To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

We don't do this, we usually overtake 99% of the slow walkers and dawdlers in our way.

We have been together for over 50 years. When we first got together as a couple, we lived in the same flat in London - the only way we could afford the rent was to have 7 of us in a 3 bed flat, DH was one of my flat mates. We worked for different companies. Married 3 years later. Still worked apart. I had a few years at home while the DC we pre school, but then we started a business together. Since meeting we have only had 1 holiday each without each other, me a weekend with DD, DH a week with his brother. We do things with our friends, but most things we do, we do together. Kids at school gates, and most DCs activities, was usually just one us, as the other had to run the shop. We do things together as we like each other's company. Now retired 7 years, and despite friends telling us we would be bored, and needed 'a little job' to keep fulfilled, we have not been bored at all, in fact have enjoyed every day. Sorry if this sounds smug, but I feel very fortunate to have stumbled across my life partner and it working out so well.

Why do you care?

My opinion is that’s it’s good to spend time away from partners and have some mate time without the OH.
retired now but we both always have time with our own friends and with couples. Really find it irritating when couples can’t be independent enough to be apart. Some even on the phone! When you think your having a conversation with your friend and the partner constantly contributes!😡

I think you have worded it better than I have @alanabennett. That describes us exactly.

That's similar to our setup. DH is an introvert, has one long-term friend and no inclination to make more. I am the outgoing one and despite my love for DH and the strength of our marriage, it doesn't give me all the social inputs I need. When I arrange couples/group things he puts on a happy face and dutifully comes along but he'd really rather not. I do lots of things with friends, he does things alone and we're both happy with that!

@UniBallEye Dh & I are together 23 years now & you'd hate us I'm sure - we spend probably 90% of our time together & we absolutely love ❤️ it.

You could be us. We've been together longer but we married to be together and not just to raise babies. I sometimes holiday on my own as I go places he doesn't like but generally we'll do things together.

Wow I had no idea so many people were getting their knickers in a twist about other people spending time with their partners!
Dh & I are together 23 years now & you'd hate us I'm sure - we spend probably 90% of our time together & we absolutely love ❤️ it.
We work together in related fields, commute together, socialise together & love nothing mote than heading off for a long weekend / holiday together.
We have dc & a wide & varied circle of really interesting friends who we love spending time with as a couple as well as individually.
I feel immensely lucky to have met someone who still interests me & makes me laugh daily. I have never been bored by him. Irrirated, annoyed, downright angry - yes but never bored.
I can honestly say I would rather spend my time with him than anyone else & I have a close group of wonderful longstanding friends.
Some people's attitudes baffle me ...

DH hates being in groups of people. He is ridiculously unsociable and very introverted.

If I lived like him I would feel trapped and lonely. I have recently joined a charity, and we meet socially as well as fund raise. To his credit DH has tried and come along to a few social meets, but has now decided he doesn't like any of the members and I will go to any future socials on my own.

I love DH, but only socialising with one person for the rest of my life just isn't enough.

This is why DH and I sometimes socialise separately. He only has one local friend, and has never been interested in making friends.

Yada yada yada “But we lurrrrve each other and your Dh doesn’t love youuuuu “

Snore. No, you’re just as @Blueink describes, busy irritating the hell out of those you encounter and, luckily for you, completely oblivious.

WEAKNESSES piss off DH and I have been married for 50 years we do a lot together in fact I am at a flaming scooter rally this weekend I hate the blasted things but he loves them, I see the fact that I am willing to so something he likes because he wants me with him as a STRENGHT something that enhances our marriage the same way when I want to do something he isn't keen on he will be with me and BTW we don't just LIKE each other we LOVE each other - I suppose that makes me DREADFUL in your eyes does it??

Agree the examples weren’t the best, but it’s obvious from the rest of the post what the OP meant. Some people either are in one of these couples (with no insight about how insufferable they are to their family & friends) or lucky enough not to have to put up with one in their social circle. It’s not that easy to say their partner isn’t welcome, expected, or invited, when the strength of “we want to be together” is so apparent by some on here. They don’t bother to ask, the partner turns up anyway and they are both oblivious to how it sucks the life out. Is it so hard to understand we don’t love your partner/think the sun shines out of them half as much as you do? That’s what it mostly boils down to.

