To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Can't believe we got to page 18 before the 'jealous' accusation arrived.

Couples who like to spend a lot of time together: great
Couples who refuse to do anything on their own: not so great.

I particularly hate a husband showing up at what's meant to be a gathering of female friends.
Also a couple insisting on going somewhere together when it would be more sensible and considerate for one to stay at home with the kids.

It's also healthy to have some separate activities and interests, especially in the sad event that one of the couple dies.

Nah, ‘you’re jealous’ is always trotted out when posters have nothing better to offer 🤣

Touched a nerve I guess 🤣

Bingo! The ‘you’re jealous’ post has arrived 👏

It sounds to me as if OP and certain other people in this thread are jealous. Jealous of couples because they are single, or jealous of other women who's partners actually want to spend time with them!

ODFO. There are many reasons why women need overnight help from their partners. I have the scars on my arms to remind me how much I struggled while my working husband slept all night.

All the points you have listed should have no affect on you whatsoever!

Regarding the school info evening, of course both parents can be there without normally being attached to the hip, school placement is a joint decision and a tough decision when it comes to looking around high school!

What about a single parent, who has no family or partner/ex partner to look after their child to attend an info meeting, should they stay home incase one of their children plays up?

FYI me and my partner do a lot of separate things, however if a couple choose to be together most of the time, that is their choice, absolutely nothing to do with anyone else!

It is.
But prioritising isn't necessarily never being apart.

My husband prioritised me when me brought me tickets for a few days away to see someone i really want to see. It isn't possible to all go together and if i wait til the kids are big enough, he'll be dead.
I prioritised DH when i said I'd have the kids whilst he went and did something linked to his hobby and then for a beer with his mates.
I prioritised my kids when i told DH he was having the younger ones at home whilst i took the eldest out as its too bloody hot.
I'm prioritising me when i go out Tuesday night and leave DH to do bed.

There's more than one way to prioritise your family.

Some people in this thread seem to really struggle with appropriate boundaries.

Because they are just plain odd balls.

There’s a set of parents like that at my daughters school. You never get one without the other.

Sorry, definitely would NOT have

Shared email for school stuff, yes - for literally everything else including personal correspondence, no.

This!

Or like each other's company?

Well I had a friend who would not go to bed without her husband, as in they* had to go to bed at the very same time. It made me angry!*

Why though? Why would someone else's bedtime make you angry? Bizarre.

Oh that is a good idea!

It is definitely in weirdo territory.

We have a shared email address thats used for anything related to our children, its handy as we’ll both get to see them, where as if you give school etc both emails they’ll only email one person.

Dreadful people? A couple enjoying being together makes them weak and dreadful people?

My word, you seem so very, very bitter. 😆

I was a single parent 14 years prior to my 2 year partner and quite able to go out on my own , work and sustain a home without help , even doing most diy better than my partner . in fact if he left tomorrow apart from the emotional turmoil I’m proud to say I could do what we both do and maintain the kid’s lifestyle 100% .
But some of the things you describe we do together because it’s nicer to do together ? Nothing to do with inability.
I learned not to judge other’s relationships, some people do a bare minimum together, others love being together . I quite enjoy family time and would not exchange it unless for a special event as BFF birthday or similar

They're in love and are best friends. They want to be together all the time. Obvs

No idea if this is for me, but I was a single teen mother not that long ago @DirectionToPerfection. It's not a judgement to say that if your out by yourself, you're probably hyper aware of others.

And said nothing insulting to single mothers? I'm not sure what your trying to do there.

You probably are weird bitter and jealous if you have an opinion about people's lives that don't affect you. If it doesn't apply to you, then your not. Simple as.

@TheVillageShop your post is lovely.

Your relationship sounds wonderful and i hope you are doing ok with your DH

I haven't read the whole thread but think I get the gist.

I think some of the misunderstandings might be because of the wide age range of MN posters. We have people here from 18 to well over 80.

I have friends in their 80's and it's not unusual for the wife never to have learnt to drive. They started work in an era when you often had to give up your job when you got married. You couldn't get a mortgage without your husband's agreement and signature. Daddy really did 'give you away' on your wedding day, when you promised to 'love, honour and obey'.

Married couples, in love and having been parted in earlier days by the war or a genuinely hard day's work, often wanted nothing more than to spend their leisure time together. We felt like that too, madly in love in the flower power sixties, all we wanted to do was spend every waking moment together. It wasn't unhealthy, and we have clocked up 45 years of marriage. We always used to enjoy doing a big shop together and stop at the cafe for a coffee and a bite to eat. It made an outing out of a chore. Why not?

We used to do most things together throughout our entire married life, and still had regular Friday night date nights out. I also had time for girlfriends, or shopping trips on my own (my H hated shopping except food shopping), and of course we both worked. We brought up 2 children as well, without co-dependency being too much of a problem. Anyway, if you love one and other and are intent on building a secure and happy family, you are actually going to be healthily dependent on your love ones, and they on you. To keep your guard up as a protection against love would be very sad way to live a life.

As someone wise once said, grief is the price we pay for love. I am in a thoughtful mood because my darling husband is terminally ill. And I am glad for every second of my time we spent together. We have had a rich life full of love and co-dependency, and our adult children are proud and thankful too, and our grandchildren too are aware of the loving warmth of family.

I think I can empathise with the confusion here as I come from a disastrously damaged and fractured family, and I well remember when even seeing an apparently 'happy family', hurt my chest inside and made me want to run or scream. Those feelings can get muddled and confuse the messages. Even therapists I believe are confused by this, hence the idea that co-dependency is unhealthy. But that is another debate for another time.