To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Some people clearly are not in good marriages here . I literally love hanging out with my husband we both work full time so even small chats whilst doing other activities and tasks are cherished. Obviously I still see my friends by myself but every other task id rather do together you do realise your SO can be your best friend too xoxoxo

Stop projecting. I'm happily married, yet get what the OP means.

How very condescending.

What - you’d like your DH to come on nights out with your friends? Have to wait for your DH to come home so he can drive you to the supermarket so you can buy some milk?

You sound bitter AF! I'd LOVE to spend more time with my husband doing stuff together but we both work. You're a single parent, that's why you don't get it

I think I know what the OP means. Being on a night out with female friends and having a boyfriend turn up to “give X a lift home” might sound kind and romantic but it also means her night is cut short (and he’s been able to make sure she isn’t having too much fun).

A female friend who always brings her partner, even when it’s obvious he isn’t wanted, is someone who will get phased out. Having to “talk nicely” with a dude you don’t know gets old.

The example where someone had to take her partner to a smear test is a bit worrying. I’d be concerned that she was at risk of domestic abuse if she can’t / won’t see a doctor or nurse without his supervision.

What is objectionable is the “You’re jealous” and “You don’t know true happiness” posts.

Barring any particular needs, not going to visit your own family without your spouse or seeing friends is odd. And dressing it up as being extra specially in love is crap.

Also it is other people’s business when the coupledom becomes rudeness. We had a family meal and bil and sil sat next to each other (I have known them for 25 years) and whispered, choosing the same thing from the menu and unless directly addressed having their own conversation. Perhaps every night’s a date night, but to me that was damn rude. (Btw they also wear matching clothes a la Howard and Hilda.)

DH is embarrassingly unsociable and If I hadn't taken DD to a party she wouldn't have gone and as an only child with no family nearby that wouldn't have been very fair on her.

Well yes that would have been grossly unfair indeed @RampantIvy and very selfish of your OH. Lots of mums are also not sociable and don’t like these events, just like they don’t enjoy school runs or food shopping but for them there doesn’t seem to be an ‘opt out’ choice. As I said, luckily for your DC you’re there to pick up the slack.
Again, its not indicative to me of a healthy relationship or superior independence to see mums out there doing things on their own. It’s unfortunately the sad common standard that their child’s well-being, entertainment and social lives are dependent on mum’s actions and not dad’s.

Some slightly older couples even wear matchy matchy coloured rainproof jackets usually in various hues of fawn. Some though do the visiting city centre thing dressed up carefully. The men appear older than the women, sometimes, and the women have coloured blonde hair, tastefully coiffed. They cling onto the man’s arm.

But then it’s your job to go to all the kids parties? He gets to ‘draw a line’ because he doesn’t like it?

It didn't feel like a "job" to me. We had only just moved to the village and I didn't know anyone. I wanted to chat with the other parents and get to know them over a coffee at a soft play party.

DH is embarrassingly unsociable and If I hadn't taken DD to a party she wouldn't have gone and as an only child with no family nearby that wouldn't have been very fair on her.

All parents stated at soft play parties because the venue asked that they did, before anyone comments on that.

All MN threads eventually end in " You are jealous."

I can tell you it must be far nicer to have them with you at an antenatal than be asked if there’s anyone available who can come and join you quickly.

Glad you agree OP has said more than the one point you chose to quote there. Can you tell us what the wilful misinterpretation is, given that you've been told the discussion is also about other people who've mentioned shopping?

For clarity, conversation moved on from the OP. There are some batshit opinions on here. And people are all talking about different things from not venturing outside alone, to people doing normal activities like nursery pickup.

It's not a case of misunderstanding. Some people just do have nutty opinions.

Yes, OP has said more on the subject:

It's not people spending time together that I have an issue with - it's people refusing to do things without their partner that baffles me. Of course it makes sense that a couple might go to a supermarket together if they both want different things but I think it's quite sad if you have to wait for your partner to get home if you want to go out for a pint of milk.

