Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

@TeaStory I stand corrected. I'd love to see statistics which show persecution or straight couples who engaged in anal between 1967 and 1994...

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz I think the issue is that the pearl clutching about anal sex being awful, a one way door, something for gay men only, etc makes the act itself seem shameful and disgusting, when it isn't. It therefore becomes a taboo so those who have it/enjoy it don't talk about it, meaning less information gets put out there to counteract the negative portrayal in porn, etc. we need to talk about it as a healthy part of a sex life FOR THOSE WHO CHOOSE IT and then support safety and communication. All these "anal is disgusting I would never do it and straight people shouldn't do it" posts really actually harm women.

Untrue. Anal sex between men over 21 was made legal in 1967. For heterosexual couples it was 1994.

www.stonewallcymru.org.uk/help-advice/criminal-law/sexual-offences

And considering the thread is specifically about the experiences of women having anal sex with men, there was no need for me to ‘clarify’.

It's tighter so can give a stronger sensation. I wonder whether there might be a feedback loop here whereby men who wank too much to hardcore porn and have desensitised dicks due to death grip, then require the stronger stimulation of anal to feel anything during sex.

Which is not to say that the dominance and abuse is not part of it as well.

Personally I've done it a couple of times with girlfriends in the past, but didn't see the big deal and prefer the feeling of a vagina.

@SavoirFlair exactly! It isn't the act but the culture around it, and as ever, the lack of education.

Around 25% of heterosexual couples have and enjoy anal sex regularly. That is surprisingly not that different a statistic to how many gay or bisexual men do-
Many MSM don't have penetrative anal sex, and some either only "give" or "receive".

@TeaStory you did not clarify that. In any case no distinction was made. The "anti-buggery" law was finally lifted in the UK in 1994. It wasn't specific to sexual orientation but to the act itself. You'd be silly to believe that the law didn't disproportionately affect gay men.

Absolutely and I really believe porn plays a huge part in this.

Savoir most of your post is really sensible and I agree with you.

I think your being unfair to accuse others of pearl clutching though. You can't deny that modern porn now and the ease of access to this material specifically is teaching many young people that it's totally normal and to be expected. This is a major factor in the horrific injuries girls are experiencing.

The difference is IN GENERAL they seem to be more clued up about how to do it safely.

this! And I think this arises from a place where if you’re having encounters with another bloke and you’re trying to do that without any preparation he might well justifiably tell you to F off!

the problem with anal, young women, and porn is that you have a toxic intersection of

• entitled young men pressuring women as ever to do something - but this time it’s from a place of ignorance as to HOW to do it

• lack of any prep massively multiples risk of tearing

• some young women that age are hugely reluctant to say “go to hell” and try and go through with something massively painful

so yeah. very dangerous when you take into account the difference here

@Luredbyapomegranate women are not more vulnerable than men, at least not when it comes to anal sex. Gay and bisexual men are just as at risk if they have unsafe and non consensual anal sex- with just as much damage. The difference is IN GENERAL they seem to be more clued up about how to do it safely.

Actually I was referring to when the act was illegal for heterosexual couples, but thanks for your unfounded and incorrect accusations of homophobia.

Backtothenineties (sp) ⬆️

@TeaStory being old enough to remember when it was illegal for gay men to express their sexual orientation is not exactly something to be proud of- it was an awful time in history and many, many men died either by suicide or murder simply because they loved other men. Equally chemical castration was rife and police brutality towards gay men was actively encouraged. Fine not to want to practice anal yourself but please let's not pretend that anal sex being illegal was a good thing!

I love anal. Not because of porn or being coerced by men. I just really like it. My partner enjoys anal aswell, being on the bottom too. We take turns.
You can do what you like with your body but shouldn't tell others what they can and can't do with theirs. Stop telling women what they enjoy is wrong because you don't like it. Its like any other sex act just don't do it if you don't like it. If it's being forced on you then it's a consent issue like any other rape or sexual assault.

Backtotheninties paraphrasing "she won't shit right for a week."

@11GrumpsaGrumping spot on put much better than I did!

I’m baffled that anal has become something that is deemed a normal part of sex. I’m old enough to remember it being illegal. I’m horrified that women are being coerced and assaulted in this way.

I actually do like anal- I really enjoy it in fact.

Women's anuses are no different than men's- what nonsense!

However, safe anal takes knowledge, consent, and practice. You need lots of lube, you need to start small to relax the muscles, and you need to ensure that you're empty, so to speak. Unsafe anal can cause serious injury - as, might I add, can unsafe and non-consensual vaginal sex.

The issue isn't with anal, it's with the unsafe depiction of it in porn, the lack of education on how to do it safely, and the lack of discussion around pleasure, pain, and consent.

THAT is what we need to teach young women!

The last thing we need is for women who do enjoy anal to feel ashamed of it.

It's not just for gay men, as a PP intimated!

I think there really do need to be much greater warnings about it. I didn’t know women were more vulnerable to injury than men.

If you enjoy it fair enough, but it appears to be sometime that should be done rarely and carefully if at all.

So in short it’s not “porn culture” that has led to the injuries

Porn culture has led to statistically more men attempting an act they don’t understand and without any prep

and (some!!) women then try and accommodate without understanding how they can derive pleasure and crucially it’s not something you can just do as a cold start!

Love these kind of unequivocal posts on Mumsnet, there should be a klaxon sounded for pearl clutchers so they know this is their thread

Yes some of us occasionally enjoy anal sex. Sorry.

However , and it’s a big caveat… go back and read earlier in the thread where people have described clumsy boyfriends trying to do anal without consent.

broken down, that’s a penis trying to force itself into an unlubricated space when a person has not mentally or physically prepared for it. That’s fucking horrendous.

If however both parties want the act, and have prepared (this is AIBU so I won’t go into that) … then it can and does happen successfully.

The point is, ignorant men think they can just interchange and do that act with no prep, no consent; no conversation. Forget that.

This is why this rise in anal sex is so depressing - because I guarantee 90% of the acts are attempted without lubrication, and without the person receiving being mentally prepared hence tearing, pain, all sorts of horror

It’s not just anal.
It’s all this ”kink” nonsense.
Choking (technically strangulation), hitting, rough stuff and the list goes on.
Men kill women and get away with it under
”rough sex game gone wrong”.
And if you say anything you’re bigot and sex negative kink shamer.
Girls and young women watch porn like this, their friends try to be ”cool girls” and please boys/men and they feel like thats what they have to do in order to get a man’s approval.
It’s horrible.

As usual it is men not knowing or caring anything about the female body and just assuming we exist to be wankholes.

Men need a wake-up call and no further indulgence.

What was the line?

I tried it to please ex partner and it was excruciating, and I couldn't go to the toilet for days afterwards

Awful experience, would never ever do it again