yes, of course weekends do tend to have more of a family focus. Why would they not?

DH and I are both very independent, capable people, have separate groups of friends and even holiday separately sometimes but we do actually like each other so time spent together is…fun.

Totally agree OP. My dm and df were like that, so much so that neither developed individual friends and just had ‘couple’ friends. When df died young at age 60, my mum literally had no-one outside family who she could meet up with. She didn’t want to socialise with the couples by herself as she felt awkward. And that’s the problem with being totally dependent on your partner - once they’re no longer there you’re alone as far as friends go, because you didn’t maintain friendships when you were just in your little family unit. It’s an unhealthy way to live.

Me too, it doesn't cost extra to have another adult.People just love to complain without even taking any action to prevent it

I know, it's bizarre. Just don't cater for the adults, I've never known that to be a thing anyway.

Some people here are so self-obsessed with how "together" and what a "tight-knit-loving family" they are that they are completely oblivious to others circumstances. Surely you can see a difference between inviting 10 kids to your DC birthday party, expecting at the most 10 adults and having instead 20 plus however many extra kids turn up - since if both parents attend, it's likely that any extra siblings will too - tight family, no parent left to watch them at home, etc (if everyone behaved like you do)? Children's birthday parties are exactly that - for children, not for entire families to show off how invested in their kids they are. Even if you both truly can't think of anything better than watching your child at their school friends party, you realise what an imposition for the other family it is?

It’s normal to prioritise your partner and children over friends.

On the whole of course it is.
I have a single friend who always talks about another of our friends saying it's weird when that friends husband is home she "just wants to spend the whole weekend with him" it's hilarious trying to explain her that it's because she likes his company (hence marrying him) and prefers his company over hers.
She just can't understand it and always tries to put a negative slant on it, I mean why else marry someone if you don't enjoy their company.

How can it not cost extra to have another adult? We always cater to adults (and the parties we go to are the same). If we invite 20 kids and they each bring one parent then thats food, drinks and cake for 40 peeps. If 10/20 bring a second parent then thats another 10 people who will need feeding, drinks and cake. There is a huge difference in costs between a cake for 40 people and a cake for 50-60 people.

Going for a meal/drinks with friends and having someone's dp show up... would be mildly miffed but also we are all friends in a group so I also know my friends partners and it wouldn't bother me too much.

We do school pick up together once a week because we both work shifts and have one day off together. Would be odd for one of us to go on our own.

We do sometimes take all the kids to the shops together but only on the way back from somewhere. Otherwise one or the other of us goes (3 kids, supermarkets not fun with them all)

Parties wise, they're all past the age of a parent having to stay so it's drop and run! From a social aspect though I wouldn't mind both parents showing up and staying if they wanted to.

I mean I guess I know what you mean- but who cares? Why do you care so much? I find that pretty odd.

I wouldn't have a party at a house where parents are staying and then expect them to drink tap water all afternoon 🙄

Don't be so dramatic 😂
A party is normally a couple of hours, an extra glass of cordial at most. If you feel you should provide more to parents that's on you.

And no you didnt, but usially on these threads someone pipes up with the "well if you can't afford to do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE you shouldn't do anything!

I'm certainly not one of those people, and wouldn't like to be judged as one. I get everyone's situation is different.

I 100% agree. There are women who cannot fill up a car with fuel, men who don’t do a thing around the house, and also shockingly women who don’t/refuse to learn to drive and expect partner to drive them around,

Supermarkets seem to be a haven for these people who cannot bear to be apart. Bring along the children, Saturday afternoon trip out. Even better for everyone else trying to bypass kids messing around in the aisles, women looking harassed and man trailing behind. All very sensible (not!).

‘Prioritising’ doesn’t mean ‘bringing everywhere with absolutely no exceptions’

Me too, it doesn't cost extra to have another adult. People just love to complain without even taking any action to prevent it.

It’s normal to prioritise your partner and children over friends.
people who don’t have good relationships with their partners (or any relationship at all) struggle to understand that because they don’t know what it’s like

I mean @rarge I've never known such downers on a party situation.

I love seeing families wanting to spend time together, it's lovely that both parents want to be present in their child's little social life.

To start being all horrible saying it means they are insecure it's just that, horrible.

There’s been a couple of posters saying some women haven’t coped well when their partners have died. Maybe that’s the price of deep and lasting love. Grief. You can’t escape that. Yes you can have other interests and friends/activities but If you’re in a mutually, respectful and loving relationship that’s lasted for many years you will most certainly suffer to some degree.

I wouldn't have a party at a house where parents are staying and then expect them to drink tap water all afternoon 🙄

And no you didnt, but usially on these threads someone pipes up with the "well if you can't afford to do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE you shouldn't do anything!