Also says in another post that she doesn't find anything strange about a couple going to the supermarket.

Seems there's a lot of wilful misinterpretation going on here.

OP actually has said rather more than that about shopping, and she's not the only person on the thread to have talked about couples in shops either. As such, there's no reason to confine discussion to that one post on the subject made by one person.

People keep bringing up the shopping example. OP's actual words were:

my ex in laws won't do anything separately - mil won't go shopping without fil

She's not saying there's anything wrong with a couple going to Tesco. But this is a dynamic where the couple cannot do anything apart, going to the shops being an example. Not being able to go to the shops alone when necessary is odd, unless there is an underlying reason like a disability.

Sometimes DH and I do the shopping together, sometimes one of us goes alone. It depends what else we have on. I think that's pretty normal and lots of people commenting here do similar. That's not what the OP is talking about though.

There's some truth in this. Socializing does tend to be set up around couples. I prefer my husband and child to anyone else in the world, but I also value my closest friends and invest in what I value because I want to keep it. One of my two dearest friends has been in my life since we started school and we frequently holiday together: 4-5 day continental city breaks as opposed to two weeks in the sun. I have my own income and can justify the expenditure because I love her, and she's single. We have a blast every time!

I not infrequently attend 2-3 day conferences, so my family is used to my occasional absence. I lost my parents at a young age, so my friends are my entire support network and deserve my appreciation.

With few babysitters around, there are things DH and I did in our pre-child life that we simply can't do until DC is much older. Attending gigs, concerts, theatre, race days etc are off the table: we knew this from day 1 and accepted it. If we want to do those things, we now do them separately and go with our individual friends, or I now do the rock festivals with my sibling. Children are not children for very long, and we had well over a decade to do these things together before we had them. There'll be time afterwards, too.

I find that whatever my relationship status - and we are happy - my female friends are worth their weight in gold and I want to do things with them. In the event the worst did happen, I also have people to confide in as well as travel and social companions. Win-win!

@ChorltonCreamery i expect they were worried because there were 2 adults and instead of doing the socially accepted and polite thing of removing the uninvited kids immediately they chose to join the party that the mum probably felt she had no option than to let them stay at.

My son needs 2 adults with him most of the time so generally it is all of us or none of us. When he is being cared for elsewhere we tend to be both out because it is only a small amount of time we have together that we are not 'working'.

@ApplesandBunions

Totally.

Being bothered about who's in public spaces like supermarkets and paths is not a healthy balance. Also, anyone who was actually bothered about the armchair psychology in this thread would also be critical of the jump to assume codependency.

Yeah it's just deflection.

People who have a healthy balance in their lives are not the weird ones.

Not surprisingly, the smug superiority and accusations of jealousy are coming out now. How very predictable.

It is predictable. It's mumsnet and pretty much par for the course and I'm not immune to the odd comment myself if something pisses me off (I rein it in though, on the most part, nothing insulting)

I think the problem with this thread though that it is disingenuous, and has been from the start. Co-dependency is a problem in many peoples relationships, not being able to go out on your own is a problem for some people, anxiety and inability to cope with certain circumstances alone is a problem for some people.
To say you "don't understand" couples who are never apart while listing a bunch of reasons that on their own don't actually seem to be problematic, and are actually commonplace for a lot of couples is going to cause confusion and get peoples backs up.

And again this is mumsnet. I think it a good place for a rant, I like it when the OP say "This is a rant", and then talks about something that is a bit ridiculous and over-the-top.

Because I am regularly over-reacting and talking myself down at the minute as well...

I'm the one who was told I'm a weirdo for having an opinion.

I said nothing about any of these specific things (or children's parties, or school pick up, etc). I made a general comment in response to a thread about couples who do everything together, and I was called an overly focussed, jealous weirdo. That's out of line.

There are some very defensive posters here.