Hmm would love to know your thoughts on me and my DH. We have our own bedrooms as a starting point 😂. Add in an endless list of stuff where we are probably the least codependent the couple we know.

We both do school drop off when we can and also love going to see our eldest at her class parties if we know it’s a big hall (ie we’re not taking up any room) as we enjoy seeing her having (what comes across to us anyway 😂) as the time of her life

We irritate each other no end (sitting opposite sides of the living room as a I type) but don’t live through tunnel vision OP and assume people are codependent because they do some of the things you list 🤦🏻‍♀️

@greenvelvetcouch - but you said your siblings’ partners were there too. How would they have felt if they were there alone and you and your Dh were sitting apart from them, talking to each other and sharing your own food?

There is a difference between participating as a family group and operating as a couple only .

@ThighMistress I literally couldn’t have been without DH when my father was dying. He was there the whole time. If my siblings had had anything to say about it (which they wouldn’t, my brother had his partner there as well) then I wouldn’t have sent him away. My dad actually gave his last smile to my husband when he came in to visit on the last day he was alive, DH is one of the family.

Who are you to judge people?

Well said!!

I agree. Those examples aren’t very illustrative of the “never apart” couples. One of my examples upthread was when mil died, and dh was there and his db…. and sil. So some might say, “Oh, she was there to support bil”, but they were sitting together , with sil whispering as usual and they had their own sandwiches. Dh was very hurt as on that one occasion he thought it should be he and his db.

I agree with the OP that it’s slightly worrying (and antisocial) when couples become so codependent they can’t function socially without their “other half” (and I hate this phrase).

But the examples she picked are singularly bad. Going to the supermarket together is just a matter of practicality and two parents showing up at school events is just a show of commitment really. And as for both parents turning up to kids parties I just couldn’t care less.

I think the reason this thread has taken off so much and the accusations of jealousy have Coke out is in large part because the examples are so irrelevant and poorly picked..

People bringing husbands or boyfriends to girls only events is rude and controlling and I would think poorly of a friend who did this repeatedly. Two parents going together to a parents information evening I really couldn’t give a rats arse.

Any of those things on their own is fine. It's the couples who go everywhere together, including crashing things they're not invited to, who are the subject of this thread.

A couple joining a mixed sex book club together is fine.

A couple joining a book club together and a choir together and a tennis club together and coming along to each others University reunions and insisting on shopping together even during Covid and both hanging around at every party their child is invited to makes me wonder if either is capable of doing anything alone.

So is it women only or simply a group where no men have joined?

Just one that no men have joined. It is open to all, and the age range is about 40 to mid 80s.

I think it’s fine if you both like that. I was 40 when I got married. Casual boyfriends before that, always liked my own company. Me & DH do loads of things separately.
We have our own social lives, and do our own activities at the weekend. We suit each other, as we’re not codependent types. He had LTRs that he left, to have independence.

Yeah, like the eejits who all troop into the supermarket together - maw, paw and all the kids.

We have both gone together to do school pickups this week as it was our son's first week at school. We wouldn't do normally but the children like it when we do. We don't tend to do the food shop together unless we are on the way somewhere and need to do a quick shop. As for parents evening we now have a baby so wouldn't be able to go together but ours I'd online now anyway. We did have an information day for our son starting primary school and we both went. The reason was because we both wanted to, it's a special moment for us both but baby slept had she been a toddler one of us would have stayed at home. Neither of us tends to make plans separately on the weekend because I work on Saturdays so Sunday is our only full day as a family. When I had two under two I didn't take them to parks on my own as they would run on opposite directions and it was dangerous, much easier to take them to softplay when on my own.

The only issue I would have is interrupting a lunch date by bringing a partner. I would never do that, nor would my husband. We actually both agree that it is nice to do things on your own sometimes but we try to strike a balance. It helps that we are friends as well as spouses and we have a laugh together so spending time together isn't a chore.

There's a big difference between enjoying each others company and doing lots of things together, and being so incapable of doing anything separately without it causing drama and upset. I think the OP is referring to the latter.