To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

Can you hear yourself @Arbesque. What's the matter with you

What are you on about?

I also found before getting divorced that I always did the shopping along with both children when the then DH was at work!! We rarely shopped as a family. And he never showed alone as he doesn’t drive. But my kids have never ran wild. When little with would be in the trolley - at least one of them. And when bigger they would asked to help.

I guess I’m in one of those rare couples where we like spending time together, we like each other’s family, and my husband likes to be actively involved in the raising of our child - inclusive of pick/up drop off at preschool and parents evenings!

we have no qualms leaving each other at home with the kid though, so we can go out with our friends.

I completely agree with you OP. DH and I have been married for over 20 years. I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve done the weekly shop together. There are obviously things we do together but shopping, other peoples kids parties and the school run are not on the list!

I think you’re onto a loser with this post though. I seem to recall someone posting during lockdown, when supermarkets were asking people to shop alone, why there were whole families shopping together. The excuses were hilarious! DH couldn’t go alone because he wouldn’t know what to buy, the poster couldn’t make a list because they didn’t know what they’d want without looking. The poster couldn’t go alone because their DH might fancy something they wouldn’t choose, or they couldn’t stay at home and look after their own DC for an hour. Or simply they were happier to put other people at risk than be parted from their SO for an hour.

I couldn’t imagine a life where DH and I did everything together. What the hell do couples talk about if they’re together 24/7. I’m not convinced it makes a healthy relationship to never be apart.

i stopped doing school run/ parties with my partner because i noticed nobody talked to me.

Fair enough, if i see parents at a party or on the school run together i avoid talking to them because it seems intrusive.

it does feel like an unsociable thing to do

I was really irritated by parents at my son's school who both went to the supermarket bringing their five children along. And you would think that one of the parents would then have been in charge of said children. No, they were concentrating on the food, their children were running around, playing chase whilst the youngest was crying in the trolley. That is a time when perhaps one of the parents could have stayed at home to spend quality time with their children.

Me and my husband definitely aren’t like this, but I would say we have a very happy marriage. We obviously do have family days out together but also see friends separately. In the evening we sometimes watch different stuff in TV, or I read and he watches TV. However, my in laws seem to do everything together and I find it a bit weird, but also worry that we are weird for being so independent! Examples - have breakfast together every morning, one waits for the other, sit together and watch TV every night, FIL has a hobby and he’s been ‘banned’ from going to the hobby holiday the next two times as other one can’t bear to be alone (I assume). Coming up to ‘help’ after baby was born, they both had to come up ! 🙈. The first two sound very sweet but they don’t look like they are having fun or enjoy each others company when they are eating breakfast or watching TV…so I think maybe just do your own thing a bit more? Then they have been married a long time 🤷‍♀️

Eh? I spend most of my time with my husband when I'm not at work because I like him and love his company... that's why I married him! To be honest, I don't understand couples who DON'T do mu h together- but each to their own! I'm certainly not going to start a mumsnet thread about it!

@Arbesque you were tagged hun, what is your problem with me🙄

I can’t see why both need to go to school pickup, unless on the way back from somewhere else together. Most of the other things mentioned sound fairly normal. As for kids causing a distraction surely that is caused by bringing the kids ( which I know can’t always be avoided). If anything having both parents there should make this less likely, as 2 to control the children, and one can take them out the room if necessary,

@Sakura7 it wasn't aimed at you. I learnt in primary school that you can be used in the general sense. Is this still going on?🙄

If you are not a moody arse, I wasn't talking about you. Give over, ugh.

That's not what I was questioning.

It is onerous for one of you to 'entertain ' ie look after your three kids while the other does the shopping?

It's good for kids to get out of the house and partaking in normal, necessary errands like shopping is a good way of doing that.

I don't think shielding kids from the apparent hardship of a food shop is a good thing.

It is onerous for one of you to 'entertain ' ie look after your three kids while the other does the shopping?

I also think you sound bitter OP. You're projecting your issues onto others.

I can and do, do lots independently. But I also enjoy my partner's company. If you can't see why someone actively wants to spend spare/family time with their partner then I think maybe that's indicative of your relationships, rather than others.

Why!? Why must one parent stay home with the kids? What harm is it if the whole family go?

My partner and I go to Tesco with all three (well behaved) kids. We prefer it. I prefer company on the shop and also means I don't have to make all the meal choices alone, pack etc alone. My partner usually likes to browse the clothes and other sections. And it means no one is left trying to entertain 3 kids at home alone which can be tiring and boring for all involved.

I don't get why that bothers you? Are you usually highly strung and judgemental?

Are these the same couples that share social media accounts and email addresses? Always find that a bit weird too.

Theres a couple at my childrens’ school who are like this. Must be in their 50s. Always together holding hands. They have lots of children ranging from primary to adults. Never see them alone. I often wondered if one was controlling.

I also have a friend who often randomly brings her DH when we meet for coffee. It definitely changes the dynamics. She’s been known to send DH for coffee and not comer herself!!

The parents evening isn’t weird. My ex DH usually comes to parents evening with me. Our kids don’t create havoc though. I’ve had divorced parents come separately and as a teacher often have both parents come to an appointment. Never thought that to be weird at all.

Not being funny OP but you just sound incredibly bitter. My husband is my absolute fave person to do everything with, including making a food shop fun. Wouldn’t have married him otherwise… 🙄

Good Lord, for the people down the back:

Nobody is saying you shouldn't enjoy spending time with your partner. Nobody is saying that there's anything wrong with spending time with your partner (that would be weird).

The thread is about couples who cannot do anything separately.

Some of the OP's examples weren't great but it's clear what she means.

Me and my partner do a lot together, with our one child, because my partner works 14 hour days on shifts, so when he’s on his days on, we only see him for an hour a day! We are making up for lost time together! When he’s at work, I do everything on my own or with my DD. We do our hobbies separately and unless my partner knew my friend very well and it was prearranged, there would be no way he would turn up to drinks or meals! We see our friends separately most of the time unless there’s a specific reason we’re together, and our friends would know partner was coming in advance and why!

Well that poster seemed to be aiming that comment at me, though I never judged anyone picking their kids up.

I'm also apparently annoyed because I'm alone (that'll be news to my DH, I have to say).

Ridiculous deflection.

I like spending time with my OH!

Also, we have a child with additional needs so in many cases two pairs of eyes and hands is better than one.

I suffer from anxiety too, so there are times when I can't face things alone.

For school information events then if possible both parents should attend. We will have different comments or questions and it's not just a Mum or Dad job.
My daughter has just finished reception and LOVES the very rare occasions both of us can pick her up/drop her off at school. Of course it could be done alone as it is most days but i see no problem if both parents are able to go?

Yabu. We work opposite shifts, get 1 day as a family every 10 days before my husband goes to work on a night shift. So yes, we will do things on that 1 day together.